The Wolf You Feed

I recently came across an old legend of unknown origin, which made me reflect on how we approach decisions and the motivations behind the choices we make. The story talks about a grandfather teaching his grandson a life lesson. He explained that, as humans, we face internal struggles between two opposing wolves. One wolf represents fear, insecurity, and self-doubt, while the other embodies courage, resilience, and integrity. The two wolves are constantly fighting against each other for their master’s attention and grace. When the boy asks, “Which wolf wins?” the grandfather replies, “The one you feed.”

This metaphor isn't about the choices themselves, but about the forces that guide us in making those choices. The wolves symbolize the values, beliefs, sentiments, and mindsets that shape our thoughts, drive our actions, and ultimately define our character.

The Unseen Power Behind Our Decisions

Recently, I watched my daughter — a high school athlete — face a decision that made this metaphor all the more real to me. She was offered the opportunity to visit a prestigious overseas university, a critical step toward achieving her long-term college aspirations. But taking that trip meant missing important games for her team.

At that moment, I could see the battle within her. One wolf, driven by fear of disappointing her coach and team, and by the desire for short-term approval, clouded her vision and made her doubt her priorities. The other wolf, representing courage and her long-term aspirations, was quietly asking her to step into discomfort and make a decision aligned with her future goals.

In the end, it wasn’t just about the decision of whether to visit the university or stay with her team. It was about which wolf she fed — the one that fueled her fears or the one that gave her the courage to face discomfort and honor her long-term priorities.

This kind of decision-making, shaped by internal struggles, extends far beyond personal situations. In the workplace, leaders and executives constantly confront choices shaped by their values, beliefs, and priorities — choices that not only define them as individuals, but also have the power to impact the company as a whole.

At one of my clients, the leadership team had recently hired a new CEO to lead one of the company’s branches. Early on, this CEO delivered impressive results through sharpness, toughness, and decisiveness. However, my client—the president of the board—quickly noticed that the CEO’s approach was disruptive to the company’s collaborative culture. Despite this, my client chose not to confront the CEO’s behavior, fearing that challenging his leadership style might derail the short-term success everyone was celebrating.

Over time, this internal conflict grew. While my client could see that the CEO’s approach was creating friction and silencing other voices, the desire to maintain immediate results kept him from addressing it. He fed the wrong wolf — prioritizing short-term gains over the discomfort of difficult conversations that might have led to a shift in the CEO’s style for even better results.

As the company expanded, so did the challenges. The CEO’s style, once seen as effective, began to erode team morale and hinder collaboration. By the time my client realized that avoiding confrontation had allowed a toxic dynamic to take root, it was too late. The cost of feeding the wrong wolf had started to threaten the company’s future.

Our mindsets and beliefs are powerful forces that can either clarify or cloud our long-term vision. They can confuse our priorities and steer our decisions away from our goals and ambitions, or they can sharpen our vision and strengthen our focus. Recognizing which wolf we should be feeding — which forces we allow to guide us — is the key to better decision-making.

“It all begins and ends in your mind. What you give power to, has power over you.” – Leon Brown

The Psychology of Choice

Why do we so often feed the wrong wolf, even when we know better? Our decision-making is influenced by a complex interplay of emotions, biases, and mental shortcuts. Psychologically, we are wired to seek comfort and avoid pain — a survival mechanism that has served us well for millennia, but which often holds us back in today’s complex environments.

Our minds are naturally wired to seek out information that confirms our existing beliefs, a confirmation bias, which leads us to surround ourselves with familiar narratives that reinforce our current mindset, making it harder to embrace new perspectives or challenge the status quo.

Studies show that humans experience the pain of loss more acutely than the joy of gain. This loss aversion explains why we often make decisions based on what we might lose — whether it’s status, security, or comfort — rather than what we could gain.

On top of that, our brains are inherently wired to prioritize immediate rewards over long-term gains. This short-term thinking drives us to seek quick validation, avoid difficult conversations, or stick to familiar strategies, which can eclipse long-term vision. Over time, this mindset keeps us in survival mode, rather than fostering the kind of growth that leads to lasting success.

The Cost of Feeding the Wrong Wolf

Feeding the wrong wolf can have profound consequences, both for individuals and organizations. On an individual level, when we allow fear or insecurity to guide our decisions, we often avoid risks that could lead to growth. Over time, this can erode confidence, limit our potential, and prevent us from achieving our long-term goals.

In a professional context, feeding the wrong wolf can have far-reaching consequences. Ego-driven leadership, fear-based decision-making, and short-term priorities can create toxic work environments, stifling collaboration and innovation, leaving them vulnerable to disruption, disengagement, and lost opportunities.

Every time we choose the path of least resistance, when we choose comfort over courage, ego over empathy, or to stick with the status quo rather than embracing necessary change, we reinforce negative patterns that can become ingrained, making it even more difficult to shift toward a healthier, more intentional growth-oriented mindset.

The Way Forward

The wolf we feed isn’t just about the choices we make in the moment; it’s about the beliefs and mindsets we reinforce daily. To feed the right ones, we need self-awareness, vulnerability, perspective, and courage. Here’s how I believe we can move forward:

• Self-Awareness: This is the difficult but essential habit of looking inward and reflecting on how we think, what drives our decisions, and the motivations behind them. It’s about asking deeper questions: What am I trying to protect? What am I hoping to change? What do I value most? What fuels my sense of worth? Cultivating self-awareness helps us uncover the real forces at play, allowing us to make more intentional decisions that align with our true values and long-term goals.
• Vulnerability: One of the biggest barriers to personal growth is the fear of exposing our true selves — our emotions, thoughts, and uncertainties — out of fear of judgment, rejection, or getting hurt. It can feel safer to rely solely on our own judgment, but real strength comes from opening up to others, admitting imperfections, and sharing uncertainties. We should seek out people who challenge our thinking, help us question our assumptions, and uncover blind spots. Breaking through the fear of being wrong and recognizing that inviting diverse perspectives is not a sign of weakness but a path to greater insight will sharpen our decision-making and ensure we’re on the right track.
• Perspective: It’s easy to lose sight of long-term goals and cave in to short-term gains or temporary rewards. To stay on the right path, we should regularly think about where we are heading at and what we would like to achieve, as every decision we make today has the potential to shape our future in significant ways. True growth demands a consistent focus on the bigger picture, ensuring that our actions align with the future we’re building, not just the present moment.
• Courage: Moving forward when the path is difficult takes courage. Our natural instinct is to seek shelter and comfort, and the daily habit of confronting our mindsets and beliefs can feel uncomfortable. But long-term growth, whether personally or as a team, requires pushing out of our comfort zones. These moments of discomfort often signal progress toward our bigger goals.

"Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny." — Mahatma Gandhi

The Choice Is Yours

In my daughter’s case, it was about the wolf she was feeding — the personality traits she was choosing to define her character. It was also about the wolf her coach was feeding through the team culture she was shaping. And, just as importantly, it was about the wolf I was feeding through the guidance and advice I gave her, knowing it would shape our relationship.

We face these same choices every day, both personally and professionally. Whether you’re building a company culture, leading a team, or making decisions that will shape your future, the wolves are always there, fighting for dominance.

Which one is the wolf you feed?

Good Luck!

Ximena Jimenez

Founder - Managing Director LITup

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