Can Golden Years be truly Golden?

Janice Culbert is 88.  Her husband passed away a few years ago, and she lives alone in a single-family home.  She takes care of her home, drives her own car, handles her finances, and makes and keeps her doctor’s appointments. Her two children are both older and battling their personal and health challenges. She uses a computer that used to be maintained by her late husband.  After her husband's passing, she learned to manage her email accounts, bank accounts, credit card accounts, investment accounts, etc. She bought herself an iPhone and took a class in a local community to learn how to use the gadget.  She has suffered one minor stroke and struggles to learn and retain new information. Her friends worry about her living on her own.  What if she falls or feels ill and cannot call for help?  Janice does not want to live in a nursing home.  She loves her home and her lifestyle.

Vidya Jayaraman is an 80-year-old Asian Indian woman who moved to the US to live with her daughter after her husband passed away.  She has a green card.  Her daughter, who has a full-time job, takes care of her.  But, sometimes, she has to leave her mom alone when she travels for work.  Her mom does not drive.  She speaks English haltingly and would have trouble calling for help. She is also at risk for falls.  Vidya’s daughter considered placing her mom in a nursing home.  But, the idea was quickly scuttled.  Vidya’s mom would be miserable living in a nursing home in a foreign land surrounded by people who do not understand her.  She would miss talking in her mother tongue and eating south Indian food. She would miss her daughter and her grandkids most of all. Vidya’s daughter could quit her job.  But this would mean putting an abrupt end to a highly successful and gratifying career. 

Be it, Janice or Vidya, senior care is a real issue that cannot be shoved under the rug.  Many of us may live to an age where we need caregiving.  We try not to think about it, but it simmers in a portion of our minds as we age. We do not want to worry about how we will be cared for in our senior years.  We would want to have loved ones willing to advocate for us.  Many of us have mixed feelings about being in a nursing home.  In the ideal scenario, we would be surrounded by a family one can trust. We all want to live in an environment that feels right - starting from simple things like climate, culture, and company. It would be nice to be financially solvent enough to afford medical care and related expenses such as hired caregivers.  This would ensure that the family is not financially, physically, or mentally burdened. No parent wants their kid to sacrifice their careers and dreams because of caregiving responsibilities.

We are a long way from accomplishing this pipe dream as a society.  The burden of making this happen falls on able-bodied and able-minded people.  Right from high-level policy decisions to micro-decisions at the family unit level.  So many factors play a role - finance (health insurance, retirement savings, and family wealth), family relations, the flexibility of employers toward caregivers, physical and mental ability of the family to be involved in senior care, availability of affordable professional caregivers, and so on. Many pieces have to fall in place for this to happen. Systems such as Medicare and Hospice help.  But, we are a long way off from having a blueprint that can be relied on as one’s old age plan. 

What is the answer, you may ask?  I wish there were an easy answer.  Step one would be for us to start discussing and planning for our later years.  This would involve talking to family and friends to bounce ideas about what options exist.  We will have to take stock of our finances to see if they will allow us to live in our homes with hired help or move to a nursing home.  Children of seniors could consider adding guest houses (ADUs) in their backyards to make it possible for their parents to live closer with a certain degree of independence. Communities could support seniors by providing regular checks on them by adult volunteers.  Maybe high school or college students could be employed to help with this.  Technology should be made more accessible to seniors.  Reliable and affordable transportation could make it possible for seniors to give up driving for their safety.  Mobile medical units could provide routine services such as basic lab work and basic health checks. Seniors have a lot to offer in terms of experience and wisdom. Maybe we could find a way to harness all of that potential for the good of society. They could, at the least, help to rear their grandchildren. Multi-generational families could pose new challenges (family relationships can be complex) but also provide benefits from humans not living in age-based silos. State and federal governments could be lobbied to pass legislation that makes healthcare free for all seniors.  Ideally, it should be free for all.  But could we at least start with seniors?  

As I type all of the above, I still feel like I am naively writing the first chapter of fiction describing a highly unlikely utopia.  But, big changes have begun as dreams.  Maybe, if we all put our minds to this and work on building solutions, we will one day get there.