Let's give second chances!

Looking back on my career, I feel fortunate for the second chances I received and frustrated by the ones I was denied. 

Last week, I mentioned how Belgian novelist Georges Simenon highlighted some people whose attitudes played a major role in shaping his career. The second story that I want to highlight  is about the director of the newspaper ‘La Gazette de Liège’ who hired Simenon when he was just 16. One day, Simenon returned from an event he had to cover as a reporter, heavily intoxicated, and insulted the director with various epithets. The next day, the director told him that, yes, he certainly should fire Simenon, but instead, he was willing to give him a second chance.

Simenon continued his career as a journalist and later became the extraordinary novelist we know today. And the rest, as they say, is history.

Yes, we should offer second chances.

You've probably heard the saying, "You never have a second chance to make a first impression." As true as it might be, I hate this saying. It reduces the complexity and richness of our personalities to a purely transactional deed: presenting the best, flawless version of ourselves to get someone's attention. 

What if we fail? Is it game over, simply? 

Science has shown how quickly our brain forms first impressions and how difficult it is to change them. But psychology has also shown how biased our brains are. As Daniel Kahneman and many others demonstrated, we rely on beliefs and impressions that are heavily influenced by various cognitive biases.

Yes, first impressions can be inaccurate and misleading. 

And moreover, this raises a deeper question: is a flawless version the best possible version of ourselves?

I don’t believe so. Aiming at a flawless version of who we are opens the door to the risk of perfectionism and all its potential negative consequences. That is why everyone deserves more second chances: to have the luxury of making mistakes and of doing not-so-great.

Or simply, the opportunity to improve and get better. 

While the various benefits of second chances are self-evident from the receiver’s viewpoint, it’s even more stimulating to appreciate them from the giver’s perspective. What can we gain from offering second chances? 

Second chances are a powerful tool, especially for those in leadership positions. Leaders should emphasize and harness the power of second chances, as second chances offer multiple upsides:

• Second chances help create a distance between the situation and our judgment. Instantly, we appreciate people’s mistakes from a different perspective: ‘Let's imagine looking back at what just happened in 10 years, we might laugh about it…’ Perhaps that's what the newspaper director thought about Simenon's behavior...

• Second chances help reframe situations, placing mistakes within their context : "Maybe you made this mistake because of these factors. In a different context you might have behaved differently. I should put you in a better situation next time, I am also part of the problem’.

• Second chances stimulate self-reflection: ‘Maybe my first impression was biased. Let me pause to revisit all this.’

• Second chances demonstrate deep understanding : "I have embarrassed myself in the past. That happens. Can you try again?’ 

• Second chances foster empathy by putting everyone on equal footing: "We are all human beings; that's why we make mistakes. It's in our nature. Let’s move from here and revisit things together." 

• Second chances suspend judgment and create psychological safety: "Mistakes can happen. What matters is that we learn from them."

• Second chances provide an opportunity for measuring motivation and willingness to improve: ‘Show me that you can improve and do better. I look forward to seeing it...'

I would like to acknowledge the transformative power of second chances. Second chances are future-oriented and have the capacity of shaping a more fulfilling future. 

Second chances empower us to reveal our multifaceted selves and unleash multitudes. Offering a second chance is not simply an act of generosity; it’s a powerful leadership tool that can empower others and generate ripple effects. 

Have you ever received a second chance? What second chances have you given?

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My name is Matteo. As all of you, I contain multitudes.

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Matteo