Metaphors are a powerful tool in therapy. With their ability to evoke vivid imagery, metaphors can facilitate better understanding and insight. When one finds just the right shoe, that fits just the right way (see what we did there?) it can really help clients gain perspective, make ideas and concepts feel relatable and facilitate reflection. In today’s newsletter, a therapist on our team, Osheen Shrivastava, shares 4 of her most used and preferred metaphors in therapy.
- The Exam Paper: Every once in a while, I meet a client who has extremely high, almost unrealistic standards for themselves. Nothing but perfection feels good for them and the expectation to attain desired goals is overwhelming. They bring to mind the neighbourhood topper kid– nagging and never happy. Every effort needs to yield the Best Outcome! Pass everything with flying colours! Get an A or go bust! While listening to their exasperated accounts of ‘substandard efforts’ and ‘middling outcomes’, I am reminded of being stuck in a very difficult exam. Except this is not an external exam. Instead, these are individuals testing themselves time and time again. They are their own evaluators and frequently berate themselves over their results (I’ve totally failed!).I have often found it helpful to reflect to clients about how they not only play the defendant, but also the judge, jury and the executioner of their actions. I wonder about the exhaustion from playing multiple roles and always rigging it to make yourself fail. Reflecting on these onerous demands has potential to lead to more realistic evaluations and expectations from oneself. And if we’re being hopeful- some more compassion as well.
- Ash and His Pokemons: When there is a war, the one thing a warrior can depend on is the equipment that they have in their arsenal. Back in the days of yore, these weapons were arrows but I like to think of myself as being a bit more current. So I’ve found myself visualizing the different skills a client wants– assertiveness, time management, boundary setting, conflict resolution, emotional regulation– as Pokemons! You go on a journey to acquire them, you deploy them when you need help in managing situations but you also simply enjoy their company. Like Pokemons, acquiring skills is only half the battle- you need to train with them and develop a relationship. This analogy often helps the client realize that these skills can be acquired or learned over time and that they can be purposely/mindfully used in times of need. I love using this metaphor with children and adolescents. Nothing like a squirtle to blast away at life’s problems.Additionally, with more tools in the arsenal you also notice that you have the power of choice– the choice to call upon different tools (or pokemons) based on your discretion. Gotta catch ‘em all!
- The Snow Globe: Snow globes are charming. I remember when I was younger, I had one with pretty Christmas lights and 2 figurines. You could shake the globe and it would start snowing– it was always winter even in the hottest Indian summer. I did not think much of it then, but now when I randomly pick it up, I’m instantly taken back to my 7 year old self and the carefree days of long summer vacations and sticky sweets. Snow globes in themselves can symbolize a snapshot of a moment frozen in time. Oftentimes when I find clients struggling with acceptance of their past, wanting to rewrite history or difficulty letting go of certain incidents— I like to evoke the imagery of a snow globe. Memories are encased in a protective globe and sometimes when it's touched, the snow stirs and there’s a storm. Like the storm in the globe, uncertainty and anxiety may swirl around these memories. But like any storm, the snow settles into a calm blanket, eventually. Similarly some memories may feel permanent and untouchable, it brings up difficult feelings and there’s a churn. But when you give yourself time, you can work your way back to a state of ut calmness. Acknowledging that there might be no redoing the past can be difficult, but knowing that it can pass and that you’ll be okay? That can be powerful.
- The Wound: Once in a basketball game, what I thought could be an impressive save ended up causing a finger dislocation. My hero moment was well and truly thwarted as I grimaced and snapped the finger back in place. I refused help and decided to tough-girl it out. Bad idea because it still haunts me in the form of an annoying niggle. Often, I draw a parallel between physical injuries and our emotional or psychological wounds. Just like with physical injuries, emotional/psychological pain also requires attention and healing. They can half-heal or be quickly patched up but a full recovery is contingent on how well we tend to it in the first place. If you try to ‘snap back’ and ignore the pain, you could be stuck with a niggle! And hence, I bring my client’s attention to how leaving an emotional wound unattended can cause it to fester and lead to an infection; or can remain an unresolved annoyance. Emotional suppression works only so far. Just like plaster or some physio, emotional pain can be addressed and managed. Therapy, thus, becomes a process of tending to our emotional wounds, cleaning them and then dressing them. It can be painful but this can take us much farther in our personal journeys than good old avoidance. There’s some solace in knowing that the recovery process can take time. Sometimes there can be lasting scars, but one can still live fulfilling lives in spite of it.
