To my knowledge, this will be my very first Christmas season that I will spend alone, in my apartment, with my 2.5-year old pit/lab, Sasha at my side.
It's been a trying year. I daresay, that 2021 has been tougher for me, and many others, than the preceding year.
This Christmas season is no different. The outbreak of the omicron variant has created new logistical challenges for people all over the world to gather with their families. There are also many communities that have been ravaged by weather destruction, mass-shootings, death of loved ones, climate control, political divisions, and so-on.
I also have a million ideas for at-home, "projects" or "activities" that I can do to keep myself busy and occupied, just like I did during the last lockdown, but I also don't have to force myself to complete anything on a to-do list because, in my honest view, it's time to just slow down and take it easy.
One thing that I have noticed is that this year, given the flux of job changes from the Great Resignation, the hybrid/remote work model, the reduced "noise" around traditional holiday gatherings, gift-giving and gluttony that has characterized the wretched six week stretch from Turkey Day to New Years day, there is an opportunity and an opening to do things differently.
The power of positive reflection (or even negative reflection, for that matter) can provide context and stability for a wandering, chaotic, and seemingly lonely inner psyche when things seem to be completely astray, like they have all year.
The pace of disruption and vicious news cycles have taken a toll on everyone's mental health, mine included. And, I don't think that is going to change at anytime soon in 2022.
I'm struggling to cope with what seems like a constant deluge of change, on a daily basis, that affect our lives before we're even prepared to respond.
But today, and for the rest of the year, I'm going to give myself permission to take a deep breath, and acknowledge that I did everything that I possibly could to make it through this year as resiliently as I could. Not so much positively, successfully, or dominantly, but rather, courageously, and that is enough.
So, here's to the things that went down in 2021, the good, the bad, and the ugly, that has given me perspective on how to (hopefully) be able to sit down and write a similar post a year from now.
- In January, restaurants in Chicago re-opened to indoor gatherings and allowed me the change to enjoy meals with my loved ones. I set up a karaoke machine in my apartment, and was able to enjoy a very small, socially-distanced birthday party with a few close friends.
- Speaking of karaoke, I've become a fanatic. I believe that I sang karaoke at least 2-3x per week, sometimes 2-3x per evening, and discovered the joy that is singing my favorite songs. Not to gain popularity, but rather to re-discover the passion I have for music and performance. Karaoke is the ultimate test of vulnerability.
- In February, Sasha, my pit/lab, was violently attacked at a dog park and his neck was completely ripped open with a 3" gash that required immediate surgery and sedation. It was a Friday evening, in the middle of a blizzard, and I was unable to even stay in the vet's office due to COVID-19. I had to sit in a Target across the street, and did Salesforce training on my phone to keep my mind of things. The owner of Sasha's attacker did not take responsibility, and that's a separate conversation altogether. There was an $800 bill, plus much rest and recovery to nurse Sasha back to health and protect his (and my) mental health. I'm thankful to say he has made a full recovery, although we do have some PTSD episodes every now and again, but man, we rose to the occasion.
- That same month, Chicago was covered in snow for an eternity. I completed the Whole30 diet for the 4th year in a row (and not being able to enjoy a glass of wine during Sasha's recovery was TOUGH) but I did it. Every morsel of food consumed in my apartment was prepared by Chef Rohan. I consistently made it to the gym on a regular basis, masked up, and did grueling workouts with kettlebells and barbells that bolstered my immunity.
- Speaking of Salesforce, I went full-throttle at work leading the COVID-19 Contact Tracing effort for the State of Illinois. My team worked daily with the CDC, IDPH, CDPH, Cook County, and contact tracers from over 97 jurisdiction across the State to build out a robust system to collect real-time data on COVID-19 infections in Illinois. We added wrap-around services to provide essential needs for individuals in isolation and quarantine. I self-pioneered several lengthy training sessions, in Salesforce, in Spanish, to community-based organizations across Illinois providing resources for COVID-19-infected individuals who were undocumented or ESL. It was stressful, and this work continued for several months afterward, but it was so rewarding, and arguably, felt like I was achieving professional milestones that I had never imagined possible. I am so thankful to my former firm for giving me that opportunity.
- March was an opportunity to spend more time outdoors with warmer weather. My favorite holiday, St. Patrick's day, was fortunately a warm day where my friends and I could enjoy beers outside. I had put an offer in on a condo that was under contract, and I was so excited to move in to it. I had to pull out of the offer after three weeks of negotiations standstills, and I suppose I narrowly avoided a disaster given how the market would respond in the months following. It was still a big disappointment, but I learned a ton.
- April invited more time outdoors, and finally, the COVID-19 vaccines! I was able to see more friends, and became the co-captain of a kickball team, "Kick Kick Hota Hai." We won several games, and lost a few others, but we made new friends and celebrated the ability to be playing sports again.
- In early May, I took a much needed trip to Florida and enjoyed a week of relaxation and sunshine. I met up with some friends and made new ones. I enjoyed the simple pleasures of unstructured time, which provides so much healing and re-charge when things seem crazy.
