From Survival Mode to Thriving: Redefining Success and Reconnecting with Our True Selves

Turning Matches into Humans

In a world driven by relentless competition and the pursuit of an often unattainable "American Dream," many live in a constant state of survival. This lifestyle, characterized by an unyielding pressure to "make it," leads to burnout, shame, guilt, and a sense of invisibility. The societal expectation of achieving success, defined by external factors and imposed standardized, uniform milestones—often related to material achievement and societal recognition based on rigid and outdated models—creates an impossible reality. This pressure often convinces individuals that giving up (stopping, changing directions, etc.) is not an option, leading some to believe that not succeeding at "something" is akin to not being worth living at all. The consequences are dire, contributing to a rise in mental health issues and % of suicides among the spectrum of ages (as many young adults follow their parent's footprints).

The Illusion of the "Alpha Male" Model of Success

The dominant narrative of success often revolves around an idealized "alpha male" model everybody needs to follow (women included; leading them to a higher % of burnouts (46%) than men (37%). It is a model that prioritizes competitiveness and material accumulation and perpetuates a narrow definition of success, fostering a toxic culture where individuals feel they must constantly compete (get to the "next level") "to succeed". This endless competition results in chronic dissatisfaction, anxiety, and stress until the person burns out, as people strive to meet unrealistic expectations.

Redefining Success

To move beyond this harmful cycle, we must redefine success. True success should encompass a balanced, holistic approach that includes emotional well-being, meaningful relationships, and personal fulfillment. It's time to value healthier models of leadership—ones that prioritize empathy, collaboration, and resilience over dominance and aggression.

Success should not be a singular pursuit of wealth or status but a journey toward personal and collective well-being.

Relearning How to Love: From the Head to the Heart

To create a healthier society, we also need to relearn how to love and be loved. This requires a shift from an intellectualized approach to relationships—"loving with our heads, for the person 's material achievement and societal recognition"—to a more genuine, heartfelt connection—"loving with our hearts."

Now to make this shift, we need to start by reconnecting with our emotional selves first, as our feelings are deeply intertwined with our relationships with others, but start in ourselves.

The Body-Mind Connection

Our bodies are not just vessels for our minds; they are integral to our overall well-being. The concept that "the body keeps the score" (a reference to the book by Bessel van der Kolk) highlights how our bodies store experiences and emotions.

Understanding and mastering our physical selves is crucial for creativity and innovation.

In therapy, non-verbal communication and body language are key indicators of a patient's emotional state. But this is something we can all learn to scan. By paying attention to our bodies, we can, not only better understand our emotions and enhance our overall well-being but also connect and understand others.

Embracing a Holistic Approach to Success

To foster a truly fulfilling life, we must acknowledge the importance of our entire selves—mind, body, and spirit. Success is not solely a mental endeavor; it requires a well-nourished body and a connected heart. Just as an engine needs wheels, oil, and a pilot, we need a harmonious integration of all our aspects to function optimally. Otherwise, we risk burning out, much like an engine that runs without proper maintenance.

A Call to Action

It's time to transform our concept of success. We need to create a society that values holistic well-being over mere achievement. By reconnecting with our bodies, understanding our emotions, and embracing a balanced approach to life, we can redefine success in a way that promotes true fulfillment and well-being.

Let us strive for a world where success is not measured by competition and material wealth but by the quality of our relationships, our emotional health, and our sense of purpose.

Karina Lagarrigue

www.expatworldpsychologist.com

PS: If you are a leader, manager, or someone passionate about fostering positive change, I invite you to contact me to learn more about innovative leadership training programs. Together, we will explore these transformative concepts and develop the skills needed to lead with empathy, authenticity, and a holistic mindset.