How Is Building A Relationship In Our DNA?
As a life coach, more often than not, I find many of my one to one social liaisons with friends or acquaintances veer to dating discussions (read that as dating coaching conversations or seeking dating advice from a life coach). Either how to attract 'Mr or Miss Right', or that someone is unhappy in a relationship (where the chemistry has started to waver), which is subsequently having a negative impact on other areas of his or her life, and he or she want my opinion on what to do (note: as a life coach, I don't tell anyone what to do - which can be a big frustration to friends).
The principles of attracting 'Mr or Miss Right' I'll leave for another article. It's the second one that I find intriguing and the one that can create a fair bit of turmoil. What may have started out as a light-hearted conversation, can so easily end up with the other person in a negative emotional state.
People often read quotes like the following:
"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." - Jim Rohn
"You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others." - Dr Phil
With the thinking being, that to better themselves in areas of their lives they need to rid themselves of that 'bad' relationship and focus solely on themselves. And because I'm a life coach, they want me to validate their decision. Which isn't going to happen! Fortunately, life is not so straight forward. Because if it was, there wouldn't be successful relationships, marriages or business partnerships.
With our digital 'always on' world where we are being bombarded by positivity messages and affirmations about self-love and looking after 'number one', I believe people are mistakenly getting validation for the 'easy out'. Relationships are not easy – they take hard work to succeed.
"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other." - Walter Elliot
Yes, it's important to ensure you look after yourself and to be in a position of strength. But being in this position of strength should be about helping others that may not be as strong as you.
One thing I always do with people when they're about to take the decision to end a relationship is to take them back to the time they first met. To try and remember the qualities that they both had in each other that first lead to that attraction. Reminding them that relationships aren't about achieving an end goal, but rather the accomplishment of successes along life's journey.
"Coming together is a beginning; keeping together is progress; working together is success." - Henry Ford
For anyone going through a difficult period, I always like to describe relationships like the double helix of a strand of DNA.
Taking the 2 strands of the DNA backbone as the two individuals, where they originally intersect is akin to when a relationship with 2 individuals starts. As the relationship moves along, one or both of the partners grow and start moving apart (much like the helix). The connecting lines (the nucleotide base pairs) are the experiences they each share. The strength of these are what draw the individuals back together again, and so the cycle repeats. Growth and the coming back together. Much like heating DNA can weaken the bonds between the nucleotide base pairs leading to separation of the strand, heated arguments can drive relationships apart. So it's important to keep your cool and keep those bonds strong. It's all about the growth of the individual within the relationship, but also the support required from each other and the coming back together with the strongly shared experiences.
Simplistic I know, but who can argue with nature.
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." - Mignon McLaughlin
The quote is apt not only for a marriage but the beginnings of relationships also. If you are struggling in a relationship, think about it in this way or as a DNA strand to see if it can help. Else reach out to me to see if coaching could help you in any way.
Dr Rakish Rana is an executive life coach specialising in working with successful and determined people, who are unhappy or dissatisfied with their lives, to help them find direction, happiness, and purpose.
Nonclinical SME (LO to EOP1) - Creatively Prosecuting Science. Funder/Board Member/Entrepreneur/Mentor/Corporate Strategy and Escape Velocity Calculations Scilosopher at large - Pick a topic Opinions are mine alone.
7yGreat insight and a fantastic analogy.
Independent Chief People Officer | Strategic HR for scaling | Executive Coach | HR influencer
7yI think this is a great article. I'd say relationships is a key theme for many of the people I coach. Their personal one and/or forming key trusting relationships in the workspace. I do see people expecting 'perfection' and the opposite of having to work at it. A feeling that if it is right it should be easy regardless of the behaviours of the frustrated individual. The enlightened are able to recognise that relationships need constant evaluation and review. And are prepared to put the time in to do so. I learn a lot from the people I work with.
Founder Silva Legal Services. Medical Lawyer. Emeritus Senior Litigator of APIL. Medical records pagination. 30 years of experience within the Medico-Legal Sector. 4th Degree Black Belt Taekwon-Do
7yVery interesting!!!
💗🌸💕Relationship Expert / Helping Successful, Single Women Attract Their Ideal Partner Through Intuitive Guidance & Empowered Relationship Coaching 💗
7yEach of us is a vibrating energy, much like a magnet. Therefore, our "magnetism" attracts a similar energy to ourselves. Every relationship creates psychic, emotional mental and physical imprints. These imprints create new beliefs and support those that we brought into this lifetime with our karmic history. Our imprints are very active, creating energetic messages that we send out to others, which act as magnets to attract corresponding energies that make them true. So an imprint of unworthiness will attract someone who will make us feel unworthy. Maybe you are looking for someone to take care of you? You will attract someone who will not be able to or who is unwilling to do that. In fact, they will want you to take care of them. Maybe you are looking for someone to fill your need for love and attention? The partners you attract will be as unloving to you as you feel about yourself. To change the pattern, you have to change the imprints and their message. As you do, so you become. Every action that you perform is recorded in you, the soul. These imprints ultimately mould your character and destiny. When you understand this principle, you will pay more attention to bringing your best to everything you do.