Centering Connection During COVID

Being in relationship and community with others is foundational to being human. But what happens when the ability to connect with others as we always have is unsafe?

And how can we be in relationship with others during a time where this has to look different?

Let’s talk about it.

Connecting used to be as easy as grabbing lunch around the corner from the office or going to a sporting event with some friends. Now, connecting has to be different for the safety and wellbeing of not only ourselves, but also society at large. And this is having a dire effect across the country. According to the CDC, 40% of U.S. adults reported struggling with mental health or substance use during COVID-19. While this is really an amalgamation of several causes, the lack of human connection is undoubtedly one of them. 

Whether personally or professionally, navigating this new digital space is challenging. For instance, with co-workers, we don’t have the ability to be in an office. I can’t walk past the water cooler and stumble into a conversation. I can’t walk to someone’s desk to ask them a question. I’ve found that I lose a huge level of connectedness at work.

Even at home, I feel this. You would think that with family it would be easier to get face-to-face time in. Well, you thought wrong. While my wife and I both work from home—we’re on Zoom calls from 9am - 5pm, and my wife has many evening meetings as well. Then, by the time we’re off of our screens we’re hit with Zoom fatigue and not fully present to have our regular conversations. If we have busy workdays, it can be so hard to get a moment to talk to each other and make time for meaningful connections.

Being in relationships with others is crucial to maximizing your potential. I’ve believed this for years, and I love being surrounded by people who are driven and trying to improve the world around us. This left me thinking about how I could bridge the gap between staying connected and staying safe. In full transparency, I am still navigating this. It will probably be a continual calibration as we tough out COVID-19 and the need for social distancing. With that being said, I want to share a few tips that have helped me thus far in the hopes that they can help you too.

Be intentional

Connecting is hard right now. Like the red pill/blue pill Matrix hard. But, as with the Matrix, we still have a choice. You’re probably tired of me saying it, but it’s true! Choosing to be intentional about connection has helped me in my personal and professional life. My wife and I have been scheduling time on each other’s calendars to have lunch. It may seem odd, but it’s 30 minutes, a few times a week, where we know we’ll have the opportunity to spend time together without distractions. As work seeps into the home, it’s really helped us stay connected and grounded in our relationship.

Quality over quantity 

The invention of phones and screens has been great in allowing us to connect across space and time. However, it can inhibit our ability to be present. Picture this. You’re in a room with your family and your kids are headfirst into their phones. You’re watching TV and your partner is on their laptop. #QuarantineLiving

It happens to the best of us. Sometimes we’ll be “spending time together,” but we’re not actually engaged in the moment with each other. People put a focus on how much time they’re spending together, but if they’re not present or engaging, what does it matter? Instead of all of this mindless time spent together—make it count. 15 minutes together, turned-on and tuned-in, is more impactful than 2 hours unengaged.

Professional Online Community 

My video series has actually shown me the importance of online communities. I was able to connect with new peers as my videos reached them and deepen the relationships I currently have. While we can’t be in person, we can be online. And it’s less pressure now because all you need is a zoom link and a t-shirt. You and a group of colleagues could get together once a month for an hour to talk about industry trends or how your companies are adjusting during COVID. My point here is that there is still space to build meaningful professional relationships and prioritize this connection even when it’s difficult. 

As you think about the holidays, and gratitude, and light—remember that your presence is a present. Likewise, the presence of others is a gift too. Although it feels impossible to connect with our communities, peers, and friends safely—it’s not. It just has to look different. While the lack of connection we’re experiencing is having a devastating impact on all of us, we can still choose to care for one another, engage compassionately, and create connection as we head into 2021.