Humans and Horses: Resolving Conflict through Shared Power and Understanding

Imagine standing in a field, trying to coax a horse into action. The horse stands still, unimpressed by your commands, choosing instead to graze. No matter how much you insist, the horse remains indifferent. Only when the horse feels a sense of trust and respect will it move. Horses, like humans, will not do anything they do not want to do, especially when conflict is involved. This behavior reveals an essential lesson about conflict resolution: the key is often in sharing power rather than forcing control.

In horse herds, leadership is based on trust, respect, and collaboration, not dominance. The lead horse ensures the group's well-being by guiding with calm confidence, communicating non-verbally, and holding each member accountable for their role and responsibilities. This dynamic mirrors how conflict resolution can be successfully managed in the workplace, through sharing power, fostering communication, and maintaining accountability.

The Origins of Mr. Ed: A Lesson in Communication and Trust

Before we dive into the principles of conflict resolution, it is worth reflecting on how Mr. Ed became one of the most beloved television shows of its time. The show aired in the early 1960s and featured a talking horse named Mr. Ed, played by Bamboo Harvester. The magic behind Mr. Ed's communication came from his trainer, Les Hilton, who developed a technique to prompt the horse's lip movements on cue, allowing Mr. Ed to "speak."

Hilton used a piece of nylon thread to create subtle signals that encouraged Bamboo Harvester to move his lips in sync with dialogue. Over time, this training evolved into a seamless communication tool between horse and trainer.

Mr. Ed's performances won him four PATSY Awards (Performing Animal Top Star of the Year) in a row, showcasing how clear communication and mutual trust can lead to success—even between a human and a horse.

This communication breakthrough between Hilton and Bamboo Harvester provides an important lesson for conflict resolution in the workplace: effective communication builds trust, which is foundational in resolving misunderstandings and disputes. Just as Les Hilton figured out how to connect with Mr. Ed, leaders and teams need to establish clear communication to navigate conflict effectively.

Conflict in Mr. Ed: The Psychoanalysis Episode

One episode of Mr. Ed, "Ed the Psychoanalyst" (Season 4, Episode 15), offers a humorous take on conflict. In the episode, Wilbur, Mr. Ed's owner, finds himself in a tense situation with a psychoanalyst in his effort to help his horse overcome the fear of heights. As the story unfolds, on an experiential journey to support Mr. Ed in becoming comfortable with heights, a misunderstanding and conflict escalate. Mr. Ed, as usual, steps in to manipulate the situation and ease the tension between the two parties. Only after this does Mr. Ed decide to conquer his fear, look down, and from the top of a mountain, view the San Fernando Valley. (You can watch this episode on YouTube.)

Though played for laughs, this episode shows how conflict can escalate when power dynamics are imbalanced, and one side refuses to acknowledge the other's perspective. The resolution comes when power is shared. Mr. Ed helps the man ready to fight to see the bigger picture, resolves the misunderstanding, and finally decides to work on his fear of heights. This mirrors how shared power and accountability can be the keys to resolving conflicts in the workplace.

The Five Conflict Styles: Formal Theory

Conflict can be managed in different ways depending on the personalities involved and the context. In the 1970s, Kenneth Thomas and Ralph Kilmann developed the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI), which identified five conflict resolution styles: competing, collaborating, compromising, avoiding, and accommodating. Each style reflects a different approach to balancing assertiveness and cooperativeness in resolving conflict.

Competing

• Assertiveness: High
• Cooperativeness: Low
• Pros: Useful when quick, decisive action is needed, especially in emergencies.
• Cons: Can create resentment if used excessively and may damage relationships by prioritizing winning over cooperation.

Collaborating

• Assertiveness: High
• Cooperativeness: High
• Pros: Collaboration encourages a win-win solution where both parties feel satisfied. Addressing the root of the conflict builds stronger, long-term relationships.
• Cons: Time-consuming and requires high emotional intelligence, active listening, and communication skills.

Compromising

• Assertiveness: Moderate
• Cooperativeness: Moderate
• Pros: Allows both parties to reach a middle ground, often faster than collaboration, and ensures some degree of satisfaction for both sides.
• Cons: It may lead to inadequate outcomes, where neither party is fully satisfied, and deeper issues may still need to be resolved. 

Avoiding

• Assertiveness: Low
• Cooperativeness: Low
• Pros: It is useful when the conflict is trivial or when emotions are too high to address the issue productively in the moment.
• Cons: Issues remain unresolved, often leading to resentment or miscommunication that can escalate in the future. Avoidance perpetuates problems rather than solving them.

Accommodating

• Assertiveness: Low
• Cooperativeness: High
• Pros: Helps maintain harmony in the short term by allowing one party to yield to the other's preferences.
• Cons: If one party constantly accommodates the other's needs, this can lead to an imbalance in relationships, potentially creating long-term dissatisfaction.

Avoiding Conflict: A Common, But Problematic Approach

Research shows that up to 85% of adults avoid conflict at work, staying silent rather than confronting issues head-on. While avoiding conflict may feel like a peaceful solution in the moment, it often perpetuates underlying issues. Unresolved conflicts can build over time, leading to more significant misunderstandings, broken relationships, and a toxic work environment.

