You talking to me?!?!

As I sat today, on a Saturday morning, thinking about how to follow-up my article on listening, I heard my daughter on her phone app (DuoLingo) learning French and bouncing off pronunciations to all of us around. I love it when topics, literally, fall into my lap.

Growing up, I've been taught to associate language with communication. However as time went by I've realized that the repercussions of having language skills, or lacking them, go way beyond communication. In my various jobs & roles, I've come to understand that the command over any language we communicate in everyday life often determines my confidence level - for good or for bad. I've seen it even reflecting in my body language and self esteem.

Here are my experiences:

Listen & Observe!

I know this might sound repetitive for those who read my previous article but I thought it's worth reiterating. Like all of us, I began learning my mother tongue (Tamil) simply by listening and observing. This is the most natural method of learning a language. But while times have changed with technology, this method hasn't. Take the example of my children - my daughter could speak fluent Hindi just by watching cartoons on TV. The TataSky box we had in our living room had Hindi as the default language option and no one bothered to change it!

Progress a few years and both my children have a greater vocabulary in English & Tamil (my son's a great fan of Tamil movies on SunNxt) that I ever had at their ages, thanks to Netlix & Prime. They both speak fluently in Hindi, English, Tamil (and soon French & Spanish if their progress on DuoLingo is any measure) with the right grammar (it sounds funny at first as it's so different from colloquial way we speak at home & in non-business situations) and I often find myself using a few words and phrases from their conversations at office!

If you think grammar and rules of syntax bog you down, go back to the primal mode of learning -- listen and observe. I write down unique and relevant sounding words & phrases when I hear them and look for opportunities to use them. It's fun. Try it and you'll not only love it but also start sounding more confident.

I've often found that the very simple first greeting - whether it's the beginning of the day or a meeting or a phone call - sets the tone for the rest of the discussion or conversation. I've experimented with this multiple times with several variations and religiously noted the reactions & the results of conversations where I've started with a particular type of greeting.

Some work OK, some fabulously but some bomb big time too! But one thing is for sure, a good first line or greeting is often an indicator of confidence and your fluency/proficiency in a language which further extrapolates into your audience's estimation of your expertise in the topic of discussion. There have been times where I've "gone right into it" and it has always ended any prospects of continuing that engagement. This is one of the most difficult and important hurdles I've had to cross in my quest towards better communication.

Read

While listening & observing definitely helps get you started on speaking, it is important to read if you wish to expedite the process of improving. During my school days and when we used to live in the IIT Madras Campus, I used to look forward to Tuesday evenings as it was the day when the library at the Staff Club was open to kids. Just to clarify, I wasn't in any measure what you can call "bookish". My attraction to the library was because I had access to comics & foreign newspapers. Superman, Asterix, TinTin, Flash Gordon et al weren't available anywhere else and the English was so different than the ACK version. It enabled me to develop vocabulary that I not only started using in daily communication but also helped me understand & appreciate the weekly Hollywood movie (no subtitles then!) that used to be screened at the famed OAT in the IIT Madras campus, much better.

I still remember using the word "rigged" in 7th Standard class once to instant stardom (well, that was another word - you see what I did there!). :). In the 9th Standard, my English teacher screamed "stop press" when she heard me review Alfred Tennyson's "Charge of the Light Brigade" as "seducing the readers with powerful imagery"! It was the '80s and I was in the doghouse for the next few weeks.

It used to be fun to try to make sense of what was written in "Le Monde" (later I'd opt to study French, not realizing the sub-conscious influence this paper had in my early years) and read about, ironically, movie reviews & NBA updates in the WSJ! Most people are put off by reading because they associate reading with big, literary books. However, what I'm talking about is reading anything and everything written in correct manner (it was English for me, it could be other languages as well).

Improve & enhance

Now that I'd started reading and saw the results of it, it really kicked off a hunger for building vocabulary and it led to more reading - different genres - Enid Blyton, Hardy Boys et al. Then a different channel opened up - the billboard revolution in Chennai. The TV explosion and commercials/ads. I started picking up words left, right & center and would wait to use it in sentences. I've filled 'rough note books' with words that I used to write down when I heard them. Contextualization is very critical and there were no avenues to confirm if I was using the word in the right sense. I have been burnt several times. But, never stopped being adventurous!

Today, there are several resources available online to help us do that but beware of not being methodical in building your vocabulary because of that. It helps to write things down. It's worked wonders for me!

Sweet nothings!

For a long time, I was convinced too that the only use of speaking a language fluently is for making corporate presentations and giving long speeches to teams & management. But over time, I've come to realize and use it as a tool to communicate and build engagements & relationships. I remember a time in high-school when I was cycling back from school and saw an acquaintance in the opposite direction. We waved a 'hi' and stopped and there was an awkward pause. He then said "well, there's nothing in common for us to talk about" and pedaled away! Now, it's not that I didn't have anything to speak. I just wasn't confident of initiating & speaking something that wasn't in common between us! It was then I started forcing myself to expressing my views on the most mundane of things using the same language that I use for non-casual conversations. I began experimenting with some fusion and trying to blur the line between formal & informal conversations. It gave me the confidence, I realized, to speak "sweet nothings"!

As I entered the Corporate world, it didn't take me too long to realize that the ability to make small talk is very important in business and social conversations. But I was ready, already! Obvious topics for casual conversation could include the weather, sports, current affairs, arts, hobbies, travel, etc. I remember when I set goals for my direct reports and it included 1 meeting with senior stakeholders every week, they protested & resisted. The reason for the protest & resistance - there's no agenda to speak every week.

It was an interesting session in helping them understand the concept of "sweet nothings" and the win-win situation it creates. I found that they not only appreciated the avenue for engagement that was created but also that it helped them gain significant knowledge in areas that they would read up & research every week before their meetings. The beauty of this is that it gradually builds up on your repertoire of conversational topics and you can start using them whenever you get a chance. I usually prep before every "casual" meeting too - so that I don't sound "rehearsed". I've been caught on that front too but I've learned with time.

Discipline makes behavior!

While you can learn a language by listening & observing it, you can't master it unless you continue to use it. Like a music instrument, for example. You have to take the plunge. Practice makes perfect. It is the same with language. Unless you use the language, you will never know how good you are at it. I'm sure you've noticed that in every step of the way above, I've made mistakes & blunders. But I've learnt from them more than I've lost.

I bounce off new words with a few people I'm comfortable with - family, friends. I don't shy away from asking for help. My very close friend (who is also my Manager at work) is a fantastic sounding board. I go to him for advice on contextualizing anything I write or speak/present in the corporate world and seek help & guidance in estimating the acceptability & relevance of the language I'm using. His feedback is brutal and I've learned to be more open to feedback than I was, because I saw the outcomes were outstanding. I'm not embarrassed to make mistakes, for I've realized that is the only way I learn.

Finally, all you need is a will to learn and the initiative to begin. That done, it is simply a matter of time and effort! The precious memories I have as a child, making many many mistakes and being aware now that it's the lack of being conscious of those that has made me learn, is too hard to ignore!

Take care all. Be safe. Stay healthy. Until next week!