Did You Gain Weight After Gaining a Spouse?

Marriage vows are a commitment a couple makes to each other during a wedding ceremony. And while of course couples often do write their own vows, we are all at least familiar with the following:

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded(husband/wife), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

To the man who thought long and hard all those years ago as to whether you were ready to make a lifetime commitment before asking your partner to do the same . . .

To the woman who understood the deep meaning and significance of that proposal and the commitment made when she said yes . . .

To the couple who took those vows to each other seriously . . .

I want to address the ". . . in sickness and in health . . ."  part of those vows.

Your wedding ceremony symbolized not only your love for your partner but a lifelong commitment to work hard every day both individually and as a couple to build upon and strengthen your relationship as well as your love for each other through all its various stages.

Isn't there, then, an inherent responsibility to take care of yourself, to do everything possible to maintain your own good health, not only for the courtship and honeymoon phase, but for the lifetime of the marriage?

Shouldn't you want to be physically actively engaged in your partner's life, hobbies, and passions?

Shouldn't you want to remain physically and intimately attracted to your partner over the decades?

What did ". . . in sickness and health . . ."  mean to you? . . . that it's OK from that day forward to let yourself go, put on a ton of weight over the course of your marriage, and no matter how that excessive weight affects you physically, psychologically, and emotionally you somehow think it won't affect your partner?

It's not only for the mutual physical attraction for the duration of our marriages, but we should also want to take care of ourselves so we can maintain good health for the duration of our marriages. With obesity, comes medical issues. With medical issues, comes limitations . . . and not just for the one who has gained excessive weight.

Do you want to spend time with your spouse doing and experiencing things such as:

• Having the physical stamina and agility required in raising active children together?
• Having no physical limitations in being active grandparents together?
• Aging gracefully, energetically and in good health together to be able to travel, dance, go to concerts, play tennis, walk in museums, etc. . . . doing all the things you did together as a young and newly married couple and, perhaps, taking on new adventures as well?

Or do you want your partner to spend time taking care of you; reminding you which medications to take, how much and when; and transporting you to and from doctors' appointments. Is that what you think he or she envisioned on your wedding day? Did you?

Couples who are married for any duration, who have maintained their weight and are as slim and fit as they were on their wedding day didn't get that way by accident: They worked at it. They did so, and continue to do so, because not only do they take pride in the way they look and have practiced a lifestyle to keep themselves in good shape for themselves, but also because they want to maintain being attractive to their spouse as well as to be actively engaged in their lives for as long as the good Lord will allow.

If you have gained excessive weight over the course of your marriage and your partner has not, what are you telegraphing to them? 

• That you stopped caring about yourself? 
• That you've become complacent about their wants and needs?
• That any limitations you might have should automatically be accepted by them as their limitations as well?
• That if your world got smaller as your body got bigger because you can't or won't participate in the pastimes, activities, and social events that you used to enjoy together, your spouse should forego them and stay home as well?
• That if your obesity prevents the same passion or stamina in intimacy as you both once enjoyed or any intimacy at all your spouse should just accept it, live with it and not look elsewhere?

It doesn't matter how old you are or how long you've been married. If you're overweight or obese, improved energy and feeling of wellness, strengthened immunity, sharpened mental focus and enhanced mobility are just some of the benefits of weight loss, and they are all worth the effort . . . and so is your spouse worth the effort. It's never too late to lose weight and to give yourself the best quality years together of living ahead . . . and there is a difference between living with your spouse vs. existing with your spouse . . . or existing with your spouse while they go on to live life without you.

Ladies and gentlemen, please make no mistake and be under no illusions:

• A . . . sickness or in health . . . issue that comes out of left field, that we can't plan for, predict or prevent is one thing.

• However, sickness and chronic poor health and medical issues that we walk into with our eyes wide open, and that are not only predictable but preventable, are quite another.

If you have gained a lot of weight during your marriage with your eyes wide open, having done nothing to prevent it or doing nothing to turn it around and your partner has not . . . not only are the consequences predictable . . . but they were preventable.

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