The Power of Active Listening and Vulnerability for Men

As men, we sometimes struggle to understand what others are truly saying. Our brains have a tendency to selectively filter out information that doesn't align with our preconceived notions or beliefs, which can lead to misunderstandings and misinterpretations.

Growing up, my mom would often say about me, "it goes in one ear and out the other." And she wasn't wrong. Our subconscious biases often cause us to prioritize defending ourselves over listening to others. We want to be right, we want to be heard, and we want to be validated. But the truth is, sometimes, the most important thing we can do is simply listen.

To become a better listener, I've had to cultivate discipline. Now, I know what you're thinking: "Discipline? That sounds like punishment." But bear with me here. The true meaning of discipline has been distorted over time, causing many of us to view it negatively. The term "discipline" is often associated with punishment and chastisement, creating a fear of deprivation. But the root word of discipline is "disciple," which comes from the Latin word discipulus, meaning "student." By approaching listening with a disciplined mindset, we constantly learn and grow as men, expanding our understanding and connection with others.

Active listening allows us to truly understand the other's perspective. Body language researcher Albert Mehrabian found that communication is more than words. Nonverbal cues make up 55% of communication, with vocal inflection accounting for 38%, while words are only 7%. This means that understanding the underlying messages of a conversation requires pushing past our biases and being present in the moment. And let's face it, as men, we're not always great at being present. We've got a lot on our minds: work, sports, beer. But when we take the time to truly listen, we can create meaningful connections and strengthen our relationships.

Internal active listening is a powerful tool that many of us have lost touch with. When we learn to listen to our intuition, we can tap into our inner wisdom and make decisions aligned with our deepest desires and values. One way to access our intuition is by paying attention to our gut. And I don't mean the six-pack abs that some of us have (or used to have - mine was more of a pony keg). Our physical reactions can provide valuable information that our rational minds may miss. Perhaps a situation or decision doesn't feel quite right in our gut, or we feel a sense of excitement and expansion that lets us know we're on the right path.

The ability to listen to our own intuitive and physiological reactions is the first step in becoming an effective leader. When we are in tune with ourselves, we can better understand our strengths and weaknesses, allowing us to lead with greater authenticity and clarity. By acknowledging our feelings and experiences, we can also become more empathetic and understanding leaders. And let's be real, the world could use a little more empathy these days.

Unfortunately, in modern society, those of us with power and influence often disregard intuitive, sensory, and affective capacities in our work. This approach results in a society dominated by pure reason, paranoia, and the potential for self-destruction. And if you watch the news, you know what I'm talking about. As men, we've been conditioned to suppress our emotions, leading to hardened hearts and an inability to express our feelings fully.

Perhaps it's time for you and me to break free from old thinking patterns and embrace the power of active listening, both internally and externally. Recognizing and attending to our deep being and ancestral spiritual masculine legacy can create a harmonious world where compassion and respect are valued. By embracing vulnerability through active listening, we can learn to express our emotions without fear or shame and balance our strength with compassion and respect for ourselves and others.