Wolf In Sheep's Clothing-Recognizing the tactics of manipulation and control

When you are determined to have something and you are open, direct and obvious in your manner of fighting ,your behavior is best labeled as overtly aggressive.When you are out to "win",dominate or control,but you are subtle, underhanded or deceptive enough to hide your true intentions, your behavior is most appropriately labeled covertly aggressive.The primary characteristic of covert aggressive personalities is that they value winning over everything .Determined, cunning and ruthless, they use a variety of manipulative tactics ,not only to get what they want , but also to avoid seeing themselves or being seen by others as the kind of people they really are.Learning to recognize an aggressive move when somebody makes one and learning how to handle oneself in any of the life's many battles is extremely important. Below are few of the tactics employed by covertly aggressive people.

Denial : This is when the aggressor refuses to admit that they have done something harmful or hurtful when they clearly have.It's a way they lie(to themselves as well as others) about their aggressive intentions.This "Who ...Me??" tactic is a way of "playing innocent" and invites the victim to feel unjustified in confronting the aggressor about the inappropriateness of a behavior.

Selective Inattention: This tactic is when the aggressor "plays dumb" or acts oblivious. When engaging in this tactic, the aggressor actively ignores the warnings, pleas or wishes of others , and in general refuses to pay attention to every thing and anything that might distract them from pursuing their own agenda.

Rationalization :A rationalization is the excuse an aggressor tries to offer for engaging in an inappropriate or harmful behavior. It can be an effective tactic, especially when the explanation or justification the aggressor offers makes just enough sense that any reasonably conscientious person is likely to fall for it. It is a powerful tactic because it not only serves to remove any internal resistance the aggressor might have about doing what they want to do (quieting any qualms of conscience they might have) but also to keep others off their back. If the aggressor can convince you they are justified in whatever they are doing , then they are freer to pursue their goals without interference.

Diversion: A moving target is hard to hit. When we try to pin a manipulator down or try to keep a discussion focused on a single issue or behavior we don't like , they are expert at knowing how to change the subject , dodge the issue or in some way throw us a curve. They use distraction and diversion techniques to keep the focus off their behavior, move us off-track , and keep themselves free to promote their self-serving hidden agendas.

Lying: Its hard to tell when a person is lying at the time they are doing it. Fortunately there are times when the truth will be out because circumstances dont bear out somebody's story. But there are times when you don't know you have been deceived until it's too late.

Covert Intimidation: Aggressors frequently threaten their victims to keep them anxious, apprehensive and in a one down position. Covert-aggressives intimidate their victims by making veiled(subtle, indirect or implied) threats .

Guilt Tripping -It is a special kind of intimidation tactic. One thing that aggressive personalities know well is that other types of persons have very different consciences than they do . Manipulators are often skilled at using what they know to be the greater conscientiousness of their victims as a means of keeping them in a self-doubting,anxious and submissive position. The more conscientious the potential victim , the more effective guilt is as a weapon.

Shaming-This is the technique of using subtle sarcasm and put-downs as a means of increasing fear and self-doubt in others. Covert-aggressives use this tactic to make others feel inadequate or unworthy , and therefore defer to them . It is an effective way to foster a continued sense of personal inadequacy in the weaker party , thereby allowing an aggressor to maintain a position of dominance.

Playing the Victim role --This tactic involves portraying oneself as an innocent victim of circumstance or someone else's behavior in order to gain sympathy , evoke compassion and thereby get something from another. One thing that covert aggressive personalities count on is the fact that less calloused and hostile personalities usually cant stand to see anyone suffering. Therefore the tactic is simple. Convince your victim you are suffereing in some way and they will try to relieve your distress.

Villifying the victim - This tactic is frequently used in conjunction with the tactic of playing the victim role. The aggressor uses this tactic to make it appear he is only responding (ie defending himself against) aggresion on the part of the victim . It enables the aggressor to betterr put the victim on the defensive.

Playing the servant role-Covert-aggressives use this tactic to cloak their self-serving agendas in the guise of service to a more noble cause. It's a common tactic but difficult to recognize. By pretending to be working hard on someone else's behalf, covert-aggressives conceal their own ambition , desire for power , and quest for a position of dominance over others.

Seduction--Covert -aggressive personalities are adept at charming , praising , flattering or overtly supporting others in order to get them lower their defenses and surrender their trust and loyalty . Covert-aggressives are also praticularly aware that people who are to some extent emotionally needy and dependent want approval , reassurance and a sense of being valued and needed more than anything.

Projecting the blame--Aggressive personalities are always looking for a way to shift the blame for their aggressive behavior. Covert-aggressives are not only skilled at finding scapegoats, they are expert at doing so in subtle , hard to detect ways.

--Usha Rengaraju