THE 11 HAPPY COUPLE RULES of Coach Martin (V04) ~ A Panacea for Relationship Peace & Cordiality ~ No More Nastiness in Fighting over Disagreements !!

THE 11 HAPPY COUPLE RULES of Coach Martin Camden (V04) ~ A Panacea for Relationship Peace & Cordiality ~ No More Nastiness in Fighting over Disagreements !!

MAYBE COUPLES SHOULD BE HELPED BY A RELATIONSHIP THERAPIST WHO'S TOTAL AU FAIT WITH THIS ENTIRE PROCESS AND SO CAN ACT AS MEDIATOR / MODERATOR ....

1. NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO COMMUNICATE THREAT.
2. NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO COMMUNICATE AGGRESSION.
3. NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO EXPRESS HURT, NOR TO COMMUNICATE WITH ANY KIND OF PASSIVE-AGGRESSION, i.e. ALL COMMUNICATION SHOULD BE FREE OF ANY KIND OF GUILT-TRIPPING, SHAMING, ARM-TWISTING, AND/OR EVASION, WHETHER THAT COMMUNICATION IS VERBAL AND/OR NON-VERBAL ~ VIOLATION TO INCLUDE ANY KIND OF PERSISTENT TOMFOOLERY AND/OR GASLIGHTING, INCLUDING UNDERHANDEDLY AND/OR PERSISTENTLY MAKING LIGHT, OR HORROR, OF A MATTER THAT THE OTHER PROTAGONIST IS INSISTING SHOULD BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY ~ e.g. ALL TO DESIST FROM BODY LANGUAGE OR EMOTICONS OF (EXAGGERATED) ANXIETY, DISGUST, SHOCK, INCREDULITY, OR HURT, SUCH AS 'EYES SKYWARD' ~ SEE RULES 5 AND 8 ALSO.
4. COMMUNICATION OF ANY OTHER FEELING SHOULD BE MUTUALLY SUPPORTED.
5. IN ANY POTENTIAL FIGHT SITUATION, ALL CORE DISAGREEMENTS SHOULD BE IDENTIFIED, AND THEN REVIEWED ONE AT A TIME.
6. DISAGREEMENT SHOULD BE ACCEPTABLE ALWAYS ~ IT'S ALWAYS PERFECTLY FINE FOR THE OTHER PROTAGONIST TO REFUSE TO CHANGE THEIR MIND REGARDING ANY ESTABLISHED DISAGREEMENT ~ IN NO WAY SHOULD ANY DISAGREEMENT NEED TO BECOME A RELATIONSHIP STOPPER ~ IN FACT, HEALTHY DISAGREEMENT ALWAYS HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BECOME A RELATIONSHIP ENRICHER.
7. WHEREVER NO DISAGREEMENTS CAN BE IDENTIFIED, THEN RELAX AND GO BACK TO ENJOYING EACH OTHER, AS THERE'S THEN CLEARLY NOTHING TO FIGHT ABOUT.
8. NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO RUBBISH ANY DISAGREEMENT OF THE OTHER.
9. GRANT THE OTHER SOME CREDIT ~ THIS KIND OF RESPECTFUL TALKING SHOULD BE CONTINUED UNTIL EACH OPPOSING PROTAGONIST CAN ACKNOWLEDGE AT LEAST ONE UPSIDE OF EACH OF THE OTHER'S OPPOSING VIEWS.
10. WHEN ADHERED TO BY BOTH / ALL PROTAGONISTS, THEN WHENEVER THIS DOESN'T RESULT IN THE ON-GOING MAINTENANCE OF PEACE AND/OR CORDIALITY ALL ROUND, THEN ALL WISE PROTAGONISTS SHOULD AVOID THE OTHER(S), AND SEPARATION AND/OR DIVORCE MAY BE CALLED FOR.
11. THESE 11 RULES SHOULD BE 'POLICED' WITHOUT BREAKING THESE 11 RULES !!

RULE VIOLATION ANALYSIS ARISING FROM A MOST INSANE (ACCORDING TO ME) CONVERSATION WITH MY 53 YEAR OLD SISTER

RULE 3 ~ SISTER, YOU ARE A PERSISTENT VIOLATOR OF RULE 3:!!

SISTER, WILL WE NEED, AS IN CULT RESCUE, TO TIE YOU TO A CHAIR IN A REMOTE LOG CABIN IN THE OUTBACK, WHERE NO ONE CAN HEAR YOUR SCREAMS, AND SLAP YOU HARD EVERY TIME YOU VIOLATE RULE 3? ~ (EXPLOITATION OF RULE 3 VIOLATION SPREADS VIRALLY AMONGST THOSE WHO HAVE LITTLE UNDERSTANDING OF THE CONCEPT OF 'INTEGRITY' ~ WILL THE PROCESSES HERE EXPLAINED SERVE AS A MUCH NEEDED ANTI-VIRUS) !?

