A Book A Day - Weekly Digest 21

Mindset by Carol Dweck

💡Key takeaway💡

Reading this book resonated deeply with me and how I have spent my life working hard to move from a fixed mindset to a growth one. WIP.

💎 Key ideas💎

Fixed Mindset (M). Talent is king, a person's abilities are set in stone, whether intelligent/talented, stupid/incompetent. Companies believing that don't invest much in development, they just hire the best they can find. People with that M believe that they can only be good at their natural aptitude. They think people judge them, they show off how talented, smart they are. They seek approval to protect their egos.

Growth Mindset. Kids with a growth M want more challenge, they want to learn more. Their satisfaction comes from pushing the limits of their growth potential. They are aware that practice and failure makes them better. People with this M want to learn from the bests, they adapt to learn better. They encourage their loved ones to do the same, they play as team-players, they show respect, they ask for feedback, honest opinions.

Fixed M example: Lee Iacocca at Chrysler Motors, putting more energy in his own image than the company's welfare, seeking approval. Growth M example: Lou Gerstner from IBM, he broke down hierarchies, emphasized teamwork, opened communication pathways, establishing a personal contact with many employees. It was a move from individual success to shared development.

With a fixed M, people don't believe they can learn from mistakes, which enrage you as they make them feel like a loser. They make excuses, cheat, lose interest, do not seek help, do not try to get better. Michael Jordan (NBA) was not always great, but he consistently worked on everything he failed and with his team.

For a fixed M, gifted people should not have to try so hard, effort and time in a task expose them to a lack of excuse if they fail. So they avoid difficult situations. Christopher Reeve was supposed to be paralyzed for life, but he trained and managed to move his hands, his legs, and upper body.

Mindset development begins at birth. Babies have a growth mindset. Adults play a huge role in maintaining this or not. Some parents will judge their kids, others will encourage them. Growth M babies try to help crying babies, fixed M not. Teachers also play a big role, believing students' performance is fixed or not.

Anyone can adopt a growth mindset and make the impossible possible. Being conscious of negative thoughts we have when we fail. Reaching out to others for support. Making plans to achieve our goals. It is hard but possible, and key to self-fulfilment.

#ABookADay #readingbooks #mindset #growthmindset #fixedmindset

Executive Presence by Sylvia Ann Hewlett

💡Key takeaway💡

Confidence, poise, authenticity. People you trust can tell you how you do on this. Presence can be learned, you just need to know what to work on.

💎 Key ideas💎

If you aspire to success, you’ll need to develop executive presence. It's a mixture of qualities showing that you're in command, or deserve to be. There are three pillars to executive presence according to research from the Center for Talent Innovation: the way you act (gravitas), the way you speak (communication), the way you look (appearance).

Gravitas is the ability to exude courage, integrity, confidence, particularly in times of crisis. During the Gulf of Mexico oil spill crisis, Bob Dudley (MD at BP) presented a cool, and compassionate, considered leadership. In contrast, the CEO Tony Hayward created a public relations mess (the famous: "I'd like my life back"). Dudley eventually took over as CEO.

Great leaders balance decisiveness with compassion. Decisiveness is crucial: not making the best decisions,but simply making one when others don't dare. Bold moves as it takes courage. Though such qualities can be dangerous without empathy and compassion. Emotional intelligence signals you have self and situational awareness.

Strong communication skills are always a deciding factor in establishing executive presence. The way you "talk the walk". Passion, voice quality, presence are characteristics that make a persuasive speaker. To avoid: inarticulateness, poor grammar, filler words, off-putting vocal pitch/accent, verbal tics, shrillness. Optimal is 125 Hz. Have a mentor or a speed coach.

You only have five seconds to touch the audience. Use this time to show yourself as human, unveil just enough of your core to create a connection between your listeners and you. You need to be liked but without needing it. Be brief, straightforward, tell stories. Pay attention to the mood, absorb cultural cues, adjust your language, style.

Appearance is not as vital as gravitas but it is a filter. Nobody will bother assessing you if your appearance is off. Appearance can help you feel confident, credible, trustworthy. This can be learned, starting with grooming. Minimize distractions from your performance. Being tidy is also respect for your clients, colleagues, yourself.

Attractive people have it easier (best jobs, more money, etc.). You can reach some of that too, embody fitness and wellness. People are seen as less effective if they have a high BMI. Your appearance indicates that you're able to take care of yourself. Be toned enough, wear appropriate clothes that fit you.

#ABookADay #readingbooks #executivepresence

The Power of Bad by John Tierney, Roy Baumeister

💡Key takeaway💡

Rationality and knowing yourself go a long way to limit the power of negativity.

💎 Key ideas💎

Negative experiences are more powerful than positive ones. Positivity ratio: sense of good vs bad events. A positive outcome needs a high positivity ratio (good events >>> bad events). Happy couples have a 5 to 1 ratio. You can apply that to new habits with 4-to-1, 1 failure for 4 wins.

The best way to keep things positive is to avoid negatives. Relationships start with lots of positives, but the honeymoon does not last, negative qualities become magnified, and they rebound between partners. Try to be good enough, get the basics right, put other's flaws in context.

We can learn to control our negative feelings. We are wired to experience fear, panic, pain, because of survival (predators, threats) through our amygdala, basal ganglia. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques can help: talking through the fear, deep breathing, uplifting mantras.

Criticism can be a potent tool when delivered correctly. It can be hard to hear, so you can do like doctors when delivering it. Ask questions like "what do you feel is happening?", "does this information make sense?". Engage the person in the process, have a conversation, give them some control.

People are more motivated by avoiding negative outcomes than getting positive ones. Giving blood: tell people it will prevent deaths. Classroom: give teachers a bonus but tell them you'll take it back if grade don't improve. But certainty of punishment demotivates entirely, don't go too far.

