The Aloha Friday Newsletter

Happy Aloha Friday!

Now that we are past the summer solstice, summer is officially in full swing!

I’m sure many of you are out enjoying vacations with your family and soaking up the sun.

I had the pleasure of watching my eldest graduate college a couple of weeks ago and I am one proud Momma. Seeing all her dedication and hard work pay off is such a wonderful and fulfilling thing. I was glowing all weekend.

And she’s off to the next chapter of her life and I cannot wait to see her continue to grow and work toward her dreams.

And now that I have gushed about my amazing daughter, onto your regularly scheduled Dear Aunty Dana Mahina!

Dear Aunty Dana Mahina...

…My calendar is completely packed and I’m overwhelmed but I keep helping out the people in my life. I just can’t seem to say no! How do I stop taking on more responsibility without feeling like I’m letting down the people around me?

I don’t know a single person who hasn’t struggled with this, dear Reader. You are absolutely in good company.

We’ve all done it. We have all, at some point, accepted a task, project, or party invitation even though we’re already running on near empty.

The first myth we have to dispel is that saying no is somehow letting down the people around you. No one who truly cares about you will ever begrudge you for saying no when your plate is already overflowing. You can’t help or be helpful to anyone if you’re drowning. You’ll only run yourself ragged and end up with pneumonia for the third time this year (and yes, I am speaking from personal experience).

Saying No Makes Room for Yes

Saying “No” to something is how you communicate your priorities and values to the people around you. And saying no is absolutely a muscle that you build over time.

How do we build that muscle? With practice!

Challenge: Say One Yes to Every Ten No’s

I know, I know. That’s pretty terrifying. And you don’t have to start at ten if the thought of saying no that many times breaks you out in a cold sweat. Start with three and work your way up.

It’s important to be selective and be absolutely sure that the opportunities, tasks, and social gatherings you take part in align with your priorities and help you in the pursuit of your most authentic self.

Guidelines for When to Say No

So, how do you know when you need to say no?

1. You Feel Like You “Should” Say Yes -- Feeling like you need to agree to take on something, even though you know that you don’t have the time or the energy, means you need to say no! Forcing yourself to take on something that doesn’t align with your passion and interests means you will have less time for the things that fulfill you.
2. They’re Expecting You to Say Yes -- If someone is expecting you to say yes and you are only saying yes because of that expectation, say no.
3. It Crosses A Personal Boundary -- As you learn to say no, you will start to set boundaries that make sense for you. These boundaries are your line in the sand. Don’t let anyone (not even people you love) cross these boundaries.

Learning to say no is a skill that you build over time. And no is a powerful word when it is backed by intent and certainty. By choosing when you say no, you communicate your priorities, interests, and boundaries.

When you value your time and are honest with yourself and those around you about what you can and can’t take on, you lessen the load on your plate and the feeling of guilt, while making room for things that bring you joy.

Have a question you’d like me to answer in the next newsletter? DM me or leave your question in the comments!

Tools to Embrace Your Joy and Lead Your Life

Until Next Time,