Love

I was about 10 years of age. An event happened that changed the way I lived and experienced life.

On that day, unexpectedly, like everything that happens around us, I 'stopped' loving me. Appreciating me. Feeling gratitude for being breathing and alive.

I spent years blaming others, not knowing better.

I used to say, it was others not loving me. I blamed anyone I loved, for not loving me back.

All I was 'looking for' was, some kind love.

All I was getting back was sadness, rejection, pain, guilt, and shame.

I did not know at that time, that I 'cannot' ask for love. Love is.

I did not know that I 'don't need' love. Love is.

I did not know that people 'don't have to' love me. Love is.

Love is incapable of asking for anything, love is unconditional.

I stopped loving me so soon...

Spent years wondering why, why do people love them, but not me.

Why not me? Why they loved anyone but me...

I always blamed others, yet, the greatest blame was towards myself (for what I had done, for what I had said), so many years ago...

What do others do, have, are that I am not, do not, or have not?

Why them, but not me?

Then I remembered, my father told me a similar story. Now you, may resonate with this one too. I hope not, there was a lot of pain, that now is gone...

It was never 'them' who rejected me, or did not love me, or for whom I seem to be invisible...

It was the real me that spent half of a lifetime sleeping. Dreaming. Hoping. Believing that 'someday', 'someone' will come to 'save me', 'rescue me', 'fulfil me'... as if life (😊) wasn't always, at all times, beautiful, interesting, unexpected, magical...

'I am' the love, I was always, looking for!

PS: Look within, for is the only place where love is found. Once is found there, it'll be elsewhere.

With love,

Helena