How To Bounce Back and Stay Positive When Tragedy Strikes

As I write this, I want to preface that I am no stranger to tragedy. And I’ve recently experienced the unexpected news we all never want to hear. Sure, my tragedies are my own, and some of them are shared with my family, and they are relative in comparison to all others, but they’re mine/ours. And maybe that’s the point…not to compare the tragic circumstances we all encounter, but to understand that all one has to do is barely scratch the surface of the life of another person and you will find that they are dealing with their own sets of challenges, illnesses, suffering, and personal horror. 

There is an element of self-imposed tragedy and suffering in life and addressing what to do about that is another post for another time. But to a large extent, the randomness of tragedy and suffering is an equalizer of life. Unfortunately, tragedy touches us all at some point in our lives. Ultimately, we are all going to face awful hardships that will leave us feeling resentful, cynical, and bitter. And it's quite possible that we don’t look at them hard enough or let them run their course because if we did, we’d eventually discover that there's more to us than the horrors we’ve experienced. 

And that is why we love hero movies and stories so much…it’s the same story. However, in our moments of trial, it may feel like nothing can lift our spirits and pick us up, but as time goes on, there are certain coping mechanisms we can adopt to move forward.

Moving on is a critical step because if you don't accept what has happened, you may be holding onto the grief forever.

The Stages of Grief

It doesn't matter what tragedy has happened in our lives, grief tends to follow a certain sequence of stages. While we may not experience all stages, we'll likely experience a few of them.

When we allow these stages to run their course, we'll be able to go on with our lives:

1.    Denial. In the initial shock of a tragedy, our first reaction might be to deny that it even happened. At the time it may be the best way for our bodies to avoid the pain. Depending on what happened, this stage can last from moments to weeks. However, staying at this stage is detrimental since we’ve never really faced or accepted what has happened.

2.    Guilt. Guilt is usually a part of grief whether or not we even have a reason to feel guilty. When we look into a situation after it occurred, it's easy to point out the things we "should have done." Take the time to feel the pain if you have to, but make sure you strive beyond this stage as well.

3.    Anger. It probably won't be long before anger sets in. We've realized that we have no control and there is nothing we can do to repair the tragic situation. It's important to feel our anger, but at the same time, we mustn't allow ourselves to be controlled by it. We don't want to cause lasting damage to ourselves or someone else.

4.    Depression. This stage will often last a long time. While we might not feel like talking with friends, it's an important thing to do when we're feeling depressed. We may discover a lot of things about ourselves during this self-reflective time, which is why it's an important part of the grieving process, although we mustn't dwell on our own worries or anxieties.

5.    When Things Get Better. We'll soon notice that our lives and outlook gradually improve. We may not be back to ourselves quite yet, but we start to feel better. It's important to keep our lines of communication open and remember that our loved ones want us to have a long, happy, and healthy life.

6.    Acceptance. This is the last stage. This is where we have truly accepted what has passed and we now feel hope for the future. Although things may have changed, our lives are feeling back to normal otherwise.

When You Feel Stuck

It's common to feel stuck in a certain stage of grief. This is especially true when it comes to depression. The best thing we can do is to keep trying, keep testing new coping methods, and keep striving to move forward.

If you feel like things are taking longer than they should or that you can’t do it on your own, you always have the option of seeking professional help. Grief counselors are able to help you with your unique situation and may have some simple strategies to help you move forward. 

And remember, there is more to us than there is to the horror of life. The possibility that's within us that can take action to move forward – however small – to stare back into the eyes of tragedy, give it space, and set things right if you are willing to set them right and build your life back is more powerful than all of the potential suffering in life combined.