The Art of Gratitude: 3 Steps to Express Genuine Thanks

In this season of giving, think back on who's made your life easier, more joyful, and supported your growth at home, in the community, and at work. How do you express your gratitude? A few years ago, I made a personal commitment to send 100 hand-painted thank-you cards in one year; in addition to calling people regularly, and meeting them in person when I'm in town, this practice deepens my relationships and helps me stay connected to a diasporic network of friends and colleagues. As you ramp up at home for the holiday season and wind down for the year at work, here are some tips to reflect on and mull over (with some wine or cider) on how to deepen your connection to your team and loved ones.

1. Time — frequency is important.

Genuine connection takes repeat touch-points.

I appreciate my real estate and biz dev friends and their once-a-year birthday card, however, it feels transactional when they are not present in my life regularly. If I only hear from someone when they want to do a business deal or support them in their chapters, and it's not reciprocal, the annual gratitude can feel rootless. Some other ways to stay in touch beyond the thank-you card: check-in privately and slide into their DM's when you see something significant in their lives play out on social media, schedule a chat out of the blue when you think of them, schedule a meal or a walk when you're in town and give them due notice so they can make time, send a note to celebrate their wins, and reach out when they're at their lows. If you haven't heard from them or connected for awhile, send a quick note and ask how they're doing. The highs and lows of the past couple of years have given ample opportunity for meaningful human connection. When expressing gratitude, let them know regularly why they are meaningful and valuable to you.

2. Place

Praise publicly, gift privately.

If you're a team leader, expressing gratitude in front of the team means the world - this can be virtual or IRL. Make more space to connect and express gratitude during year-end meetings than usual. In addition to a monetary bonus (if that is a tradition for your team), name the characteristics of how this person contributes to the team and org for the year. With the simultaneous trends of quiet quitting, the great resignation, and significant layoffs - many orgs will have deeply low morale this holiday season. Gratitude has data-backed evidence to support retention at work.

For those you know and appreciate who don't appreciate public attention, sending them a meaningful gift with a personalized note will express deep gratitude.

3. Depth & Meaning

Authenticity requires personalization and specifics.

The end-of-year email and printed postcards with family portraits are a tradition I had to get used to. It's a once size fits all expression and a one-way communication for those you care about to get an update on what you've been up to for the year. The reciprocity is that you hope others do the same thing! In my experience, this isn't the case.

For genuine expressions of gratitude at work, with your team, with partners, clients, and loved ones, take note and think back on the stories, moments, and examples of how they really shine for you throughout the year. Recall their moments of wins, successes, the lessons they learned, and how you saw them overcome and pull through—name those. Take note of what they enjoy, appreciate, including any goofy things that they like that others wouldn't - one of my best friends brought me a stack of niche high-end magazines when I was sick, and it floored me. He's a great example of paying attention! The little things count, and he treats his team the same way at work.

Summary

To genuinely express gratitude, take the time to connect throughout the year, praise them publicly in person and online, gift them and send notes privately, and personalize and provide specific examples of how they stand apart and provide meaning for you.

Examples of how to package all three practices at work:

1. Your donor or org partner: Throughout the year send a note and check-in. During the holidays send a gift or make a donation in their behalf to an org that align with their values.
2. Your mentor or sponsor: Schedule time when you're in the same city, at the end of the year send them a gift card to experience the place where you met with their team or their loved ones.
3. Your favorite thought-leader: Repost their content, tag them in the content of how they exemplify that idea or practice. Send them regular articles or blogs that reminds you of things you've discussed or share similar opinions on (effective altruism was a big one for me in Q4 this year as it devolved and how it informs how we give or don't give).
4. Your client or team member: Regularly praise and highlight when they're doing well throughout the year during virtual calls, in emails, and in person. Acknowledge areas you're seeing growth and progress. At the end of the year send a note and a personalized gift or experience that aligns to what they enjoy.
5. Your family member or relative: Spend quality time 1:1 throughout the year (I do this with all my first cousins), at year-end convene, and do something special to highlight the time you've spent together. Whether it's a special meal or convening the entire extended family for a baking session and send a booklet of family recipes - find new ways to create tradition and togetherness.

GRATITUDE TOOLKIT

1. Intentionalists' Gift Box & Gift Cards Program - Intentionalist gift cards and gift boxes make it easy for you to gift like it matters! Delight your friends, team members, board members, volunteers, or clients with an intentionally curated gift box featuring items from local diverse-owned small businesses based in Seattle.  They've also shipped to clients across the U.S. that I've worked with. [full disclosure, they're a client]
2. Priya Parker's Gathering Toolkit - I find these deeply useful to center meaning, purpose, and connection for all your gatherings whether IRL or online. Explore a number of resources to spark inspiration, feed your curiosity, and nurture your gathering practice and express your thanks in your tribes.
3. Maria Popova's Archives on Gratitude - A wonderful way to explore and find your philosophy and approach to giving and thanking.