The Loneliness of the Long Term Mental Health Sufferer

My title doesn’t roll off the tongue quite like the Iron Maiden song that inspired it, but it captures something I've observed over the past year. As I’ve explored my mental health and reflected on my 48 years (and counting), one theme keeps surfacing: loneliness.

For those who’ve read my previous posts, you’ll know I’ve been exploring an ADHD diagnosis. I now believe it’s the root cause behind my mental health breakdown last year and the depression that followed. Depression, for me, has been more of an acute symptom than a cause - something that comes and goes, often building up over time. In hindsight, I’ve likely struggled with it at various points in life, but ADHD may have been the consistent factor.

With the clarity of significant introspection, extensive reading and lots of talking, I'm pretty sure loneliness is a chronic yet less acknowledged side-effect of mental health issues, and potentially of neurodivergence, especially ADHD and ASD traits. It’s surprising to me that loneliness isn't discussed more in the context of mental health, given how significantly it can impact one’s life - socially, emotionally, and even physically.

"Loneliness is the unhappiness of being alone; solitude is the enjoyment of being alone." - paraphrased from an episode of "Scotland's Sacred Islands with Ben Fogle"

Like many men, I’m not great at maintaining friendships. I don’t stay in touch with my old school friends and even with my closest circle, I often find myself in this weird loop: "I need to call so-and-so," but it always happens at an inconvenient time, and when I’m free, the thought’s gone. Then there’s the guilt when they message me first.

As a kid (and an only child) I was always comfortable and happy on my own, in my own head, with my own imagination, as much as I was with others. I still enjoy solitude at times, but now I suspect there’s an aspect of either mental health or neurodivergence that blurs the line between solitude and loneliness. I think it gently tips us from one into the other without us realising. And depression, I’ve found, can often masquerade as a desire for solitude, but what it actually gives you is loneliness—whether you want it or not.

I don't really have a specific point to make in this post. It's World Mental Health Day, and I happened to catch some of Ben Fogle 's show at the weekend, hence me thinking more on the impact and effects of loneliness. It’s shaped me more than I ever realised, and I’ve lost too many friendships along the way because of it.

As with all challenges, recognising and accepting is always the first step. If nothing else, I hope this helps someone else become more understanding of their loneliness. I hope it helps others to realise that we don't always want to be alone but simply can't help it.

As ever, I'd love to hear from and connect with others who share similar experiences or struggles.