How lazy grammar can be deeply offensive

Maybe it’s because they resemble a heavy object, which, if cast from wrought iron one could use for bludgeoning purposes, or it could be because in works of fiction they usually accompany verbal or physical violence. Perhaps it’s the ambiguous meaning and down-right lazy writing that grinds my gears. Either way, I can’t help it. I find exclamation marks deeply offensive.

If a client makes a request accompanied by an exclamation mark, I interpret that as “Do this or else”. Am I right to feel this way? Have our online communication skills deteriorated to such a point that we are going around yelling at each other through the vacuum of cyberspace?

Perhaps, the offenders, who are almost always under the age of 30, are just trying to use punctuation creatively. However, I don’t buy this. English is a very expressive language, and there’s no shortage of words to express the full spectrum of human emotion.

Is it me? Am I negatively framing the exclamation mark because I’ve read too many trashy airport thrillers? Perhaps there are anthropological or evolutionary explanations? Did our ancestors scrawl exclamation marks on cave walls as a way of expressing dissatisfaction with one another?

One can’t deny that there’s something aggressive about an exclamation mark, akin to an extended middle finger. Sending three exclamation marks in a row, well that’s like rolling down your car window and flipping off the whole street.

So why are all the young people doing it? Is it something to do with Tic Toc or neck nominations or fentanyl or whatever the latest social media craze happens to be? Maybe I’m just too old to get the whole hashtag-exclamation mark trend, and I need to relax, do some fentanyl, neck a bottle of WKD blue and post the video to Snap Chat?

Or, is it because the youth of today at their trendy start-ups with ping-pong tables and hammocks and fentanyl booths are reinventing the use of grammar? Who needs a comma when you can use an exclamation mark? Who needs to use an apostrophe to indicate possession when it’s easier to upload a selfie of your client and their new Escooter? Maybe words are obsolete now.

Is there a correct way to use an exclamation mark? Well, that’s debatable. The exclamation mark is supposed to express strong feelings such as joy, anger, or frustration. However, there’s no way of knowing which feeling the exclamation marker is trying to convey.

In my humble opinion, if you as a writer rely on exclamation marks to articulate emotional extremes, then perhaps it is time to re-appraise your writing skills. I’m no poet laureate but if I can get through this rant without resorting to an exclamation mark then surely communications professionals can express themselves via email without resorting to these highly offensive symbols. The clue is in your job title.

Here is my closing statement.

Using an exclamation mark is the literary equivalent of raising your voice or shouting. If shouting is your go-to way of getting your point across at home or in your office, well, that’s your prerogative. Your home is your castle and if you want to wander around butt naked yelling at your house plants go right ahead. Equally, if you enjoy yelling at your staff and your staff are too strung out on fentanyl to yell back then that’s their problem.

However, if you hire talent from outside of your company, and if your company is anything like the one described here you probably will need to outsource quite often; don’t go using exclamation marks in your communications. You will only offend your contractors, and they will be left thinking that everyone in your company is as inconsiderate and rude as you are.

Thanks for reading.