Are You Your Best Self With a Margarita in Hand? Light and Dark Sides of Our Personality

I often joke that we demonstrate our best selves when we tan and hold a margarita. It’s a lighthearted thought, but perhaps there’s more truth than we realize. How we show up in the world—our light or dark selves—can be influenced by our environment, mood, and even the people around us.

But what does living on the "light" side of personality mean?

Psychologists Delroy Paulhus and Kevin Williams are well known for introducing the concept of the Dark Triad in 2002, consisting of three personality traits: narcissism (entitled self-importance), Machiavellianism (strategic exploitation and deceit), and psychopathy (callousness and cynicism). These traits may sound extreme, but research has shown that they exist along a continuum—we all harbor a bit of each trait within us, even in small amounts.

While these traits are often referred to as “socially aversive,” Paulhus argued that they are intertwined enough to be studied together. They share a “dark core,” which, when magnified, can be destructive both in personal and professional relationships.

On the other hand, recent research suggests that there's also a Light Triad—a counterbalance to these dark traits, representing our more benevolent, compassionate, and trusting tendencies. The light triad consists of Kantianism, which treats people as ends in themselves, not as mere means to an end, and Humanism, which values the dignity and worth of every individual. Faith in Humanity: Believing in the fundamental goodness of people.

Where we fall on the spectrum between the dark and light triads can have profound implications for our relationships, leadership style, and ability to navigate challenges in life and work. In contrast to the dark triad, the light triad fosters collaboration, trust, and empathy—all crucial qualities in today’s increasingly interconnected world.

Environment Shapes Personality

So, why do I say we are our best selves with a margarita? It’s not just the vacation vibes. Our environment—the setting, the people around us, and our emotional state—can balance our personalities' dark and light sides. It's a balance worth reflecting on, as it can shape our behavior and relationships.

Dark triad traits may creep in when stressed or rushed or navigating high-stakes environments. As a defense mechanism, we might become more self-centered, distrustful, or cynical. Conversely, when we feel safe, relaxed, and supported, we tend to express more light triad traits, becoming kinder, more open, and more empathetic.

Finding Balance in Life and the Workplace

In Star Wars, the eternal battle between the Light and Dark Side of the Force is a powerful metaphor for the balance within our personalities. Just as Jedi and Sith wrestle with these opposing forces, we, too, navigate between light and dark tendencies in our daily lives. The key isn’t to eliminate one or the other but to understand when we’re leaning too far in one direction—and how to regain balance.

In professional environments, leaders who recognize personalities' light and dark sides are better equipped to lead effectively. Strategic thinking—often associated with the dark triad traits—can be valuable in complex negotiations or high-stakes decisions. However, relying too heavily on these traits can lead to toxic environments where trust and morale erode. Like the dark side of the Force, unchecked narcissism, manipulation, or cynicism may offer short-term gains but at the cost of long-term relationships and team cohesion.

The challenge is striking a balance. Great leaders harness the strengths of both light and dark but lead primarily from a place of kindness, humanism, and trust—traits associated with the light triad. By embodying these qualities, leaders create inclusive, innovative, and resilient teams. They cultivate environments where individuals are valued for their contributions and who they are as people.

In the end, like in the Star Wars saga, balance isn’t just an ideal to strive for—it’s essential for navigating both the challenges of life and the complexities of leadership.