Cancelling Cancelling

Welcome back to the LIFT by Body Talk newsletter, where you can learn how to achieve your goals by LIFTing others. 

Here you will gain insights and top tips from another new project: the LIFT podcast! Leadership is not about power or status, but about serving and transforming how people feel or perform. My guests will help show you how to achieve this as easily as possible. 

“Cancelled” may have been the most used word in 2020. We had to cancel so many events, vacations, and plans. Today we’re also familiar with the idea of cancelling people. 

I’m not just referring to the ‘cancel culture’ of shunning celebrities. On social media there are many influencers and self-help teachers who will tell you to ‘cancel your friends and family’ if they have negative or draining behaviours.

Making people the subject of a word that is meant to apply to concerts or magazine subscriptions is dehumanising. ‘Cancelling’ someone lacks compassion and understanding, while having an air of superiority. These are not qualities we aspire to. So my question is:

What do we hope to accomplish by cancelling others?

Of course, if someone is intentionally causing harm, distancing yourself from that person is a good idea. It is also valuable to have consequences that deter certain actions.

But in many instances, what we consider to be negative behaviour can come from a person experiencing emotions that don’t feel good — grief, anger, sadness, depression, to name a few. These are perfectly normal parts of the human experience, on our paths to emotional healing and self-awareness. 

When we experience these emotions we may seem like a drain to those around us. Doctors refer to people like this as ‘heart-sink’ patients. And yet they continue to serve these people, knowing that a few minutes of listening and empathising can lift that person’s heart for the day. 

If you follow the current trendy advice to cut out everyone that you have a negative interaction with, one day when you’re unhappy and needing comfort and advice, you’re going to realise you are on a very lonely island. Instead consider, how would you like to be treated when you are having a hard time, going through a painful journey, or after you do something you regret?

Seeing yourself in other people can be the first step towards a more compassionate culture.

So let’s consider this:

What could you be doing for negative people in your life? 

If you notice someone’s behaviour spiralling downwards, you could shame them and cut them out of your life. OR you could see the best version of them, even when they can’t see it for themselves. It’s been a tough couple of years. They may be reckoning with something that no one else can see. 

When you show someone that you believe in them, that might be exactly what they need to pull themselves out of their negative spiral. If people are behaving in a manner that is unkind, show them that you see their heart. Accountability and consequences are important, and so is the opportunity for forgiveness and redemption. 

Think of the people who have pulled you through tough times, who stuck by you when things were hard. They were not distracted by your negative emotions or current behaviour. They saw your greatness and helped you find the way back.

Your challenge for the week:

See what happens if, rather than making a negative assumption about someone who is exhibiting negative behaviour, you choose to see their greatness? What happens if you provide encouragement? Or tell them you believe in them? 

If we shy away from conflict, we’re not doing anyone any favours. All parties will remain dissatisfied, or worse, explode. Instead we need to lean in to those challenging conversations, stay connected and increase our understanding of each other.

Let’s embrace open dialogue as an opportunity for greater understanding, community, and a positive LIFT mindset.

Want to learn more?

Check out Jennifer Bartram’s Body Talk article, Dealing with Objections.

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