Why You Struggle to Negotiate Counter Offers

Welcome to Leading Engineers - a weekly newsletter specifically for engineering leaders who want to increase your impact at every level of the organization.  Each week you’ll gain powerful strategies, techniques, and insights for driving your team, company, and career forward!

This week's topic: Why You Struggle to Negotiate Counter Offers

Negotiating a counteroffer is a crucial skill, particularly for engineering managers who are responsible for leading teams, securing project resources, and ensuring the smooth flow of operations. 

Despite the importance of this skill, many engineering managers struggle when it comes to negotiating a counteroffer, whether it's related to salary, resources, or project timelines. 

Here are  the most common mistakes engineering managers make when negotiating a counteroffer and why these mistakes can derail successful negotiations.

The Pressure to Accept the Initial Offer

One of the most common reasons people fail to negotiate a counteroffer is the internal and external pressure to accept the initial offer. Whether it's fear of appearing ungrateful or simply wanting to avoid conflict, many engineering managers accept the first offer that comes their way without considering whether it's the best one.

Engineering managers often feel pressured to accept the initial offer because they believe pushing back could create tension or damage professional relationships. This can be especially true in industries like engineering, where many professionals value harmony and prefer to avoid conflict. 

In fact, a study by Payscale found that 49% of employees, regardless of profession, never negotiate their salaries, with the fear of conflict and appearing greedy being among the top reasons. 

When negotiating project timelines or budgets, many managers feel compelled to accept the first proposed terms due to the urgency of deadlines. However, by doing so, they might overlook critical details that could impact project success or strain resources.

Lack of Preparation

Another critical mistake that leads to failed counteroffers is poor preparation. Engineering managers may know they want to push back on an initial offer but lack the research and data needed to build a solid case. This leaves them at a disadvantage when entering negotiations.

Without a clear understanding of market benchmarks, internal data, or project needs, engineering managers struggle to justify their counteroffer. In many cases, this lack of preparation can be attributed to a heavy workload or the assumption that the first offer is likely the best.

In the context of salary counteroffers, managers who haven’t done their research on market rates may find themselves either lowballing their ask or pushing for unrealistic terms. For project-related negotiations, failing to prepare for pushback can lead to accepting timelines or budgets that are too tight.

Emotional Attachment and Fear of Rejection

Many engineering managers struggle with negotiation because of the emotional weight attached to the process. Fear of rejection and the discomfort associated with being turned down can prevent managers from advocating for better terms.

Engineering managers, like many professionals, might take rejection personally or feel disheartened by the possibility of a “no.” This emotional attachment to the outcome of the negotiation can cloud their judgment and lead to weaker negotiation positions. A study conducted by the Harvard Business Review found that the fear of rejection is one of the top reasons why people avoid negotiating. The emotional toll of being turned down can deter individuals from making a strong counteroffer, even when it’s justified.

Consider a manager who has been offered additional resources for a project but feels the amount is insufficient. The fear of being seen as demanding or pushy might cause them to hesitate or settle for less, even if it jeopardizes the project’s success.

Overemphasis on Maintaining Relationships

Maintaining strong professional relationships is essential for any engineering manager, but sometimes the desire to preserve harmony can come at the expense of a successful negotiation. This is especially true when managers are negotiating with internal stakeholders or longtime business partners.

Engineering managers often place too much emphasis on preserving relationships and minimizing potential conflict. While relationships are crucial, this mindset can cause managers to overlook their own needs or those of their team and projects.

"Too many people walk into negotiations thinking it's a zero-sum game where any gain on their part will strain the relationship," says Dr. Maurice Schweitzer, a professor at The Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania. In reality, strong relationships are built on mutual respect, which often includes pushing back and negotiating for what you need.

When discussing project resources with an executive or another department, managers might hesitate to ask for more support, fearing they’ll be perceived as too demanding or difficult. This can lead to project delays or incomplete work due to a lack of proper resources.

Inability to Frame the Counteroffer Properly

Even when managers are willing to push back and present a counteroffer, the way in which they frame it can have a significant impact on its success. Many managers fail to position their counteroffer in a way that benefits both parties, leading to resistance from the other side.

A common mistake is focusing solely on the manager’s needs without presenting how the counteroffer aligns with the company’s goals or benefits the other party. A lack of alignment between the counteroffer and organizational priorities can make the counterproposal seem self-serving, reducing the chances of success.

If a project manager requests additional resources for a project but frames it as a personal need rather than a necessity for project success, executives may view it as an unjustified request. Framing the request in a way that shows how additional resources will benefit the project’s outcome can be far more effective.

Negotiating a counteroffer can be intimidating, but understanding why negotiations often fail is the first step toward improvement. For engineering managers, the stakes are high, whether it's about salary, project resources, or timelines. 

Avoiding these common mistakes—such as feeling pressured to accept the first offer, lack of preparation, fear of rejection, overemphasis on relationships, and improper framing—can help you navigate negotiations with greater success and confidence.

Negotiating a counteroffer can be daunting, especially when your initial offer is declined. 

In my recent YouTube episode, How to Negotiate a Counter Offer | Simple Framework, I guide you through the powerful Ackerman Model to help you master the art of counteroffers. 

Whether you're negotiating a salary raise, a business deal, or even buying a car, this method will ensure you achieve the best possible outcome.

WATCH HERE!

- Doug Howard PE

PS - If you want to learn more about this topic, and gain access to bonus material, free training resources, and special offers - subscribe to the Leading Engineers email list CLICK HERE