In diverse and inclusive workplaces, conflict avoidance can be particularly harmful. By avoiding difficult conversations, organizations risk allowing biases, inequities, or discriminatory behaviors to persist unchecked. Addressing these conflicts directly, with a focus on fairness and accountability, is essential for creating a work environment that values diversity, equity, inclusion, belonging, and justice (DEIBJ).

Conflict Resolution and DEIBJ: Building Fair and Inclusive Solutions

Resolving conflicts through the lens of DEIBJ means ensuring that all voices are heard and respected, and that the resolution process is fair and just. Conflict is inevitable in diverse teams, where individuals bring different perspectives, cultural backgrounds, and experiences. Effective conflict resolution that centers on DEIBJ involves:

• Diversity: Valuing and incorporating diverse perspectives into the conflict resolution process.
• Equity: Ensuring that all individuals involved in the conflict are treated fairly and that the process is free from bias.
• Inclusion: Encouraging everyone affected by the conflict to contribute to finding a resolution, ensuring that no one feels left out or overlooked.
• Belonging: Creating a safe space where all team members feel valued, respected, and comfortable expressing their concerns.
• Justice: Taking steps to correct any inequities or systemic issues that may have contributed to the conflict, ensuring accountability and fairness in outcomes.

When conflicts are approached through these principles, the solutions resolve the immediate issue and build a stronger, more inclusive workplace culture.

Accountability: The Key to Conflict Resolution Success

Accountability is the foundation of any successful conflict resolution process. Without accountability, conflicts may escalate or remain unresolved, leading to dissatisfaction and fractured relationships. Just as the lead horse in a herd maintains harmony by holding other members accountable for their roles, leaders and team members must take responsibility for their actions during conflict.

Accountability in conflict resolution means:

• Owning your role in the conflict and acknowledging how your actions or decisions contributed to the issue.
• Committing to a fair resolution and being transparent about the steps you will take to resolve the conflict.
• Ensuring follow-through and holding yourself and others accountable for adhering to the agreed-upon resolution.

Accountability fosters trust and transparency, encouraging a culture where conflicts can be addressed openly and resolved fairly.

Seven Tips for Better Conflict Resolution

To effectively resolve conflicts in the workplace—especially in environments that prioritize DEIBJ—consider these practical tips:

1. Share Power: Like horses in a herd, distribute power in a way that builds trust and respect. Avoid trying to dominate the conversation or force solutions.
2. Foster Open Communication: Create a safe space for all parties to express their perspectives. Active listening and empathy are essential for finding common ground.
3. Promote Accountability: Ensure everyone involved in the conflict takes responsibility for their role and commits to a fair and transparent resolution to enhance productivity and accountability.
4. Understand Conflict Styles: Recognize the five conflict styles and understand when each one is most appropriate based on the situation.
5. Prioritize DEIBJ: Ensure that diverse perspectives are heard and that the resolution process is fair, inclusive, and free from bias.
6. Encourage Collaboration: When possible, involve all parties in finding a solution that works for everyone, emphasizing the value of cooperation and shared responsibility.
7. Support Mental Wellness and Self-Care: Acknowledge the emotional toll conflicts can take and encourage practices that support mental well-being and work-life harmony.

Conclusion

Conflict is a natural part of human interaction, but how we resolve it determines whether we achieve success. Whether it is horses in a herd or team members in a workplace, sharing power, fostering open communication, and promoting accountability are the keys to resolving conflict effectively. When we approach conflict resolution with fairness, respect, and a focus on DEIBJ, we create a work environment where every team member feels valued and included.

By understanding and applying the five conflict styles and approaching conflict with a mindset of empathy and shared power, we can turn moments of tension into opportunities for team growth and productivity. Just as Mr. Ed could only be guided with trust and respect, resolving conflicts in the workplace requires us to build trust, listen actively, and engage in honest dialogue.

In a world where diverse perspectives are more prevalent than ever, conflict is not something to fear but rather an invitation to understand others more deeply and to create a more harmonious and inclusive environment. When we take responsibility for our roles and responsibilities, value the voices around us, and commit to finding equitable solutions, we not only resolve the conflict at hand but also build stronger, more cohesive teams for the future.

After all, like the lead horse in the herd or Mr. Ed overcoming his fear of heights, authentic leadership in conflict resolution comes not from control, but from understanding, collaboration, and shared accountability.

About Deborah Stallings, MA, SHRM-SCP; HR, DEI, and Workplace Expert

Deborah Stallings is the visionary founder of HR Anew, a WBENC nationally certified minority woman-owned small business (WOSB) committed to transforming workplaces into inclusive environments where businesses succeed and team members thrive. With over thirty years of experience, her expertise spans strategic HR management, recruitment and hiring, DEIBJ, and workplace education and training.

If you are ready to transform your workplace culture, contact Deborah at CEO@hranew.com to schedule an exploration discussion and begin your journey toward a more joyful, harmonious, accountable, productive, and inclusive workplace. 

About HR Anew

At HR Anew, we collaborate with organizations to optimize their HR operations and tackle complex challenges through strategic advice and practical solutions. Our commitment extends beyond compliance to cultivating workplaces where diversity and inclusion are not just goals but realities. To learn more about how HR Anew can assist your organization, visit our website or contact us directly at CEO@hranew.com for personalized strategic guidance and support.

Join us for a unique and interactive experience: Humans and Horses: Resolving Conflict through Shared Power and Understanding! Contact us at CEO@hranew.com to book this workshop for your leaders and teams!