- Speaking of crazy, I took my PMP exam in mid-May. I had been studying for this exam for almost a year, attempting to grow my credentials in the Agile space while also solidifying many areas of opportunity for me to grow as a project manager. The lockdown had been a perfect time to study, but staying motivated was a huge, daunting task. I remember taking the exam on a Friday evening, and needed the full, four hours to complete it, end-to-end. It kicked my butt. I was sure I had failed. But I didn't: I passed, and I'm so thankful for the endless hours it took to prepare.
- Alas, things didn't stay warm for much longer, as I was involved in a terrible biking accident a week later. It required surgery, and I had several broken ribs and fractured my left hand. Again, this is another story with heartbreaking elements to it, much like Sasha's attack months before. I had to go on short-term disability for the first time in my life, as I struggled to keep up with work, life, taking care of Sasha, and recovery. I did the best that I could, and focused on myself, although it was really tough at times.
- In June, I started to relax a bit more. Things started to re-open in Chicago, and I began going to the beach, taking Sasha with me, and going to bar-be-ques, drag shows, comedy shows, more karaoke, a few peaceful protests, Pride events, concerts, street festivals, and playing beach volleyball. I reconnected with friends I hadn't seen in over a year. I ate delicious meals at wonderful Chicago restaurants.
- In July, I made the courageous trip to visit Delhi to celebrate my grandmother's 90th birthday. It was a controversial decision given that India was ravaged with the Delta variant of COVID-19, but I knew that this was a once-in-a-lifetime decision. Despite the flack that I got, and the challenge of navigating logistical disasters with flying, I made it, and had the most fantastic time with my grandmother, uncle, aunt, and cousins, as we all quarantined in one house and celebrated together. My grandmother said, on a daily basis, that I had, "made her birthday," which was heart-touching.
- That same time period, I also encountered several sudden losses in life: my upstairs neighbor, who was young, LGBTQ, a good friend of mine, and had helped me with Sasha while I was in recovery, passed away suddenly right before I left for Delhi. I had literally seen him hours before his death in our front yard. I had to work with the Chicago police and take care of his dog until his parents arrived. I will never forget having to hand over his puppy to his mother that morning.
- When I arrived in Delhi, I found out that my aunt, on my Dad's side, had a freak accident and fallen in her apartment, and her body was discovered a few days later. Due to COVID-19, we were unable to be with her, and it was a confounding experience to be celebrating life (for my grandmother) alongside confronting immediate loss of life on so many fronts. I would lose a few more friends in 2021, not to COVID-19 per say, but due to accidents, addiction or mental health/suicide. It was hard, it has been hard, to feel so close to death this year. I am so thankful for my therapist who helps guide me through these challenges.
- In August, I transitioned to a new client at work which gave me a bit of relief from the "burn-out" of the contact tracing project. I celebrated Market Days with my friends, attended a wedding in Colorado Springs, and another on in South Bend, for two dear friends of mine. I was overwhelmed by the presence of love, gratitude, and friendships for these individuals, who are long time friends from Undergrad and Grad school. I did some hiking in Colorado and brought Sasha with me to South Bend to, "brainwash" my son to be a Notre Dame Dog Fan ;)
- In September, I started kickball again, and finally got my car up to Chicago, which makes it much easier to transport Sasha around. I savored the last bits of warm weather at the beach and flew to LA to attend the Cranky Flier Dork Fest for the first time ever.
- October also brought about numerous changes for me: I switched jobs and started at a new firm, which so far, has been awesome. I had an epic Halloween dressed up as an Eagle Scout, and continued to do more karaoke.
- In November, I celebrated Diwali like there was no tomorrow, and attended friends-givings and more shows, concerts, and performances, given that it was safe to be indoors with friends as long as we were vaccinated. I received my booster, and hosted my parents in Chicago for the first time in years. I took them to some great restaurants and we were able to catch up.
- December, I did the Santa Speedo run for the 3rd time benefitting the Center on Halsted. I ate tacos with friends, and went to a few holiday parties where I made new friends. I had the chance to meet my new co-workers for the first time at an event, and went into an office for the first time in nearly 2 years. Then, just as I was leaving for New York to spend Christmas with my family, I tested positive for COVID, and we're back to square one :) Thanks, Omicron!
So, there we have it: a beautiful, messy year with highs and lows, and certainly, no boredom whatsoever. Consider this one of those obnoxious Christmas cards that we all love to hate, and hate to love, filled with a synopsis of delight and delectation.
The most important takeaway, however, is that I am grateful: for my health, for Sasha's health, for my friends and family, for those who continue to fight and never give up, for those who inspire me, for those who have my back, and for those who know I also have their back. Living bravely, courageously, and vulnerably is hard work. Showing up sometimes took every fiber of my being. I failed a lot this year. I made mistakes and poor decisions. And yet, I'm here, I'm alive, and I'm going to do the best that I possibly can to see everything through.
I hope, and wish, the same to you as well.
