If You Want FREEDOM In Communication ‘Share The Concern’

If you could have FREEDOM in communication in ANY situation ANY where, ANY place ANY time would this be of interest? – if so read on:-

I love bringing SIMPLICITY to complexity. Often times we humans complicate the hell out of things.  Today I wish to bring focus to a communication gem that literally has changed lives. Communication often times is constrained both in the personal arena as well as the professional arena. 

Before I share the gem, lets clarify a few things:

1. We have a ‘default automatic negative listening’, of those closest to us – husband, wife, kids, siblings, mother, father, boss, work colleagues – we find evidence daily that feeds into this listening…to explain the terminology of ‘default negative automatic listening’, I will use two words, Politician and Teenager – what are your first thoughts immediately when you hear these words…usually in most cases the response is automatically negative – for new possibility, new evidence to be found we need to be aware of what our ‘default negative automatic listening is’? It exists, its rife and few are aware of it
2. All conflict in communication starts with an ‘unfulfilled expectation’ – we have expectations of those we are communicating with and in most cases the recipient is completely oblivious to what this expectation is (hilarious) then we wonder why our expectations are not met!!!!! Unfulfilled expectation leads into:

- Making the other person wrong

- Being conditional or positional with our love

- Withdrawing in communication

- Questioning one’s commitment

- Back door

Its cyclical, so to avoid conflict, be clear on what your expectations are and ensure that the recipient understands what these expectations are and is brought into them otherwise conflict with reign.

If we are to entertain that the above is playing out we constantly project what people will say based on evidence from the past and if this is the case there is no new possibility possible. 

So how do we have a breakthrough with all of this? Drum roll please….If you want FREEDOM in communication ‘share the concern’. What do I mean by this you may ask? We have a GPS system as humans and that GPS system is the source of all answers – that GPS system is our intuition. We do not naturally share what is concerning us in situations where communication is constrained. What if the next time you felt constrained in communication that you shared what was concerning you – when you frame a conversation in advance of what it is you are wanting to say miracles occur, for example:

John, there are a few things I want to say to you but before I do I need you to know a few things – I am feeling confronted, I fear that what I am about to say may be misinterpreted, I would rather shove my head down the toilet than have this conversation but my commitment is greater than my fear, I genuinely want us to find resolution in this situation and am willing to do whatever that takes – in this example all that is happening is that John is framing, framing, framing everything that is concerning him upfront to give him freedom to BE in the conversation authentically and what it does is create a space of vulnerability for the other party to step into. If you gave yourself permission to ‘speak into your concerns’ each and every time you wish to back out of a conversation you would find absolute GOLD. There would be new possibility/new evidence regardless of your automatic listening.

It is in that exact moment that you wish to back out of a conversation that you are leaving the possibility of ‘breakthrough’ on the table. Most humans do not share their concern, they think it, they feel it but rarely state it or if they do they do it from a disempowered perspective which only triggers the other party, thereby not trusting the power of authentic expression.

The concept of ‘first thought’, sourced by your intuition is ALWAYS CORRECT but we rarely trust it. Intuition is a muscle, the more you trust it the more evidence you find for its power.

Humans also do not trust the unknown which quite frankly is sad for the magic and miracles of all new possibility lie there. To have freedom in communication in EVERY situation where communication is concerned is not only freeing it is empowering. Try it on in the coming days and I promise you will find new possibility…