The Wonder Woman Phenomena

Many women (and men) today often feel as if they are channeling Wonder Woman (sometimes not very successfully) as they attempt to juggle career and family, regardless of age. For most, it doesn’t take long for the notion of work-life balance to be revealed for what it is— a myth—kind of like the famed superhero herself. Many of us wonder if having it all is really achievable or worth it. As a mother of four children under 11 and an executive at a high tech firm logging over 200,00 airline miles a year, I wonder "What does it take for a woman to be able to fully embrace a leadership role in the workplace and, at the same time, enjoy a fulfilling family life without the guilt? Is the rise to the top worth it?" I certainly don't profess to have all the answers but given the world's recent obsession with DC Comics Super Heroes, I thought we may be able to learn something from them.

As it turns out, Wonder Woman has a few key lessons for us on this topic, and they’re not what you might think. But before we get into the lessons, a little perspective: Lest we be blinded by her many spectacular achievements, let us note that the iconic Wonder Woman A) was single; B) had no kids; C) had relationships that failed spectacularly; D) suffered losses to villains; and E) lived in a time before social media told us what we were supposed to be. And if the old episodes on TV are accurate, this “role model” was someone whose lasso of truth was worth more than she had in the bank.

This brings me to lesson one, perhaps the most crucial of all:

Your life is real. Wonder Woman—that paragon who can do anything? She is fictional. Yes, that is the key difference between her and you. She is a fictional character. You are a real human being. So, it’s time to stop modeling your life on fantasy, and recognize that nobody—no real human, that is—can do it all. Instead, choose what you want to do well. Prioritize. Screw up sometimes. And every once in a while, fall apart. It’s OK. In fact, it’s not only OK, it’s inevitable in real life. Embrace it.

Lesson Two:

Wearing the Wonder Woman suit means making tradeoffs. Combining motherhood and a career requires compromise and sacrifice. Frankly, motherhood (with or without a career outside the home) requires comprise, sacrifice, humility, and spectacular highs and low lows. There are no exceptions—no way over, under, or around this reality, no matter how hard you may wish or try. I’ll give you an example of what this looks like in my life:

One night recently, I took an early flight home. With extra time, I decided to try one of those “Feed Your Family a Fabulous Farm-to-Table Creation in 30 Minutes or Less” recipes from my favorite magazine. What I was aiming for was black-eyed pea salad, grilled chicken stuffed with goat cheese and organic chocolate cream cheese cupcakes. (Never let it be said that I lack ambition…) Well. After an hour and a half in the kitchen, a small grease fire, and several expletives that made a lasting impression on my four young children, what I ended up with was burned chicken and cupcakes that my son described as looking like “lumps of dog poop.” I called for pizza.

Later that night, in tears, I called my mother. And as usual, Mom put everything in perspective. She said, “Save the tears for the big stuff. Don’t just go through life doing what you think you should…you need to grow through life. It’s not about being the perfect parent or fixing the perfect home-cooked meal. It’s about learning, sharing, and GROWING every step of the way. Don’t waste it doing things you don’t like to do. Your life is upstairs in four little beds. To the world, you might just be one person – but to those kids upstairs, you are the world. Choose what works for you—get your groceries delivered; subscribe to a meal service; call your mother-in-law to cook for you (fortunately, my mother-in-law loves to cook). Choose which tradeoffs you want to make, but you have to make some.”

What my mother was saying boils down to this: Because we are fortunate enough to live in a country where women have the opportunity to do ANYTHING, we sometimes feel as if we have to do EVERYTHING. We try to be Wonder Woman, which is counter-productive in that it makes us anxious, guilt-ridden, and exhausted (see lesson one)—and not at all the role models we want our children to see. So I say, “Screw farm to table. I have the Pizza Hut app.”

Lesson Three

If you want the view at the top to look different, climb a different mountain. A close sponsor of mine offered this advice at a time when I was hesitating about making a recent job change. And he had a good point. Avoiding uncertainty and the discomfort that comes with not knowing what’s next means that you never learn anything new. Whereas, using your strengths in new ways allows you to expand your knowledge and influence - super heroes do this all the time. So venture out and try something you don’t know how to do with your eyes closed. Figure out what view you are searching for and then strap on your Sandals of Hermes to get going—start before you feel 100% ready. Someday is not a day on the calendar; don’t hesitate and let “later” become “never.”

Lesson Four

You are not alone. Every parent (regardless if they work outside the home or not) is struggling—even the ones who make it look easy. So you can stop trying to fit into the Wonder Woman onesie, and join the rest of us as we second guess ourselves and screw up now and then—yell at our kids too much, supervise their homework not enough, occasionally get to a meeting late or give a less-than-stellar presentation. Take heart and embrace real life in all its messy, magical, sacred and spectacular wonder. Because all too quickly your kids will be grown and you’ll be left only with memories.

Bottom Line: The Real Lasso of Truth

You will have days when you amaze yourself and the next day find your keys in the refrigerator. You will have days when you wonder where the hell the capable, educated, organized executive went…we all have them. You will have to tell your child to not wipe their mouth on the dog, and you will also have those times when you rock your child back and forth and tell them how much you love them and that you are not leaving him for long…just for work and you will be home by Thursday night. You have to promise them you aren’t leaving forever…even though someday they will leave you. Wonder woman wasn't amazing all the time either. And, remember these four lessons...

1. WONDER WOMEN isn’t real. You are and this is REAL LIFE.
2. Listen to my mother and make the trade offs and the compromises. Just because we can be ANYTHING doesn’t mean we have to be EVERYTHING. Chose what you will be good at…We can’t be good at everything all the time. 
3. If you want the view at the top to change, you must start climbing a different mountain. Start before you ready…and embrace uncertainly and discomfort.
4. Stop trying to fit into that Wonder Woman onesie, the crazy boots, and golden arm cuffs (it's not in style anyway.) The crazy, the crying, the juggling, the not feeling like you are delivering everything you committed to, the screaming, the scared, the scared. The minutes, the magic, the mess. It’s ALL part of real life…and in whatever form it comes in, it is fiercely worth it. We are ALL superheroes, if we chose to put the cape on and are smart about when to take it off. Now, with these truths revealed, go for what you want and make Wonder Woman proud.

Join some other amazing women telling their super hero stories and conquering new territories: at the WIN Forum in New York City on Friday, April 21. @WinforunNY #WinforumNY 2017