How to deal with departure guilt

When I left Myanmar following the 1 February military, I felt guilty.

Guilty for many things, but it came down to the fact that I had the opportunity to leave. An option that not many Myanmar people have.

I called Myanmar my home. I made local friends. As an international development professional, I immersed myself in its culture and people. I took on work that I felt mattered and impacted.

In the weeks following the military coup, I had lots of conversations with other foreign nationals. All of them were in a place to decide whether to stay or leave. They were weighing off the options for them, their families, and its implications for their work in the country and their local colleagues.

And for all of them, the feeling of guilt kept coming up.

Over the last weeks, these discussions have come back to me. I see what is happening in Afghanistan and Haiti – to name a few of the places. And I can only think of the many colleagues in the humanitarian field, the international development field, journalists (..) who might also deal with the feeling of guilt.

As a coach, I help clients work through situations like this and constructively find a way to move forward. In my case, I had to confront that uncomfortable feeling that comes with my privilege: the privilege that I can choose to leave when the situation, security et al. demands it.

I want to offer the thought process I went through for myself with the hope it might support you in dealing with that guilt.

Step 1: Ask yourself: How does feeling guilty help you or help those you leave behind?

If we are honest with ourselves, that feeling stops us in our tracks. It freezes us into .. often doing nothing.

Step 2: Choose a more constructive emotion instead.

Here are some to start with: feeling supportive, connected, informed, helpful, needed ..

Once you have chosen an alternative to stay in the feeling of guilt, you can do something about it.

Step 3: How do you want to embody this new feeling in your day-to-day?

What do you want to do with your unique skills that could be helpful in this situation?

In my case, I decided I want to feel connected, informed and supportive. And that meant:

• Volunteering my coaching skills to help humanitarian workers/volunteers on the front line stay resilient.
• Staying informed on what is happening in Myanmar; telling others; sharing stories and analysis; keeping the conversation alive.
• Donating o charities that have a direct impact on the local community they operate in.
• Planning to go back.  

It is very much an ongoing process. I still deal with my emotions following my (temporary) departure from Myanmar and the situation I see unfolding inside the country.

We need to acknowledge that we are humans, after all. We care.

If you can relate, I would love to hear from you on how you dealt with it and what supported you.

P.S: I feel the need to say this, so my post is not misinterpreted: This is in no way a political post. I do not relieve any (political) actors of their responsibilities involved in any of their actions.