Accept a compliment

Some people go fishing for compliments. But plenty of others have a tendency to downplay the compliment or deny it in some way. There’s a famous sketch from the Inside Amy Schumer show where a group of female friends go around complimenting each other. When someone says something nice, the recipient responds by immediately trashing herself. Finally, the last woman decides to accept the compliment — and her friends basically just explode.

Many of us “have been taught to overdo the modesty,” writes Meredith Fineman in her book Brag Better: Master the Art of Fearless Self-Promotion. But it is totally possible to accept praise without knocking the world off its orbit. “Letting others celebrate your accomplishments can make you feel good, let your legacy carry on, and also bring goodwill and joy to those around you.”

Pivoting praise

So how do you accept a compliment in a way that feels authentic? One obvious idea is just to say “thank you.” That is perfectly gracious!

However, if a simple thank you feels incomplete, you could augment it by saying something that reflects well on the person who complimented you. Like “thank you, that’s so thoughtful of you to point out,” or “thank you, I really appreciate your support.”

If you like, you can use the compliment to pivot to a trait you feel more sure of. If someone tells you that your presentation was brilliant, you don’t have to say “yes I’m brilliant.” You could say “thank you, I worked really hard on it.” Or “Thank you, I’m glad you thought all my practice paid off.”

If it makes sense to accept the compliment by sharing some of the basking, that can be wise as well. If someone tells you that she loves your sweater, try “thanks, my sister helped me pick it out — she has such great taste.”

Seize the opportunity

Even better, you can always pivot the compliment to suggest that you could do more great things in the future. When someone says how well you ran that meeting you can say “Thanks — I’d love to present to some bigger groups in the future,” or if someone compliments a report, “Thanks — who else do you think I can share this with?”

All of these put more positive vibes out into the world than saying the equivalent of “what, this old thing?” Accepting gifts is far more gracious than turning them down, and denying a compliment is really the equivalent of the latter. So just produce the equivalent of a thank you note and you’re good to go.

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