Have you ever wondered what kind of music Santa Claus listens to? Wrap, naturally. How about this Santa joke: How does Santa pay for his doctor visits? With his elf care plan.
There's a good chance you're cringing over our bad-but-good Santa jokes. But, admit it — you're also chuckling just a little, because it's next to impossible not to laugh at these North-Pole inspired dad jokes.
To keep the giggles coming, we've collected our favorite Santa jokes to help keep spirits merry and bright this holiday season.
After all, there's no better time for a bit of comic relief than during Christmas, when not only spirits, but tensions, can run high. Because along with all the ho, ho, hos, there are also plenty of holy moly moments that accompany last-minute gift shopping, visiting relatives and fighting the mall crowds.
It's during those moments that a silly Christmas joke can really come in handy.
Even if you're enjoying every moment of the holiday season, celebrate by telling one of these Santa puns, knock-knocks or silly one-liners dedicated entirely to Jolly Ol' St. Nick.
Break one out during Christmas dinner, the annual work party, or any other occasion that calls for a wisecrack or two. Whatever you decide to use these Santa jokes for, one thing's for sure — yule be laughing right into New Year's.
Corny Santa jokes
- What happened when Santa met Mrs. Claus? It was love at frost sight.
- Which month is the coldest at the North Pole? Decembrrrrr.
- Why did Santa go to the podiatrist? He had mistletoes.
- What kind of insect hates Christmas? A bah humbug.
- Why don't Santa's elves share? Because they're elfish.
- How does Santa keep from getting sick around the holidays? He uses hand Santa-tizer.
- What do you call a Santa that doesn't wear underpants? St. Knicker-less.
- How does Santa pay for his doctor visits? With his elf care plan.
- Why do Santa's reindeer fly on Christmas Eve? Because it's too far to walk.
- What's Santa's favorite sport? North-pole vaulting.
- What do you call a fake Santa? A faux Claus.
- Why don't they drink water at the North Pole? Because there's noel.
- What do reindeer use to decorate their antlers? Horn-aments.
- Why do snowmen live at the North Pole? Because it's cool.
- What did Santa Claus say to the Christmas tree? You need to lighten up.
- What kind of music does Santa listen to? Wrap music.
- What do you call ducks that live at the North Pole? Christmas quackers.
- Where do you find Santa's reindeer? It depends on where you left them.
- Where do reindeer get their coffee? Star-bucks.
- Did you hear about the Santa who lost all his money? Now he's Saint Nickel-less.
Funny Santa jokes
- Did you hear that Santa Claus joined Instagram? He wanted online presents.
- What’s more unbelievable than a talking reindeer? A spelling bee.
- Why does Santa Claus have trouble spelling? He thinks there's Noel.
- What does Santa use to clean his sleigh? Comet.
- Why does Santa collect magazines? He’s got issues.
- Why does Santa use GPS? He doesn’t want to be a lost Claus.
- Where does Santa stay on vacation? At a ho-ho-ho-tel.
- Who says “Oh, oh, oh?” Santa Claus walking backward.
- What did the ocean say when Santa flew over? Nothing. It just waved.
- What do you call Santa when he’s on a break? A Santa pause.
- Which of Santa’s reindeer has the best moves? Dancer.
- Where does Santa store his suit? In his Claus-et.
- Why is Santa so good at karate? He’s got a black belt.
- What did one of Santa’s helpers say to the other? Let’s take an elfie.
- What did Santa and Mrs. Claus name their daughter? Mary Christmas.
- How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing. It was on the house.
- Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners? Rude-olph.
- What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses.
- How do you hire Santa Claus? You put him on a ladder.
- What did Santa say after returning to the North Pole? There’s snow place like home.
- What did Santa say to the comedian? You sleigh me.
- How do you invite Santa to a party? You request his presents.
- What do you call someone afraid of Santa? Claus-trophic.
- What’s a cat’s favorite holiday song? “Here Comes Santa Claws.”
- What did Santa do when his sleigh broke down? He got it mistle-toed.
- What happens when Santa gets stuck in the chimney? He gets claus-trophobia.
Santa one-liners
- Who delivers presents to good baby sharks? Santa Jaws.
- What do elves eat for lunch? Santa-wiches.
- Who delivers gifts to dogs? Santa Paws.
- What do Santa's elves drive to work? Minivans.
- Where does Santa deposit checks? At the snowbank.
- How can you tell Santa is near? You can feel his presents.
- Why does Santa come down the chimney? It soots him.
- What's Santa's favorite candy? Jolly Ranchers.
- What does Santa eat for dinner at the North Pole? Chill-i.
- What does Santa eat for breakfast? Mistle-toast.
- Why does Santa hate doing taxes? Because he's elf-employed.
Santa knock-knock jokes
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Coal. Coal who? Coal me when Santa's on his way.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Ima. Ima who? Ima hoping to be on Santa's nice list this year.
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Santa. Santa who? Santa Claus, duh!
- Knock, knock! Who’s there? Water. Water who? Water you askin’ Santa for Christmas?
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Knot. Knot who? Knot another Santa joke, pul-eez!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Interrupting Santa. Interrupting ... Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Howard. Howard who? Howard you like to get some presents from Santa?
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive the other reindeer are jealous that Santa likes Rudolph best.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Kris. Kris who? Kris Kringle. Merry Christmas to you!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Yule. Yule who? Yule be sorry if you're on Santa's naughty list.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Luke. Luke who? Luke at all the presents that Santa brought!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Auto. Auto who? You auto know who Santa is by now.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Kenya. Kenya who? Kenya stop with the Santa jokes already!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Wren. Wren who? Wren will these Santa jokes ever end?
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Yeah. Yeah who? Yeah who, I'm excited for Santa too!
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and go to bed so Santa can come down the chimney.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Ida. Ida who? Ida know, but I sure hope it's Santa.
- Knock, knock! Who's there? Harmony. Harmony who? Harmony Santa Claus knock-knock jokes can one person tell?
