‘We listen and we don’t judge.’
This is what Courtney Quist said to her husband Alex before she revealed a secret she’d been holding in for two years.
‘Remember when I knew you for four days and you helped me move into my apartment, and a couple of other guys showed up to help me move too?’ she said.
‘I was going on dates with them too. I just invited everyone I was dating at the time to help me move into my apartment.’
Courtney could barely contain her laughter as Alex’s jaw hung open in disbelief — but he couldn’t get angry.
Why? The pair were participating in a TikTok trend dubbed ‘we listen and we don’t judge’, where couples are challenged to confess to secrets they keep – no matter how trivial or embarrassing – with the promise they won’t be judged by their partner.
Courtney and Alex’s confessional received 17 million views and is just one of the countless videos of the trend circulating online.
Another couple, James Foreman and Bella Hill, confessed their relationship secrets to each other in front of their Christmas tree, entertaining nearly 400,000 viewers.
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With a smile on her face, Bella said: ‘When I leave skidders in the toilet I blame you, so then you have to deal with it.’
Despite his promise not to judge her, partner James branded it ‘gross’ — and most will agree, it’s certainly not great bathroom etiquette.
Hitting back, James revealed: ‘My favourite time of the year is when Love Island is on, so then I have an hour to myself playing the Xbox without getting judged.’
In what can only be described as a knife in the back, Bella also said she gives him the ‘sh**ty’ cutlery when serving dinner.
Their confessions were well received in the comments, with one TikToker, Ella Louise Penson, saying: ‘Howling! This is so healthy I can’t stop laughing.’
One couple took the trend a little more seriously though; when Janie and Dave Ippolito shared their secrets, it prompted a number of the clip’s 36 million viewers to suggest the trend be renamed: ‘we listen and we get divorced’.
In the video, where Janie and Dave can be seen sitting at the kitchen counter, he confesses: ‘Sometimes I go into our bedroom at night and pretend to fold laundry downstairs, just so I don’t have to help you clean up.’
Janie looked wholly unimpressed but Dave didn’t stop there. He also claimed he hides in the bathroom to avoid the ‘chaos’ of their kids, leaving her to handle them, and he pretends to fix things downstairs so he can play video games.
On the other hand, Janie confessed to faking headaches, pretending to get a facial when she’s really getting Botox, and lying about running errands so she can sit in the car and eat Chick-fil-A.
Commenters were especially unhappy with Dave, including one who wrote: ‘We listen and hear how Mum is overstimulated and has to fib to get a break but Dad is always taking breaks.’
TikToker Joe Mele also participated in the trend with his girlfriend, which ended with her storming off. ‘
You know how you made me unfollow Madison Beer on Instagram,’ he said. ‘Well I check her page every once in a while.’
This revelation ended their attempt at the trend abruptly, but most of the couples taking part in the trend have managed to stay true to the ‘don’t judge’ sentiment.
Nandzi and her partner had the right idea, with their video hitting nearly 9 million views as she admitted: ‘Remember those pants of yours that randomly went missing that time? I threw them out because they were ugly.’
In disbelief, her partner replied: ‘I loved those pants!’
She also shared that she turns the heating up and blames it on global warming — and in an incredibly relatable admission, her partner confessed he eats her leftovers then pretends he threw them out because they went off.
It’s all meant to be a bit of fun, but is it actually beneficial to our relationships, or is ‘we listen and we don’t judge’ an argument waiting to happen?
Relationship coach Gemma Nice tells Metro that the guise of it being a joke but actually providing a space for couples to confess without fear of judgement is a healthy thing to do.
‘Most of the time we don’t listen to each other, and this is a great way to listen and not be judgemental,’ she explains. But, where it falls short is that there’s no room for discussion after.
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While it doesn’t matter for the trivial confessions like giving your partner ‘sh**ty cutlery’ or eating their leftovers, more significant confessions ‘could lead to arguments’ if not talked through.
‘If you’ve got good communication in the first place you should be able to speak the truth there and then without it ending in an argument,’ Gemma says.
‘If the confessions are a little upsetting, then each party needs to feel seen and heard and work through any trauma or triggers this can carry. They need to be allowed to feel the feelings of hurt but also discuss how this makes them feel.’
She adds: ‘Both people need to be 100% committed to this trend — don’t do it if it’s one-sided. Be aware of your partner’s feelings and how what you say could impact them.’
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