"Can I Have It All?" – A Journey of Imperfection, Resilience, and Growth

"Can I have it all?" It’s a question I’ve often asked myself as I balance the demands of a fulfilling but challenging career, the joys and trials of raising twins with autism, and my own journey as a neurodivergent woman in an imperfect world. Life has given me challenges that sometimes feel like paradoxes, but through them, I’ve learned to redefine what “having it all” truly means.

Building My Path in the Tech World: ASUS to Microsoft

My career journey has been a series of incredible highs and learning moments. At ASUS, I spent nearly 12 years pushing boundaries, starting as a Business Development Manager and eventually becoming the Country Business Leader for ASUS in Indonesia. When I began, ASUS had only a 1% market share in Indonesia, and by the time I moved on, that figure had grown to an astounding 51%. This wasn’t just a corporate success—it was a testament to the power of hard work, commitment, and strategic growth. I learned how to create opportunities where none seemed to exist, a lesson that would serve me time and time again.

The next chapter of my career unfolded at Microsoft, where I ventured into new territories, pushing boundaries that were both exhilarating and challenging. Leading the SMB segment become as significant as Enterprise business and pioneering the Cloud subscription business in Indonesia, I was on a mission to fuel innovation and amplify our impact in the market. My journey at Microsoft wasn’t just about meeting targets—it was about helping our partners to grow the business, transforming them, unlocking their potential and forging strategic alliances that reshaped possibilities for companies across ASEAN. These accomplishments, marked by significant business growth and transformative partnerships, taught me profound lessons in resilience, sharp strategic insight, and the power of collaboration.

Each role, from ASUS to Microsoft, was a milestone, but the perfectionist in me felt like I had to give more at every step. I thought that to achieve true success, I had to be impeccable in every aspect. But life has its way of teaching humility, and I found myself learning that perfection is not the end goal.

Embracing the Role of "Supermom" to Allen and Darren

If my career was a test of resilience and vision, motherhood became my most personal and profound lesson in empathy, patience, and unconditional love. My twin sons, Allen and Darren, are both on the autism spectrum, and raising them has been a journey that has enriched my life and tested my strength in ways I never anticipated. When I first received their diagnosis, I faced an overwhelming blend of emotions—from worry to hope, and an intense desire to be the best possible mother for them. Raising twins is never easy, but raising twins with unique needs requires a kind of dedication that I had to learn along the way.

Each of their achievements, no matter how small, feels like a celebration. It’s been a journey of discovery for all three of us. Allen and Darren have taught me that perfection is not about ticking boxes or reaching milestones on a set timeline; it’s about showing up, advocating, and creating a world where they can thrive. For them, I’ve learned to stand strong as an advocate for autism awareness and disability rights, currently leading the ASEAN Disability ERG in Microsoft, and working tirelessly to raise awareness and open doors for others like them.

Every mother wants to be perfect, but Allen and Darren have taught me that showing up, consistently and lovingly, is what they need most. Some days are exhausting, and there are times I feel like I’m juggling too much. But it’s in these moments that I’ve discovered the strength and resilience I didn’t know I had. They inspire me to be a better person, to lead with empathy, and to approach every challenge as a chance to learn.

Embracing Imperfection as a Neurodivergent Woman

My journey with Asperger’s has been another element of my life that has shaped both my personal and professional identity. As a neurodivergent woman, I’ve had to navigate challenges that sometimes make the path harder but also give me a unique perspective and an intense focus. There were times when I felt my differences deeply feeling I had to work harder to be understood or to achieve the success I sought. But over the years, I’ve come to see these differences as my strength.

Living with Asperger’s has taught me the value of authenticity and of building a supportive community. My natural tendency for focus and passion has driven much of my success, but it’s also shown me that resilience isn’t about being flawless—it’s about being true to who I am. This has been my greatest lesson in pursuing a career, raising my twins, and living my truth.

Learning to Let Go of Perfection

For much of my life, I tried to do everything perfectly. I thought that was the only way to balance an intense career, my role as a mother, and my journey with Asperger’s. But striving for perfection often left me feeling exhausted and disconnected from the things that mattered most. It has taken years, but I’ve come to understand that perfection is neither achievable nor desirable. Today, I focus on being “good enough”—being present for my children, pushing my career forward with purpose, and finding joy in the messy, beautiful process.

One of the quotes I hold close is, “When there is no door for us, let’s build our own doors.” This has been my guiding principle when things got tough—when I had to 'prove' myself in the industries, advocate for my sons, or push through obstacles as a neurodivergent leader. I believe in forging paths that don’t exist yet and redefining what it means to be successful, both for myself and for those around me.

Redefining "Having It All"

Today, I understand that “having it all” doesn’t mean perfection in every area of my life. It means embracing my journey with all its challenges, growing through each experience, and celebrating small victories along the way. I am proud of my career at ASUS and Microsoft, the incredible people I’ve worked with, and the impact we’ve made. I am even prouder of my journey as a mother to Allen and Darren, advocating for their rights and creating a world where they can be understood and loved for who they are.

I have learned to find strength in vulnerability, value in imperfection, and purpose in every challenge. “Having it all” is not about balancing a perfect life but about building one that feels meaningful, authentic, and fulfilling. I continue to strive for growth, to advocate for change, and to find joy in every step of this imperfect journey.

So, can I have it all? Perhaps not in the traditional sense, but I’ve found that what I do have is more than enough. And for me, that is everything.