Are You at War With Your Inner Critic?

No matter how confident and independent we appear to be, humans are social creatures who want to fit in, be liked, and want to meet the expectations of others. Despite our best efforts, this desire can lead to us creating an internal narrative that is often our harshest critic.

Take a second to think about what your inner voice sounds like, the one that chimes in when you feel self-doubt. For many of us, it takes on characteristics of someone we are trying to please, in the past or currently, a parent, a boss, or a faceless person that fits the general demographic of a group we feel judged by.

If I asked you to describe what your critic sounds like, draw what it looks like, and describe when it gets the loudest, what would you come up with? Sometimes just taking the time to do this gives you perspective on your inner voice and makes you realize that their objections usually don’t align with reality. Gaining perspective on this inner critic allows you to take back the power.

I recently started offering a workshop titled “Going to War With Your Inner Critic,” where I take participants through exercises to help them identify characteristics of their own critic, the reality (or lack thereof) of what it says, and some tools they have to deal with it. While developing this content, I wasn’t sure if others would find it as helpful as I did. After delivering it a couple of times, I was blown away by how open and vulnerable people were willing to be and how their views changed by the end of it.

The most significant value came when they started to share with each other. I can’t replicate that through a newsletter, but I can give you some prompts to think about. I start with the questions I mentioned earlier to give a face, voice, and scenario to your critic. Sit down with no distractions and reflect on that internal entity's characteristics.

Now we know what you’re up against, but how does that help? Sometimes this first exercise is like flipping on the light. My son occasionally comes into our room because a sound or something in the dark scared him. If one of us goes in and flips on the light, it’s suddenly much less scary. The monster in the corner? Just a pile of dirty laundry. Giving more fidelity to your inner critic can have the same effect.

If you have gotten this far, it’s time to take inventory of the tools you have to deal with this voice that seems to be the loudest at the least opportune times. Write down when you feel the most energized. What makes you feel like the best version of yourself? Finally, list at least five things you are good at. It’s easy for us to lose perspective on how badass we actually are when we have an inner critic constantly doubting our abilities.

Even though it might sometimes feel like it, you aren’t alone in this battle. We all have wingmen who can be tremendous assets in overcoming our inner critic and shifting that voice toward the positive. Write down a few people you trust—people who would give you honest feedback and be invested in your success. Now think about what they would say you are good at and what your strengths are. We aren’t always the best at identifying these in ourselves, and sometimes our wingmen have a bit more perspective.

Those three steps: putting a face to your inner critic, identifying your tools, and finding your wingmen are a great start to shifting away from that negative narrative. During my in-person and virtual workshops, I help groups find opportunities they have been wanting to go after but haven’t because of the fear and discomfort of stepping into the unknown. We work through the steps above and develop a plan to tackle a specific goal by a particular time.

If you are part of an organization that could benefit from this work, email us at info@macecurran.com. If you are an individual that would be interested in working through this as part of a small coaching group, let us know as well. We are working to build new ways to make this accessible outside of a corporate setting.