College Students (And Their Parents) and Mental Health

For many students, college life is a blissful state of intellectual growth, social relationships, and recreation. But, although life may be good for some, it may not be all roses and chocolate.

The truth is, the college years are times of great stress and strain for most students. Earlier this year, based on data from over 67,000 undergraduates, researchers reported: “College students face unprecedented levels of distress that affect their mental health” (Liu, Stevens, Wong, Yasui, & Chen, 2019). They detailed the stresses, noting that depression, anxiety, suicide, and other mental health problems are on the rise among college students. 

There are growing numbers of students coming onto campuses who are already being treated for mental illness, or who are on various medications and who have learned to manage their illnesses at home, but suddenly they're on their own and sometimes they're not following through with their own recommended treatments.

Culture has changed in the last 30, 40 years, and these students are growing up in the post-9/11 era, in that they've been exposed to a lot of trauma, both in the media and also in their lives. Being in this 24/7 news cycle as well as the Internet itself, has really created a different childhood.

Some very smart kids, have destructive perfectionism; they cannot tolerate not excelling at everything. And no one typically excels at everything. We all have times when we make mistakes or fail. And kids often don't have as much practice at that today, because they're protected from having those experiences, and also it freaks their parents out, which makes then the kids feel more responsible.

Many students have been over-parented and also over-prepared, in terms of taking tons of AP classes and really packing their CVs with all kinds of activities. And it's a concern that there is not enough downtime ... to do things that are not going to necessarily always result in a grade or in someone noticing them.

Most kids are still really happy to leave home. They want to be in the life of the pseudo-adult. But what they're unprepared for are the "expectable challenges" that college poses — in terms of the requirement for more independence, more ownership of your hours, whether it's sleep, saying no to partying, managing yourself, basically.

There's no question people are academically prepared. They're learning an incredible amount nowadays in school. They're learning amazing kinds of things, and the Internet has opened up knowledge that was never as available. But it's also created distractions and a lot of pressure socially and, more importantly, when people get to college, maybe not enough time has been spent in high school — both in the curricular side and with the family — in what is called social-emotional readiness, or maturity.

There are some startling surveys that show that among students who experience suicidal ideation, or suicidal thoughts on a regular basis, only about one in four go for help. The other three out of four say things like, "Well, I can handle this myself," or "It's not probably not that bad," or, "I don't have time." And wishing that eventually it'll just go away on its own like a bad cold.

Now, it may be true that for some students, they're able to plow through and avoid disaster. But what often happens is students waiting too long to acknowledge  because they really don't want to have to face having to take care of their mental health. Or even worse, maybe having to leave school because they just can't function. They are so much a part of a community when in college. ... The thought that, "Gee, I can't function anymore and I may need to take a break" — that's a hard pill to swallow, so to speak.

So parents have to adapt to the idea of their child growing up and of letting go. And if they're anxious about it, parents should try to figure out why and to be more mindful about their reactions, and to try to be less reactive and more responsive when things are not going as hoped for.

It's fine if your kid goes off to school and they're successful. Everybody feels good. But what if there's a setback? What if things don't go as planned? How do you prepare yourself for that? By simply reminding yourself that there is no straight line through life. ... Time off may help. Sometimes it's better to just take a step back. Get your game back to where you want it to be. ... Don't be afraid of getting help from mental health professionals.

The institutions our college students are attending often aren’t equipped to meet the mental health demands of students. Amid a historic increase in students seeking counseling services, many people find themselves trapped on extensive waitlists, forced to endure long periods without help as Universities try to meet the needs of an openly struggling college population.

Being forced to wait for mental health care can have devastating consequences. Extended periods without help can allow students’ conditions to worsen as they wait for help. 

Many students express frustration with their on campus counseling centers as a result of the extensive waiting times. A majority said that being told to wait weeks or months after working up the courage to ask for help led them to believe the university either didn’t care about their mental health or, worse, that they didn’t have the resources to help them at all.

Here's some things college students need to know about mental health:

You don’t have to be in a crisis to seek help.

You never have to feel "bad enough" to go to therapy. Even if it seems like you’re just dealing with life’s basic stressors (homesickness, an annoying roommate, an exam grade you’re unhappy with), talking to a professional may help you tackle them more efficiently and prevent a slow buildup of stress that can be much more difficult to conquer on your own down the line. But counseling can also help you manage more serious issues ranging from anxiety and depression, to issues with gender identity and substance abuse, to body image.

No one needs to know that you’re going to therapy.

Some students worry about the cultural stigmas around therapy, but it’s important to not let this worry influence your decision about whether to seek out a therapist. If you feel nervous or embarrassed about your friends or family finding out, remember that therapists are bound by their professional code of ethics to protect your information. You can also inquire about online Tele-Counseling sessions if you feel uncomfortable going to an office. That way, you can have your session in a private, more discreet space, like a dorm room or apartment, if you prefer.

It can feel really empowering to do this one small thing for yourself.

Just taking that first step to make an appointment is actually doing a huge favor for yourself. And you deserve that. Once you take that step, applaud yourself for prioritizing the most important person in your life—which can be incredibly hard to do when you’re in college. 

The Center for Therapy & Counseling Services has two offices located within 5 miles from Rutgers University, New Brunswick campus and from Middlesex Community College. Our therapists have significant experience working with college students. Their diverse backgrounds and specialties help to better meet the needs of a diverse student body.

The Center for Therapy & Counseling Services also offers secure Online Video Therapy for college students. Online video sessions are available from students' laptops, computers, tablets and smartphones. 

Our approach is dynamic and fresh. We do a good deal of therapy with teenagers and young adults and are connected to issues they deal with. 

Through our secure Online Video Therapy services, we are able to see college students from anywhere, including internationally, as long as their permanent residency is somewhere in New Jersey. 

Call the Center for Therapy & Counseling Services today (732) 254-0600 or email us info@centerfortherapy.net to schedule an in-person or online appointment.Mental health is universal. It affects all people, of all ages, of all nationalities, of all socioeconomic situations, of all genders and sexualities. If you have a brain, if you have a mind, mental health affects you. How we think about mental health matters.