JANUARY 2024 - REVIEW

Looking back I realise losing my voice at a time where I needed it the most is a very common occurrence when experiencing hardship. The last quarter of 2023 was particularly hard for my family and me. And just because it's a new year, doesn't mean things are magically resolved or anything is particularly better, it's just like most things, with the passing of time acceptance is somehow easier.

And with acceptance there's a certain amount of space re-gifted in my thoughts for things like, 'who do I want to be' 'what do I want to do' and where the fuck am I going?

When deciding where to go with this episode I deliberated over sharing stories with you that would help paint the picture of how I got here. But I wondered, what's the value for you, the listener - if there are any listeners of course!

(Disclaimer - this was meant to be my Podcast but I recorded it wrong and never re-recorded it, story of my life.)

So instead to help us both, I want to talk about the short lessons I've learnt in the small days of 2024.

For sometime I've been without peers in my world of business. I have Chris my ever doting husband, who happens to be an incredible coach and I am forever grateful for his advice and support when I'm faced with the onslaught of challenges that come with running a business.

I've had to make some big and some ugly decisions recently, that have all attacked my confidence in how I run our business. I discontinued our long standing product range that we've been making for over 30 years - it was a awkward as fuck situation, the thing we've been shouting about for years is now suddenly not good enough and obviously that's not the case, it's the build up of many many things, mostly to do with the direction the market was taking us.

The Summer House, traditional in form but outdated in specification, no longer served us and if we didn't stop it, it would kill us. Now, it might be confusing as to why this is so important but I think if I explain, financially the Summer Houses typically equated to 80% of our revenue, then maybe that might help.

It was a big fucking deal. And with that came consequences, structural changes. I had to review what was working and what wasn't, in terms of profitability, which cost one of our most talented joiners their job. As a family business, it was gutting.

There's nothing more than I hate than the absolute bullshit that is HR. I've had a couple of spells of it in 2023 and each time I'm always left feeling like, "Is this meant to be better than just fucking saying it" what's wrong with us as humans?

Anyway.

I do have peership that is actually more than just me and Chris in our echo chamber of "how amazing we both are and I'll fight anyone who says any different..."

And thankfully I mustered enough brain power to organise a January getaway with some of the best people I know in business. It starts with a group of women who share the first night before the others arrive and we get a bit of time to ourselves to talk about our lives, our aspirations our fears and our confidence killing procrastinations.

Gender segrigation is a bit of a weird thing to talk about nowadays, but I do know, when it's just us, we are freer, louder and more present with each other, just for specific topics... You know, topics that we need specific 'witch only' advice on.

Into the next day and it's the old gang back together again, some of us have been together since 2015 which is insane now that I realise, instantly I'm already organising the 10th anniversary party... And some are here for the very first time.

It's a cult okay, I said it a cult.

And really, since there's no business bringing us together anymore, it really is a cult. We all do this off our own back. We dedicate the day to planning our year and setting goals. We help each other with our visions and get clear on what actually important. Some are in leadership, some run their own thing but we all want the same thing, to be happy.

The strength of human connection, in whatever form your able to get it, has the power to catapult you into motivation. And on reflection, I see my own dedication to respect myself and the work I do, this power has lifted me up.

Over the past two weeks I've done some of my best work, honestly I said to Kieran yesterday, I don't think I've worked like this for years, my level of productivity is off the scale!! And that's thanks to the time spent with good people, reaffirming my decision to return to Sales and Marketing. 

I've listened to my team, specifically Nic my Sales and Marketing Director, I've put my bulldoser to one side and I've let her lead me as I step back in to marketing. I'm contributing collectively with her team instead of 'doing it all myself' I'm asking for help, I'm delegating I'm letting others fucking win!

I'm preparing to handover Operations next week and be dedicated to Nic for the better of the company.I'm scared, I'm worried what it means for the people I'm handing over to and the shitshow that they'll have to deal with - Operations is such a complex beast that relies heavily on my intuition, I'll want to save them, I'll need to restrain myself on the daily, but ultimately, things this year HAVE to change.

As my health deteriorates my priorities become clearer. I suffer from Ulcerative Colitis and with that a bunch of other stuff because of it. It's debilitating and so fucking frustrating. 

Mentally I had to do a lot of work on myself the past couple of years and the journey continues, the self respect is slowly building.

Hard for a mum to say, hard to know when the way you've been raised is to be told you're capable, more capable than most, you're independent and strong, you're job is to protect and serve. When you should of been looking after yourself all along.

At home, I'm apprehensive about my marriage and the deep connection I have with my husband being under threat. I've promised to give Chris a year, where he sees other people... No joking, I've promised to give Chris a year where he can pursue his own career and that means travel. Luna is 6 in March and the two of us knew until she started School there was little either of us could do in terms of big strides. But things are more manageable, we have an amazing support unit around us. Shout out to the Mucha team, but Chris and I we share the same dreams and I worry that if we both try, we'll hinder the other so one must go and the other must stay. And like most situations, the women stays...

BUT that's not who we are and if there ever was the possibility to buck the trend I believe it would be us to do it. So with every negative thought, I tell it to fuck off and do something about it.

Last week that was doing an Open Mic performance at the HotchPotch in Dundee, I did it because whilst away with the others, I put on my goals that I need to perform.

It sets me alive and I want to feel that way.

Alive.