I’m Complaining About Complaining

We’ve all been in situations where we’ve been dissatisfied.

Oftentimes when we are dissatisfied, it feels natural to complain. It’s even easier when we are around friends or peers who are already making a fuss. However, while it may feel better at the moment, in the long run, complaining doesn’t help anyone. It won’t make the situation better, it doesn’t inspire those around us, and it will not help us grow.

The title of this article may seem counterintuitive, complaining about complaining, but I am doing so in order to propose some tangible alternatives to the bad habit or practice of complaining. 

Walk my Talk

I didn’t always think this way. To be honest, when I first started working in sales, I complained a lot. You may be wondering what caused me to change my mind. Oddly enough, it was the result of a promotion at work to Sales Manager, and my own social and emotional intelligence training.

Around 2000, I got promoted to be a sales manager. In this new role, I had the responsibility of supporting and coaching people who used to be my peers. When I would notice them complaining, I would call them out. I would encourage them to stop complaining and work to be a part of the solution, not the problem. It was less about showing them that they were wrong and more about encouraging them to practice habits that were more beneficial to their progress (and more beneficial to me as their manager). 

One of my work friends at the time called ME out and said, “Why are you telling me to stop complaining? You used to do the same thing.”

If an emoji could sum up how I felt at that moment it would be this one: 🙃

 He was right. This friend and I started working at the company at the same time and we were both serial complainers. This moment was a huge wake-up call for me. If I wanted my coworkers to respect me and my leadership, I had to walk my talk.

Shifting my Perspective

At this time, I was doing growth work with the Wright Foundation. 

This was a catalyst that got me to stop complaining about my life and start authoring it.

It’s important to name that there is a yearning and a desire underlying every complaint. Maybe the processes at your company aren’t scalable as you grow or you’re experiencing difficulties with one of your clients. Issues will arise and bad things will happen in life. 

In business, as much as we try to be proactive, there will always be times when we will be reactive. However, we always have a choice in how we choose to react.

I believe that when we complain, we are actually using our energy to keep things the same. We’re not solving the problem, we’re simply underlining and actually reinforcing it. My experiences with The Wright Foundation have taught me that if I wanted to author my life, then I have to take responsibility for it, right here and now. One big perspective shift that I had as I began my social and emotional intelligence growth work was: if you want to know what you intend in your life, just look around. Your current life is the sum of your intentions...no one else's. 

Whether conscious or subconscious, we all have beliefs that influence what happens around us. Words carry power and energy, so when we only focus on the negative, we are manifesting more of it in our lives. Complaining has a way of creating self-fulfilling prophecies. 

If you keep saying, “I hate this job,” you’ll probably keep hating your job.

Inserting Change Into The Narrative

So how do you get rid of the complaining bug?

You have to insert intention and change into the narrative. Instead of saying, “I hate this job,” try examining what about the job you dislike. What qualities, systems, or processes are preventing you from maximizing your potential and being satisfied?

Next, find solutions. I guarantee you that it’ll probably make you hate your job a little less. And you will be taking ownership and trying to change something. If it doesn’t work, then try something else, or maybe the issue is deeper. You may be doing work that’s out of alignment with your purpose. Still, when you focus on solutions, you focus on bettering yourself and authoring the life you want to live.

If after these two steps you still find yourself wanting to complain… give yourself permission and space to complain and be a victim. But establish a limit. I was at a Salesforce event and heard Tony Robbins speak. During the event, he said, “I know if I look at my phone right now, I can promise you that I will be upset. I'll look and find an email that will distract me and make me angry.” To combat this, he initiated a rule where he allowed himself to be upset for 5 minutes. Then, he stops and decides what he is going to do about it.

The Bottom Line

You have a choice. You can shift from reactive to proactive. The change you seek in your life is at the tip of your fingers AND the tip of your tongue. Our thoughts fuel our reality. When we are in a space of constant griping, we are choosing to stay stuck and not change. 

But be gentle with yourself. Don’t beat yourself up. We all go through phases where we don’t want to change, and we just want to be in our victimhood. But we have to be honest about this and understand that it will ultimately hold us back. We feel, we process, we express, and we keep going.

The bottom line is that in order to take charge of our lives, we first have to stop complaining.