Lessons from the Lost Puppy 🐶

Over the weekend, my gorgeous dog Lyla was due to give birth to her first litter of puppies. We had planned to keep one of the pups and the others were destined to close family and friends. Sadly, things didn’t quite work out to plan.

After two days of labour and six hours of intermittent contractions, it was discovered that Lyla just had one pup. Called single pup syndrome, it was likely that this pup had absorbed the other two pups and become a supersized pup which was almost half her size.

She managed so well throughout the labour without any distress, allowing nature to take its course. The pup, unfortunately, didn’t make it. 😢

During hours of cuddling (actually still cuddling!), there was lots of time to do some reflecting and observing what was to follow.

Informing the kids that there will be no puppies was hard, but they were surprisingly amazing about it. My youngest, who had been very involved throughout, accepted that it was sad, but we had all agreed that the most important thing was that the whelping mum was healthy.🙏

It highlighted to me the incredible power of positive psychology and I was grateful for how it provides a firm foundation in our family, so when adversity strikes we have a process to acknowledge the emotional pathways, accept what comes up and turn the focus towards the good, even when it is really difficult.

Unmet Expectations

🐕 Awaiting the arrival of puppies comes with certain expectations, when the pregnant dog is healthy, happy and has a bulging moving tummy! You get attached to the outcome and almost experience it as a reality. When presented with unmet expectations, you may experience a range of emotional and cognitive responses, including:

Disappointment: Often accompanied by sadness, frustration, or a letdown.

Frustration: Irritation due to the gap between expected and actual outcomes.

Sadness: Feelings of grief, especially if significance is attached.

Surprise/Shock: Particularly if the unmet expectation was unforeseen.

Anger: Arising from perceived unfairness or unrewarded efforts.

Self-Blame: Questioning actions, decisions, or abilities.

Cognitive Dissonance: Prompting reassessment of beliefs.

Regret: About actions contributing to unmet expectations. 💔

💫 I hadn’t fully appreciated though how positive psychology as a regular practice negates many of these responses as it provides:

Emotional Mastery: Recognising that disappointment, anger, and regret are natural responses to unmet expectations.

Cognitive Flexibility: The ability to reappraise and shift perspectives, focusing on silver linings and growth opportunities.

Self-compassion: Where a person practices forgiveness and kindness towards oneself.

Cognitive Resilience: Through applied realistic optimism, balancing hope with acceptance of unpredictability.

Social Support: Having the confidence and language to be able to ask for support from friends, family, or others for perspective, empathy, and in family cases, lots of cuddles!!

The ADHD Conundrum

Where cognition is mildly impaired, such as in cases with #ADHD or some levels of the #ASD scale, the response to a loss of expectations can be hugely accentuated. It seems however that Positive psychology is proving to be an effective practice for both neurotypical and neurodivergent children and adults, so much so that I am exploring focusing my doctorate on learning more.

If anyone reading this is fortunate to be raising ADHD children you may have read them the book, ‘All dogs have ADHD’ by Kathy Hoopman. 📖 We regularly find it fascinating, and sometimes funny, with how accurate the book is at defining some of the adorable traits shared between our kids and the dog. Whilst we obviously haven’t had the dog accessed for ADHD you may be surprised to hear that trouble paying attention, impulsivity, hyperactivity, and excitability, also known as ‘hyperkinetic’ is real in many dogs. 💗

Watching how Lyla coped with going through labour and then being left with no pups, even though her body is instinctively telling her to nurse, mind and protect, appeared though to be polar oppositive of what you might expect from an ADHD dog. Often though humans can be quick to judge and limit the perceived capability through labelling. For example, in the case of ADHD, being unable to remain calm, sit still, or focus on one thing for a sustained period of time.

Having searched for the missing pups, Lyla did yelp for a bit, before responding to plenty of reassurance and cuddles #EmotionalMastery. She then found five stuffed animals and adopted these to satisfy the instinctive urges to nurse #CognitiveFlexibility; settled into a warm safe spot, with her adopted friends and licked herself down, allowing us to hand deliver treats and water on demand #SelfCompassion; and, made sure her adopted friends we well looked after by her, or us, at all times #CognitiveResilience. Lyla was keen to let us know, learn and provide for her during this time #SocialSupport. 🌟

Now, while I can’t take credit for the dog learning positive psychology from me, it made me reflect on how the perceived limitations of ADHD can be overridden by such simple practices. It also brought to my attention the many synergies between positive psychology and the natural animal world. Animals demonstrate great resilience and adaptability, aligning with positive psychology's emphasis on building psychological strength and bouncing back from challenges. ✨

They also always live firmly in the present moment, free from any burden from the past or worries of the future, mirroring positive psychology's focus on mindfulness and present-focused wellbeing. Lastly, animals fully trust, connect, and hand over to nature, offering lessons in acceptance and simplicity, all resonating with positive psychology's principles. 💕

So, while my neurodivergent family and dog may have preferred a different outcome to our weekend expectations, positive psychology has unwittingly enabled us to let go of the upset, blame, sadness and disappointment and embrace the unexpected new reality in slightly adjusted positive terms.

The lost puppy created some unexpected space to connect, learn, and continue to grow together. 🌱 😍