Fill yourself up - by emptying yourself (have a strong why)

have meaning, have a why

"If I die tomorrow, I want to be empty. Knowing that I gave all my love, all my effort. Turned some bad into good, gave some hope to those that needed a hand, made someone smile, and I gave all I had to offer. I want to go with nothing left in the tank." — Russ Damron

Last week, Marla and I attended my last IMA holiday party. Not the kind I was hoping for, or always loved (yes, COVID you did it again), but it made me reflect again on 32 plus years of great memories. I had been struggling with the decision to retire, because I absolutely love what I do. Then I read the quote above from my cuz Russ. That’s it. I am just getting close to empty – in a great way.

I have written about many things in the six years I have written these tips. Mostly on things we deal with, and things I have seen help me, and others, on our journey in life. Mostly "how-to" tips. But it has been why, not how, that has led me to this good feeling of leaving it all out there.

I don’t think I always knew that, but that is what really kept me going all these years. We don’t always love what we do. I didn’t. I didn’t necessarily love being a producer. I didn’t feel it always aligned with who I was, or what I wanted to accomplish. But it did allow me to accomplish my whys, and fulfill my purpose.

Some say I found my purpose being a coach. What I realize – coaching is just a vehicle – my purpose is to encourage people. Don’t confuse what you do with having no purpose. What you do may just be a vehicle. Maybe not the one you dream about or really want right now, but maybe it is allowing you to get what you need right now.

“Purpose is about who you are, not what you do. Work doesn’t give you purpose. You give purpose to work. Don’t wait for purpose to find you. Bring it through the door with you.” — Dan Rockwell

When I ask most people why they are working, the answer is, “to make money.” I get it. It has been for me most of my life too. But what is it you want that money to do for you? What is the underlying why? Knowing that has been the big driver, the consistent motivator, and mostly the real impact on me feeling I am making progress in life.

Looking back, my first why was just to survive – to pay the rent, buy food, and have a little fun. It then changed from being a provider for my family to being able to have some freedom to go to all my kids’ activities to taking my family on a vacation each year to being able to retire early so I could do what I do now.

Along the way, I worked hard and kept reminding myself, if I can get good at this stage, it can help get to the next one, and eventually where I really want to be.

Then, in my 50s a friend gave me a book called Halftime. It was a game changer because it became clear – I was having success in what I did, but I was missing something. That something was significance. I wanted to make a difference, not just for my why, but for others whys. I recognized what really made me tick – to encourage and help others achieve what they wanted.

Now, I didn’t just all of a sudden change and try to start encouraging people. I realize I did that most of my life. That helped me in everything I did all those years prior. Now it was just being more intentional in how I used it.

“Don’t wait for the opportunity to be there on a silver plate –

create it, make it happen.”  — Jay Shetty

My point. Don’t wait until you’re in your 50s. You can create meaning now. If you are in your 50s or beyond, the next best time to start is now. We (we meaning me too) often say, “I will … when …”. Don’t wait.

We think we have to be extraordinary to do something that makes a difference. Trust me, I am as ordinary as it gets. I have no extraordinary talent. I just have a strong enough why, to go all in and all out with what I have to give.

Make the time to think about why you are working. Keep asking why until you get to the real reason. Use that to create meaning and see meaning in what you do every day. Does it mean you will never have a bad day? No. But I believe it will allow you to experience more good days, and more days feeling you accomplished something good for you and your family.

Take the time to look inside. Get to know you and what drives you. Realize you are enough and significant enough to provide significance. Ask yourself what difference you want to make in the world. Who do you want to impact and how? What is your giftedness that you can use to make that happen?

I love the movie "Me, You and Dupree." There was a guy named Carl, and he found his Carlness (his giftedness). I am blessed I stumbled into my Bradness. It has left me almost (still a number of months left in me) empty. An emptiness still full of satisfaction, and fulfillment. Thank you for allowing me to empty my tank here.

Realize your …ness! You don’t need to find it – it is there. Using it each day, emptying your tank, can help provide a feeling you are fighting for good. That you are making the world around you even a small fraction better than what it was when you woke that day.

Have a blessed and wonderful rest of the year. Enjoy the holiday season with those you want to empty your heart and soul for.

"You only have what you give. It’s by spending yourself that you become rich." Isabel Allende