RULE 4 ~ YOU HIDE / DISGUISE YOUR TRUE FEELINGS AND, WHEN YOU ARE MORE FORTHCOMING, YOU DON'T EXPRESS THESE WITH MUCH HONESTY. WHY ARE YOU HIDING YOUR CORE DISAGREEMENTS !? ~ SEE RULE 5 !!

RULE 4 ~ YOU TRY TO GET ME TO KEEP MY TRUE FEELINGS TO MYSELF. I PERSIST, BUT IT'S HARD TO GET MY MESSAGES ACROSS TO YOU WITHOUT BREAKING THESE RULES MYSELF WHICH, IN YOUR CASE, WOULD PROVE COUNTERPRODUCTIVE ANYWAY !! ~ I NEED TO LEARN TO PUSH FOR IDENTIFICATION OF CORE DISAGREEMENTS SOONER ~ SEE RULE 5.

RULE 5 ~ UNTIL WE IDENTIFY OUR CORE DISAGREEMENTS, I MAY JUST CONTINUE TO TRY TO BLOW AWAY THE SMOKE OF YOUR SMOKESCREENS BY RESORTING TO UNRELENTING APPLICATION OF PURE LOGIC DEVOID OF ALL EMOTIONAL FEEDBACK (PLAY PSYCHOPATHIC ANDROID) !!

RULE 6 ~ YOU ARE REFUSING TO CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT SOME AS YET UNDISCLOSED DISAGREEMENTS, WHICH SEEMS OKAY ACCORDING TO RULE 6, BUT THIS IS VERY CONFUSING FOR ME AS I DON'T YET KNOW WHAT OUR CORE DISAGREEMENTS ARE, AND I SEE YOU AS CONFOUNDING ALL NORMAL EFFORTS TO GET THESE REVEALED ~ WHICH I SEE AS A RULE 3 VIOLATION !!

RULE 8 ~ ALMOST EVERY (DEFLECTIVE) 'SIDE-ISSUE' THAT YOU BRING UP GETS FLAGGED UP BY ME AS A VIOLATION OF ONE OF THESE RULES OR ANOTHER, AND ALL OF MY RESPONSES ARE THEN RUBBISHED BY YOU, SEEMINGLY IN VIOLATION OF RULE 8 ~ BUT THERE HAVE BEEN. NO CORE DISAGREEMENTS (WHICH RULE 8 APPLIES TO) IDENTIFIED YET, SO YOU ARE CAUSING US BOTH TO WASTE A LOT OF TIME BY RESORTING TO EVASION TACTICS AS PROHIBITTED BY RULE 3 ~ WHENEVER I FLAG UP A VIOLATION OF YOURS IN FUTURE, I REQUEST THAT YOU STOP IN YOUR TRACKS, TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE NATURE OF THE VIOLATION JUST FLAGGED UP, AND THEN TRY TO TAKE EFFECTIVE CORRECTIVE ACTION ~ OTHERWISE I COULD VERY WELL BE HAVING MUCH LESS TIME FOR YOU !!

RESULTANT CONVERSATION: SISTER (53) CONTINUING TO BE A PAIN

LITTLE SISTER: I have no need for rules !! ~ If you wish to lodge a complaintabout the way I communicate, I would be happy to discuss any issue as it arises !!

BIG BROTHER MARTIN: Okay, but I may wish to refer to my rules as a framework for explaining to you the nature of any persistent communication sabotage of yours !!

Communication sabotage is the very nature of 'bitch' !! ~ and, remember, this is not 'misogyny' coz 'bitch' is a genderless issue ~ it's just that the way men violate Rule 3, typically, seems less 'bitchy' !!

Competing with men head on on a level playing-field, women (i.e. all compulsive Rulec 3 violators) fall flat on their faces coz their understanding of communication for results is crap compared with that of most men but, they like to think that men play evil tricks to keep them tied to the kitchen sink, rather than women admitting that they can gossip much better than they can communicate for results !!

NB: This is only a gendered issue in cultures where 'women' (actually ANYONE / ONLY THOSE of a victim mindset) exploit use of Rule 3 to compete with 'men' (actually, all people less guilty of over-thinking / over-simplification) ~ and, perversely, this becomes a bit of a trap where what then turns up is tempting to address with more of the same bloody nonsense on all sides !!

To stop themselves from feeling like powerless imbeciles, too many 'women' these days (and all of their 'Simp' supporters) find that they can find solace in endlessly butting in. This causes chaos, but such 'women' can't tell the difference between the mess they make, and then their contribution to unmaking that very same mess ~ they then think that they communicate for results just as well as men, where the only place they ever get their self-estem from is effectiveness in unaware covert sabotage ~ unaware until now !!

All feedback to Coach Martin, whether inspired by curiosity, constructive or not (hate speech okay) to my e-mail ~ martincamden.tv@gmail.com !!

And for coaching offerings and other supplementary information, please feel fred to visit my website ~ www.martincamden.tv !!