If we’re ever going to achieve real equity, we need more men who ACTUALLY like women at the top. Because right now there are too many that don't.
Over the summer, I came across an article about the difference between the two. And now I see it everywhere.
The men who interrupt us, talk over us, or dismiss our ideas. The ones who only make eye contact with other men in meetings and rarely, if ever, direct a question to us. They complain about female leadership and think things authored or spoken by a woman isn’t "relevant to them.”
They might love women romantically. Desire us, even. But do they respect us? Do they value our contributions? Create safe spaces for us to thrive? Support our leadership?
Then, there are men who do. Men who genuinely listen, seek out our opinions, and amplify our ideas. They value women’s voices, and I’ve been lucky to work with many of them.
This dynamic doesn’t come out of thin air. Boys are conditioned to dismiss anything "girly." And when you train boys to reject the feminine, to think of it as “less-than” how can we be surprised when they grow into men who struggle to respect women?
Young women internalize this and learn to equate femininity with weakness or inferiority. They seek approval from male colleagues over their female counterparts, adopting “I’m not like other girls” survival strategies. Maybe this explains why so many female leaders feel they need to adopt “male traits” to succeed.
And the men who do like women often find themselves without role models. After all, if you can’t SEE IT, you can’t BE IT.
So how are we actively challenging these dynamics?
It’s not enough to just create programs for women (though those are crucial). How are we supporting men to model healthy, inclusive leadership? Are we offering mentorship programs connecting them with male leaders who respect and value women?
Because real equity doesn’t just mean more women at the top. It means more men who genuinely like women—and act like it.
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