Elephant in The Brain

“Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us” - Samuel Smiles

A powerful king, ruler of many territories, had a number of learned advisors. He was a wise king, and often put his advisors to the test, so that only the best served him.

One day, he called the advisors to his court and said: “I do not know the cause but I am feeling very confused and am in doubt, but something impels me to seek a certain ring, one that will enable me to stabilize my state. However, there are two conditions.

This ring that I must have should be one which, when I am unhappy, it will make me joyful, and at the same time, if I am happy and look upon it, it must make me sad.”

Saying that, the King ordered the special ring to be shown to him within ten days or else they would lose their esteemed titles and positions.

The advisors scrambled to get to the task and consulted one another, while throwing themselves into deep contemplation. Someone suggested that they go to seek help from the village wise man, but pride got in their way. They started to go to the best jewelers in the village and researched on exquisite rings to bring to their king. Somehow, no matter how beautiful the ring, they could not understand how to implement both conditions of the king. How could a beautiful ring make a king sad or happy at the same time?

Nine days passed with no luck and finally on the last day, one of the advisors who was distraught swallowed his pride and went to the village wise man begging for help. The wise man grinned and handed him a small muslin cloth packet, tied on the top. “Give this to your king today, but only he can open it. Ask him to see the message carved on the ring” The advisor thanked him and ran to the court.

Handing the humble packet to the king, he watched fearfully, as the king suspiciously untied the cloth. He overturned the packet and a rustic cheap looking copper ring came out in his hand. The king did not look amused. “My lord, please read the engraving on the ring”. The king looked at the ring closely and read the inscription. Within seconds his frown turned to a smile and he applauded the advisors, who had no clue as to what was written.

One of the advisors was brave enough to let the King know that it was the ring of the village wise man and they had trouble solving his puzzle. He beckoned the king to let them know what was written on the ring. The King chuckled and said, “I knew you all would fail from the moment I told you the two conditions. Only a person who has patience, courage and knows the temporary nature of things could have solved this instantly.” He showed the engraving of the ring to his advisors.

 It read:

“This Too Shall Pass”

Dark times do not stay forever. What is permanent is our courage to believe that the storm will eventually pass.

Hope

A fundamental aspect of our existence, but one that is not given its due share of respect. I remember growing up I always had a sense of urgency to achieve. And when things would not go “my way”, I would be most upset. My mother would try her best to console me. “Only in the darkness, can you see the moon shine my son. Have a little hope. Being a teen, I would roll my eyes and fall deeper into my lonely pit. At that time, things would seem impossible to change.

Like with all her pearls of wisdom, I would figure it out years down the lane. Having hope in dismal times, no matter how bad, was a wonderful way to see your own hidden talents shine. It is in the dark times that we can see what we are truly all about and what we have not given notice to. It is in our struggles, where we see how much more we can do and who really cares about us. It is where troubled waters flow, that we create bridges to the once impossible. The strength of the human spirit is unbounded and this power comes to light, only in the dark. My mother knew it but needed me to go through it, to truly understand what it meant.

Wise Hope Vitamins

What saddens me is to see our world becoming increasingly ravaged by fear of the unknown and chasing the mirage of instant gratification at the press of a button. Let’s face it. Life is difficult. We don't know if we have job security or if our business is always going to flourish. Reaching our goals is way tougher than it was for our parents. Staying forever young is a dying feat for many. The hopelessness that this brings is hard to get rid of. The stress this worry creates is like a fire burning us from within.

But then again, what kind of certainty are we chasing? Do we know if our next breath is going to come? Do we know if we will wake up tomorrow after deep slumber? Are we grateful that we can see, hear, feel and still keep going despite all the crazy around us? In chasing dreams, we lose our balance of reality. We fail to see the good that already is around us. “Wise hope” is what we need allude to.

Wise hope is born from radical uncertainty and is rooted in the unknown. How will anyone ever know what is going to happen? This is the greatest illusion of all. Wise hope is a gift and a power you have within. It means to take account of all that is really going on, both good and bad, and to open yourself up to uncertainty and to be vulnerable enough to be surprised.

This beautiful emotion, which comes to some more easily than others, has mainly three elements - Strength, resilience and optimism.

-      Strength - That allows you to switch on your personal power.

-      Resilience - You can make a rebound from setbacks.

-      Optimism - Hope for a brighter future.

These are the reverse of worrying, feeling victimized, complaining and pessimism. I call these energy vampires and advise you to stay clear of these within you or others exhibiting such black hole type personas. (Warning: they suck you dry)

If you are strong, resilient and optimistic enough, you can enhance your own self-esteem and raise those of others.

It is believed by positive psychologists, that having hope consists of two essential elements; Agency - Will power and determination and Pathways - Set of strategies to achieve goals

Simply put, hope is the will to get somewhere and includes a set of strategies to get there. Having hope is not really something associated with apathy and passiveness that we usually think it is. It is more focused on action-based will power and incredible strength and patience in better times to come.

In fact, researchers have seen that the role of hope is higher among athletes than others and plays a vital role in academic achievement, beyond IQ, divergent thinking and conscientiousness! Hope affected outcomes beyond training and bolstered self-esteem. Fascinating!

How to try and see the light at the end of the tunnel when things go south? Some things that helped me along the way and still do, is the way I keep adjusting how I look at things.

·       Struggle Now - Reap Rewards later

The struggles you are going through now is helping you to become strong for the future. Take a step back and see how far you have come. There must be other dark times when you thought you can never make it through, and you did. This time is no different. Success teaches you. Failure teaches you. They are one and the same teacher. Do not be grim and keep looking ahead. You will pass this storm and reach the shores. And when you do come out to the other side, you will not be the same person as before. The stronger, courageous and braver you will shine through.

