5 Lies of Leadership You Need to Stop Telling Yourself

Throughout my early career, I was sold a very precise picture of leadership.

It was often painted as a path of unwavering certainty, bold decision-making, unquestionable authority and sheer resilience. Leadership wasn’t just a set of actions, it was an armour. And everyone else saw it as impenetrable.

Rightly so…

It maintained the illusion of control and strength. During hard times, that quality gave people confidence, a sense of comfort and a deep sense of trust in the authority of those at the helm of a ship.

However, beneath this veneer of confidence, there are lies that even the most seasoned leaders tell themselves. I have been one of them…

These aren’t just harmless fibs; they’re narratives that can derail our growth and authenticity as leaders. As a consequence, it also disconnects us from the workforce and prevents meaningful alignment. No business can grow from that.

Today, I’m pulling back the curtain on the five biggest lies I’ve told myself—and others—on my own journey.

Ready for a dose of uncomfortable truth? Let’s dive in.

1. "I Have All the Answers"

The Lie:

As leaders, we’re expected to have a solution for every problem. This expectation can create a pressure cooker environment where admitting "I don’t know" feels like failure. But it’s not. It’s an opportunity.

In my first years of managing a team, I committed to a creed of bringing solutions to my superiors before I ever presented them with a problem. Being proactive and premeditative may show your loyalty and willingness to be impactful, but at the wrong moment, it can also massively delay problems.

The Truth:

No one has all the answers, and pretending otherwise stifles innovation and growth. The real power lies in fostering a culture where questions are valued more than immediate answers. Embracing vulnerability and encouraging your team to explore solutions collaboratively leads to richer, more sustainable outcomes. It’s not surrendering an accountability to the problem at hand. It embraces accountability to find the best solution.

How to Break Free:

Encourage Curiosity: Promote a learning-focused culture where questions are welcomed and explored.

Admit Gaps: Be honest about what you don’t know and seek input from diverse perspectives to improve and elevate your performance.

Collaborate: Lean on the collective intelligence of your team to find the best path forward (many people overlook the knowledge and solutions available in-house).

2. "I'm Too Busy to Focus on Myself"

The Lie:

Leaders often prioritise their team's needs above their own, convincing themselves that their personal well-being can wait. Years ago, that need to show up for every crisis led me to severe burnout. I was still sending emails from my hospital bed!

It’s not about being too busy. It’s about not enforcing the correct boundaries.  

The Truth:

Neglecting self-care leads to burnout, decreased productivity, and poor decision-making. Prioritising your mental and physical health isn’t selfish; it’s essential for sustainable leadership. The golden rule that every leader forgets: YOU are your own first resource. Without your investment of mental focus, energy and even physical endurance, nothing will get done.

How to Break Free:

• Schedule Self-Care: Block out time for activities that recharge you. Start by making time for basic life admin first to regain a sense of balance. Then carve out time for the things you are interested in.
• Delegate: Trust your team with responsibilities to free up time for yourself. Hire the specialists, train them in your systems, iterate through feedback and then trust them to apply their expertise.
• Set Boundaries: Clearly define work hours and personal time. Not every unfinished task is a priority, otherwise you would have done it earlier in the day. Don’t work more, find a way to work more efficiently.

3. "Being Tough Means Being Respected"

The Lie:

Many leaders believe that showing toughness and unwavering resolve is the key to earning respect and authority. They even limit contact because of it. 

Many years ago I was watching the performance of my team plummet from my glass-corner office, realising that this disconnect blinded me to the source of the problem. By getting back into the trenches for 3 months, I realised that my openness gave me more visibility over operations. As a consequence, it also enabled me to be more reactive to issues that needed solving. It all came from understanding my team’s perspective.

The Truth:

True respect is earned through empathy, understanding, and authenticity. A leader who listens and responds with compassion is far more impactful than one who leads with an iron fist. Because you respond to the events that are communicated to you, instead of the assumptions you make from being removed from operations.

How to Break Free:

• Practice Empathy: Make a conscious effort to understand your team's perspectives and feelings.
• Show Humility: Share your own challenges and failures openly. It creates a relatable platform for teaching moments and inspiration.
• Build Relationships: Invest time in getting to know your team members personally. Know their strengths, shortcomings and boundaries to curate your expectations.

4. "Change Must Be Big to Be Meaningful"

The Lie:

There’s a belief that only grand, sweeping changes are worth pursuing, leading to the dismissal of incremental improvements. Many wait for external events to put enough strain on internal systems before considering anything like an update, upgrade or transformation. But the problem is, that this delay can cause overwork, mistakes, and inefficiencies and eventually affect the competitiveness of the company.

The Truth:

Small, consistent changes can lead to significant transformations over time. The key is to focus on continuous improvement rather than waiting for the perfect moment to implement a major overhaul. It is far less expensive to invest in the maintenance of a system you rely on than replacing a broken system that was unable to meet demands over time. It can break the entire company down as well.

How to Break Free:

• Celebrate Small Wins: Recognise and reward incremental progress. It will also inspire a habit of prioritising consistent upkeep instead of negligence/avoidance.
• Iterate: Implement changes in small steps and adjust based on feedback. 
• Be Patient: Understand that meaningful change often takes time to manifest. Some parts of your business may benefit sooner than others, depending on how desperately the change is needed.

5. "I Can’t Show Weakness"

The Lie:

Leaders often feel that they must project unwavering strength and confidence at all times, fearing that any sign of weakness will undermine their authority.

The Truth:

Showing vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. It humanises you, builds trust, and fosters a more resilient and connected team. People relate to struggle because it is a holistic test of their character, skills and personality — essentially it shows how people remain true to themselves despite adversity. 

How to Break Free:

• Be Authentic: Share your honest takes on your struggles to make them feel real and make actionable advice more believable.
• Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to ask for help when needed. That same position of strength can be much better maintained by mending along the way instead of pondering over the big fix later.
• Foster Openness: Encourage a culture where team members feel safe to express their vulnerabilities. You may learn to do so yourself.
• Talk to your peers: Explore experiences similar to yours to feel less alone in your turbulence, break old biases together, and collaborate on ways to redefine leadership. Having a cheerleader at the right moments helps as well!

Time to Deprogramme…

The journey of leadership is as much about unlearning as it is about learning. 

The uncertainties of this decade, the composition of the modern workforce and the rapid pace of change are calling for a new calibre of leadership. The world needs genuine presence, empathy and resilience from the people in charge. Not a battered piece of armour pieced together from tired sayings and limiting beliefs.

If we confront and shed these lies, we can step into a more authentic, effective, and inspiring form of leadership that starts making the difference we hope to see.

Remember, the path to greatness is paved with truth, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. 

Embrace it, and watch your leadership—and the environment it impacts—transform.

Any sayings you need to deprogramme from?

Let’s find a way past it as peers. 

Connect with me. We have a wealth of collective experience to draw from.