Ending the I’m Not Enough Syndrome of Perfectionism
Read Time: 5 Minutes
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Key Highlights:
The theme for this week’s community support is healing our wounds of worthiness to empower the way we work and live
I’m not worthy. I’m not enough.
It’s not something we say about ourselves often, but the inception of that belief at a very young age can dictate a lot of our unhealthy behaviors growing up and into our adulthood.
One behavior that comes up for people is perfectionism, especially coupled for those who are naturally detail-oriented.
Everything has to be right.
Has to be perfect.
Meticulously controlled, anything not exactly to our high expectations is a failure.
We fear not being enough and as a consequence, do too much.
It’s hard to say no even though it’s simple.
And then we lock that all in with an identity we call being a “perfectionist” who struggles with perfectionism.
It’s not a problem until anxiety and harsh criticism take over, and a deep desire for control compulsively drives us by our deep insecurity. It’s an inward version of people pleasing.
As a result, to prove our worth, we eventually become a tyrant when left unchecked, and it manifests our worst fears:
Being alone.
Being unloved.
No matter how many people tell us to relax and take a chill, and even trade our expectations for appreciation
We emotionally unravel, push people away, and burn out.
There are two useful concepts when it comes to our internal programming:
1. Limiting beliefs
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2. Limiting decisions
Limiting beliefs are rules that prevent or stop us from certain outcomes, often linguistically framed as follows:
If then statements and X means Y statements
As an example, if I don’t answer my emails immediately, my {important person or people} will be displeased, or
Losing control means people will get hurt
Now, whether it’s factual or not, the perspective alone for the most part locks us into behaviors of specific outcomes. We further limit ourselves when we decide that the belief is true for ourselves.
That’s a limiting decision.
If you struggle with perfectionism, you can ask yourself the question “Why do you do it?”
With the beliefs that come out, follow up with “When did you decide that?”
It sounds like a silly question because it’s so deeply embedded, but you can actually keep rewinding your memories of when that was not true for you, and the exact moment it first became true to you.
Often it’s a very innocent, yet profound moment.
The most challenging beliefs are identity statements like “I am a perfectionist” because they embody an entire belief system or rule set that validates any and all related behaviors whether it’s of a benefit or a shortcoming.
Just like how we hit the subscribe button on a YouTube channel, our reality will begin to reflect on our “life feed”, the outcomes that conform with our beliefs.
So how do we reprogram our beliefs and system of beliefs so it doesn’t take hold of our behaviors?
Broadly speaking, any technique that sends updated signals to the unconscious mind through a state of trance, changing how we mentally filter the world with our human senses.
In other words, we have to bypass the critical factor that is the reasoning function of the conscious mind and work at the unconscious layer.
These are some examples of processes and techniques:
When we change the unconscious programming to align with our conscious choices, we can begin the healing and integration process.
Release the core belief of “I’m not enough”, and the associated neurological structures that hold the fear, the behaviors, and the identity collapses.
With effective release work, we can regain our agency and flexibility to better influence our lives and not have our circumstances control us.
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