·       Rebellions are built on Hope

Now don't get me wrong here. I am not vouching for you to become a rebel without a cause. Oftentimes I notice that we accept our situation and sort of appear hopeless and hapless. We give away our power of inner strength for free! And there is nothing more hopeless than thinking you are powerless. This is not what hope is about. You accept your situation but keep looking ahead for a brighter future. You rebel within. You empower your personal strength with indomitable will that this too shall pass. Look for your quiet calm within and rebel against idle talk of feeling suppressed, or crushing your own beliefs. Pick up a hobby while you wait for results, instead of being fixated on the outcome. Do whatever is needed to realize your real strength on the core of quiet calm. And whether things go “your way” or not, you must believe that they are going well for you or guiding you to a path you might not have explored. Be open to change and maintain your inner strength. It will guide you to the end.

·       Bend it like Beckham

David Beckham is known for his football strategy of scoring free kicks by curling the ball past a wall of defenders. Life is sort of a smart play like that. If you see the traits of the oldest survivors amongst us, it is not because they were tough hard-bitten people or had amassed luck beyond comprehension. Resilience was the most outstanding trait. The ability to get through hard times by bouncing right back up, instead of feeling defeated. This is not about being ultra-optimistic. It is more about acknowledging all events in life -happiness with the sadness and grief. And then coming back to the normal state of wellbeing. Every turmoil helps bring us back to ground zero and makes us real from within. It cuts through the noise of the fake world and embeds the sense of reality of who and why we are really here. Close your eyes and connect with your resilient strength within. You will get through this. We will get through this together.

·       Sunrise every day. What a treat!

Ever been in the company of happy go lucky people? They have a vibe of being cheerful while facing the constant struggle. And somehow luck favors them and they get through, leaving other pessimistic defeatists far behind. If you really dig deep, our world teaches us to struggle and to live in constant fear of the unknown, reeling you into becoming cynical and downright hopeless. And when you do come across the happier lot (who may be in a worse situation than you are), there is a sense of envy and sarcasm that overtakes us. We might feel they are somewhat foolish even. But is that reality? You must become optimistic. The sun rises every day. The stars shine at night daily. Life takes care of itself and in the grander scheme of things, you have a special place and reason for which you were born. Jobs, relationships, wealth and health are things that come and go. Life is always showing you newer and better opportunities. But if you want to grab it, you must let go of the old. It will bring pain no doubt, but you will embrace the new with a renewed feeling of peace, calm and possibly joy. Life takes care of itself. Life takes care of you. All you need to do is have hope, optimism and faith in yourself. Keep pushing through.

You may have heard of the “elephant in the room”, where no one is willing to acknowledge an issue, but have you heard of the “Elephant in the Brain”? I came across a recent study on human behavior (in the book titled elephant in the brain authored by Kevin Simler and Robert Hanson) known as this very term and was fascinated to see how humans deceive themselves through thought and maybe, hidden motives, some of which they themselves may not be aware of.

J.P Morgan famously said, “A man always has two reasons for doing anything: a good reason and the real reason”.

We, are not only capable of acting on hidden motives – we are designed to do it. Our brains are built to act in our self-interest (meaning selfish) while simultaneously trying hard not to appear selfish in front of other people. And the really interesting bit is this. Our minds work round the clock to keep us in the dark. The less we know of our own ugly motives, the easier it is to hide them from others!

Self-deception is a strategic ploy we have inherently inherited. For example, if you are a general who firmly believes your army can win, even though the odds are against it, you might nevertheless intimidate your opponent into backing down. Or maybe you take expensive healthcare instead of low cost one that might give the same healing effects, just to maintain the “kiss the boo boo” habit that we grew up as children, wanting more social support than actual care.

So next time you think about losing courage when dark times turn up, think of the various hidden motives your brain is dispelling so you do not feel ready to walk on the path of hope. What is the real reason behind your actions?

Some times our own actions aggravate our worry or lessen our happiness. Think about it.

Wisdom teaches us that time cannot be conquered. We are always going to experience pain and pleasure. The real focus should not be about avoiding pain. That is unstoppable. It is the master of all teachers. Your focus should be in finding the timeless within. Your essence. Your soul. That really brings the joy of wading through stormy seas or calm lakes. That stays the same. That is based on hope. Hope for the better. Hope in the unknown. Hope in the impossible.

With that thought I wanted to share an excerpt of a poem by Maya Angelou, ‘Still I Rise’, which famously embodies the resilience that is tied to courage in tough times.

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops,

Weakened by my soulful cries?

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Out of the huts of history’s shame - I rise

Up from a past that’s rooted in pain - I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear - I rise

Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear - I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave

I rise, I rise, I rise.

Hope is a good thing and the world runs on this very light, not now, but since the beginning of time. It is the force that pulls us towards a greater good. It can build bridges between the possible and impossible and break the barriers of our limited thinking and beliefs.

Silence your doubts and believe that no challenge or struggle comes in this world without its own remedy. So, rediscover your hidden self through these dark times and honor your struggle Trust the struggle. Trust the Pain. Trust the discomfort. There is a reason that this storm is here, but like all things, this too shall pass. The sun will shine again. It will be remarkable to see your transformation after the storm clears and the light of hope you held on to, floods into your being. The now braver, wiser and courageous You. It’s time to rise.

Maybe one day, you will thank the deception that started it all in the first place. Your Elephant in the Brain.