Negativity is contagious. Patients with lots of positive friends, family, recover more quickly. Groups with one emotionally unstable person perform as bad as groups with all unstable. 3 types of bad apples: the jerk (rude), the slacker (avoidant), the downer (gloom). Intervene early, isolate the person.

Good online reviews are essential for businesses. People take negative reviews to be more accurate, credible. So, set realistic expectations, be honest about drawbacks. Follow the Peak-End rule, make the end experience as good as possible, that is what people recall the most. Answer bad reviews with bright, cheery responses.

People are naturally positive, and that’s a good thing. Positive words in 1930s books outnumbered negative by 15 to 1. People prefer the company of positive people (see them as attractive, healthy, generous). We recall positive memories more than negative. Post-Traumatic Growth is more frequent than PTSD.

The world is doing better than you think. We are experiencing the Crisis Crisis: media driven hyperbole. Life expectancy in poor countries has risen by 30 years since 1950. Global poverty rate cut by 2/3. Literacy all-time high. We compare worst aspects of our time with best of the past. Be sceptical of what you see in the media, who benefits from this crisis?

#ABookADay #readingbooks #negativity #positivity

Aware by Daniel Siegel

💡Key takeaway💡

Monks and yogis have know it for a long time, meditation is great for your mind, body and soul. Because it makes your brain and body whole.

💎 Key ideas💎

The health benefits of meditation and mindfulness: increased immune function, increased production of telomerase which repairs chromosomes, slows the aging process. It also improves cholesterol levels, blood pressure, healthier heart. It helps your mind self-regulate, improve problem-solving, makes you more adaptable.

Three pillars of mind-training. 1) Focused attention: ability to maintain concentration, despite noise. 2) Open awareness: receptive to everything going on around you without judging. 3) Intention: cultivating a positive, compassionate attitude toward the world. Use mindful breathing to focus you attention on your breath. Use compassionate meditation for cultivating kind, generous thoughts about others.

Attention can be directed and focused on particular things. Focal awareness: registering objects around you (colors, shape, details). In a usual morning routine, you don't pay attention to much (non-focal), which is OK. But routines make you drift away from the present moment (negative thoughts). Focus on present, positive choices.

Awareness is about being receptive of the world. With your five senses. With your bodily sensations (hunger, scared, etc.). Mental activities (feeling, thinking). Connection to things outside of you. Meditation helps focus on each part at a time, spend 30 minutes going through each aspect.

Compassion is about identifying yourself with another's suffering, asking how you can help, taking steps to relieve the suffering. It's a win-win, the person will feel better, as well as you. Because it integrates your brain, bringing balance. Practicing compassion brings even more of it.

The brain serves the body. The nervous system and the brain are relatively recent on our planet, the body existed before the brain. Our brain extends throughout our body, in our intestine, around the heart, they all developed before the central brain.

Over-thinking might lead you to focus just on yourself, it's all about you. It is natural and hard-wired in us, our brain default network (posterior cingulate cortex) kicking in when we're idle. But then it can go to rumination. That's where meditation comes in, bringing this network with the rest of your body, shifting you back to others.

Addiction is the product of the neural reward system. Pleasure = dopamine kick, which leads to craving. The more you do it, the less intense the reward. So you take more (wine, chocolate, social media). Meditation helps distinguish between wants and needs, gives you a more realistic view of the world.

#ABookADay #readingbooks #meditation #mindfulness #awareness

How Children Succeed by Paul Tough

💡Key takeaway💡

Kids succeed through their parents attention and nurturing, helping them build key elements of character.

💎 Key ideas💎

How to measure Childhood's happiness? Using the Adverse Childhood Experience test, it measures traumatic events experienced (abuse, neglect, addiction. High ACE scores correlate with behavioral and health issues (delinquency, bullying, attention problems, drugs, heart disease).

When we encounter stress, the HPA axis releases hormones which brings stress reactions (gut churning, fast hear rate, clammy hands), useful for survival in the wild. But today we have long term stressors, instead of short, which creates chronic stress in children wearing down the prefrontal cortex (self-regulation). Leading to high risk behaviors in adolescents.

Studies how that a mother can alleviate stress factors for a child by being attentive and nurturing. It creates a secure attachment, serving as a safe base for the child to explore the world. Making them more intrepid, self-reliant, higher chance of academic success, have more friends. Parent-child therapy can help create this.

Cognitive hypothesis: skills in math, word/pattern recognition determine a child success, therefore giving plenty of cognitive stimulation. But non-cognitive skills play a large role: optimism, conscientiousness, perseverance, discipline, curiosity, self-control.

Perseverance/grit is a predictor of success. Conscientiousness (try one's best, thorough)also leads to future financial success, productivity. Self-discipline, delaying gratification is also a predictor of higher SAT scores, fewer health problems, fewer financial problems.

Character can be taught. The psychologist Martin Seligman created a list of 7 character strengths with practical benefits for students. KIPP academy used message saturation of those strengths, constantly messaging them, reinforcing them. Which has led to improved graduation rates.

Children of affluent families have different issues: performance pressure, emotional distance, bringing feelings of shame, hopelessness, leading to substance abuse, anxiety, depression. Or helicopter parenting, over-protecting kids, leaving them with low tolerance for adversity, fear of failure.

Learning to accept mistakes helps develop self-control, cognitive flexibility. Separating mistakes from self is also key. Losing is something you do, not something you are. Pessimistic people explain their mistake by seeing them as Personal, Permanent, Pervasive. Optimists see them as Impersonal, Specific, Short-term.

#ABookADay #readingbooks #education #learning #success #parenting