The irony of loneliness

Google "loneliness 2023" and you'll find 100 articles like this talking about the rise of loneliness in society. When you think about just how many feel or experience loneliness at some point, isn't it kind of ironic that we're just sitting there by ourselves, wishing we had someone else to take the loneliness away?

What I find interesting is the taboo or shame that comes with saying you're lonely when there's so many reasons and factors that loneliness enters our lives. Here's a couple of examples:

Changing roles

I've this this happen a lot and happened to me in my early 20s. You get a job where there's a big social aspect, especially on a Friday night and that group can become your dominant social circle without even realising.

Friday beers are impromptu, everyone that we can see in this room now, let's go together to that pub across the road. It's easy to favour this over making plans with your other friends, getting them all to agree on a time and place ain't easy.

So you leave that company and all of a sudden, you've lost the most frequent social group that you didn't realise had become your #1.

You move

People move all the time, it could be as big as a move across the world for a job opportunity or as small as the other side of Sydney. But where all those good intentions to catch up regularly or make the trips to see each other are promised, life gets in the way.

If you move from say the Northern Beaches of Sydney to Parramatta, you may as well move interstate. Especially as the Northern Beaches locals only travel across the spit bridge in case of emergencies.

Partners of people that move for jobs are one of the most commonly and heavily affected but never spoken about group. Yes you've moved together but your partner is forming that social dynamic with their new colleagues. Maybe you're still looking for a job or taking care of the kids while they work, you can feel like a real outsider when you do get the occasional call up to their Friday knock off drinks.

You have kids

Unless you have unlimited budgets for babysitters or nannies, or two sets of (willing) grandparents or siblings happy to look after your kids, they can be a real downer on your social life.

If you have kids at the same time as your friends, it can solidify that social dynamic but your options are now limited to afternoons in parks as long as your kids nap times are in sync.

But be the first ones to have kids in your group and you might find that all of a sudden you didn't get the text for the last minute gig tickets because they thought you wouldn't be able to make it.

You break up

Anyone who has been part of a breakup where the social circles were one will know this. It's not just the possessions that get divvied up during the divorce, it's the friends.

Who was friends with who first? Who are better friends now? Who wants to be friends now in the hope of becoming your new partner or at least a drunken rebound? It's complex but not unusual for someone to come out of this totally isolated.

Making friends as an adult is hard

I'll admit this isn't one of my key strengths in life. I find the whole notion of meeting someone and taking that meeting to another meeting and then more regular meetings almost odd, like how do people do this?

Of course, things like sporting teams, hobbies and even your professional network can become friends but some of us just aren't great at "converting" those interactions into friendships.

Social media

Most of the time you can divide people on social media into two categories; creators and consumers. Being such a heavy influence on society today, its no wonder many feel this disconnect.

One group is making the content for the other to consume but where is the connection in the middle? Where's the reciprocation beyond the likes? It's created a huge void that we didn't have 10-20 years ago and I'm not sure we've adapted to it well.

I just think that as a society, it should be totally normal for someone to put their hand up and say "hey I could do with a new friend or two, anyone else on the market for one?"