Parents do hold unconditional love for their kid. No matter how grown up their kids will be - they do feel like a small baby is still roaming around them. The times has changed and so has the parenting style, but one question that one as a parent constantly thinks about is “Am I a perfect parent”? Honestly there is nothing called perfect parenting. Your parenting has to be right. Being a parent, even you are on a journey of growth and learning. You also learn a lot of things from situations, time, and even from your little one. But when you are evaluating what right is, do ask yourself the below questions.
- Do you feel bad and embarrassed when you see your child failing? : No, no, don’t let the comparison take the lead here. If you feel embarrassed when your kid fails, you need to learn one important lesson here. Failing is a much needed disappointment that one definitely needs in their life so that they can understand what are the opportunities lying in front of them. So if your kid fails the next time, don’t you revise your deck of lectures. Rather head straight to them and make them feel that failing for times is natural and needed so that they can pick themselves up again and try hitting the same road with a different approach and with more power. Please do keep in mind that you are shaping your little one and not making your own status symbol out there in the society. Their mental and personal development is much more important than the fame and status you are seeking, catering your kid as the asset you own. Neah, neah!
- Do you want them to always follow your instructions? I met plenty of the parents and they have one constant complaint from their kid, i.e. they don’t listen to us. Let me ask you a question, have you ever tried finding out, why don’t they listen to you. Even if you want them to follow a certain pattern for a particular task, why do they do so? Have you ever tried making them understand the reasoning behind suggesting things to them? Being a parent doesn’t mean that your kid will follow the guidebook you are asking them to do. They need evidence and experiences so that they could place psychological trust in you. Pre-teens are very curious and they want to try different things in different ways. Let them try those, let them figure out their own ways. When they run to you or share their experience, listen to them and tell your own experience and then brief them about how you figured out that this way will work the best in this situation.
- Do you compare your kid with someone else's? The world is growing faster than we could even imagine. People are getting multi-skilled and we, being parents, want our kids to turn out as multi-talented hence many times we end up pushing them harder than required and comparing them with our peer’s kids. We keep on continuously nagging our kid to learn from how the other kids are doing in their lives thinking this would increase their drive and motivation. But the truth is, it leaves a negative impact on our child’s mindset and they end up feeling demoted. This may also lead to a distant behavior from you. So next time when you try to motivate your pretween make sure you don’t end up making comparisons. Rather help them to understand themselves better.
- Are your kids afraid of you? We often get confused between fear and respect. And why do you need to create a fear inside your kid for yourself? If you are doing it, you are ruining your relationship with your preteen. We think that by scolding them or even raising a hand on them will make them realize that the undertaken action is wrong. No, Kids will not stop doing the thing which made you scold them, rather they will hide things, emotions and incidents from you - which they should not be doing ideally. So try having a friendly relationship with them with a gist of respect. Remember respect comes up when you are their role model and to be a role model, you require a lot of empathy, patience, listening skills and you have to be your kid's best friend.
- Can your kid talk to you about anything? Communication is the basic foundation of good parenting. If your kid does tell you all of the things that’s happening in their lives. Be it about their English teacher, or about a tale from their school assembly, might be something from their basketball ground or a girl they like, this means you have a great connection and congratulations on building such a lovely and friendly setup with your kid. If your kid is telling you all about their lives, their ups and down that means they count you in. They trust you and they want you to be their no matter what. In most of the cases parents fail to reach this healthy bond because parents start interrogating the moment their kid has something to tell them. Just understand that you don’t need to blame or suspect their behavior every time. Your kid just is not to be seen but they want to get hard as well. So practice active listening well and develop having fun ways to teach your kid life lessons and good values.
- Do you listen and acknowledge your kid? Your kid just is not to be seen but they want to get hard as well. Okay, kids are curious and they do ask a lot of questions, instead of getting irritated and ignoring them, try having an empathetic communication and just know how they would know about all of it that they are asking unless you are able to answer those appropriately. Also, there are times when you don’t have to even come up with something wise. If you just say,”I understand” or “I am so sorry” or “No matter what, I am there for you”, it is sufficient for them. But do you honestly listen to their kid? If you don’t, please do. These little things only can make your kid emotionally intelligent. So handle it with care.
- Do you have reminders, calendar and to-do’s at home? If you are helping your kid in shaping their habits right, have you made reminders and to-do your buddy yet? Again, kids have so much in their mind, they often forget about the things they have to do or a habit they are learning. Having a correct measure is way better than having bitter discussion on what has not been followed. A reminder will surely help you and your kid to stay glued to the thing which was planned to get implemented. Plus there will be no space to play this blame game.
- Do you have a healthy lifestyle? We know what it takes for you to make your little one gulp the glass of milk. But we are what we eat. A healthy lifestyle is really important and once a healthy routine becomes a lifestyle, you are already ahead of the game. But these healthy actions do take consistency, discipline and dedication to become a lifestyle. If you as a parent have a diet chart of what your little one should be eating and you take care about their water intake, sleeping routine and the workout session then you are really doing great. Keep this moving and see your champ becoming more fitter.
- Are the chores divided at home? Okay while we talk about you being a good parent, we have brought this pointer not just to keep your schedule a little easier but also to make the children self-sufficient by learning the household chores. As this is the very basic life lesson that every parent should be teaching their kid about, irrespective of the gender. Household chores teaches a preteen about the organization's skills, responsibilities and team work. Eliminate the mindset that your kid is not meant to do these household chores. These are the basics that every human should have good hands on.
- Do you sprinkle love, patience, happiness and confidence around your kid? Again parenting is not about being a police. Right parenting is all about understanding your kid, listening to them, empathizing in their situation, loving them anyways, accepting their flaws and working on your kid and your relationship together. Don’t forget it’s a team game and one cannot function well without their companion. If you always speak with kindness, confidence, respect and love, they are already in love with you. Love is the easiest language that anyone can understand. Also if you are happy most of the time the positive aura inside you also sparks your kid’s eye and they always feel good around you. And when they feel good around you, they would of course like to spend maximum time with you making the bond deeper. So make sure when you walk to your kid today you have love, happiness, kindness, care, patience and empathy along with you.
We wish you a very happy parenting!
