Making Work Feel Better with Simple Acts of Respect

"Work is about a search for daily meaning as well as daily bread, for recognition as well as cash, for astonishment rather than torpor; in short for a sort of life rather than a Monday through Friday sort of dying.” – Studs Terkel

According to Gallup’s State of the Global Workplace 2023 Report, 59% of the world’s employees are quiet quitting. That means a majority of us are just "getting through the day" at work.

When Gallup asked these respondents what they’d change about their workplace, 41% wanted improvements related to engagement and culture; things like recognition, approachable managers, open communication, autonomy, a fair chance for promotion, and respect.

In this newsletter, we’ll hone in on respect—what it looks like, feels like, and how you can cultivate it in your day-to-day interactions.

Lack of respect may range from someone telling another to sit in a different seat in a meeting, to sexual harassment, to not acknowledging emails promptly. So there isn’t a silver bullet to fixing a lack of respect. But there are some key things you can do to raise your respect quotient. 

1. Listen more than you talk

This one isn’t first by accident. A huge part of people feeling respected is their desire to be heard and understood.

When engaging in conversations, you’ve got to stop talking and listen. 

And when you are listening, pay attention. Listen with your eyes, listen with your heart, and take notes in your head about what’s important to the person you’re listening to. 

What do they need? Why are they talking? And if you can’t quite answer that, ask. And then stop talking and listen again until you do.

If someone reports to you, you have an even greater responsibility to listen attentively, because those who report to you may already feel at a disadvantage.

2. Use language and behavior that set the other person at ease

"Mirror and match" is a basic rapport building technique often used in sales. Salespeople match prospects' physiology and language to make them feel more comfortable.

We can use that principle at work, too.

For example, if my colleagues don’t use “colorful” language, I won’t either. If they prefer a specific pronoun, I use it.

Using language and lexicon that reflects someone's values shows respect. So does behavior.

Let’s say you have a colleague who never reaches to shake hands. You're not going to force physical contact. You could ask what they prefer. And once you know, honor it.

If you have a colleague who prefers to work in silence, think about how to give that to them. Especially if the person next to them prefers constant music and interaction.

If you ignore the behavioral needs of your colleagues or your direct reports, they will be quiet quitting until something changes. 

3. Give others the benefit of the doubt

Lack of respect often stems from the stories people create in their heads about each other. 

Take Jane, for instance. She leaves my door open after every meeting. 

I used to think she did it deliberately to annoy me. 😤 However, what I didn't know was that leaving doors open triggers her OCD. Jane believed she was doing me a favor, not realizing it irritated me. And every time I slammed the door shut, she took it personally, thinking I was upset with her.

At the end of the day, both of us felt disrespected and misunderstood.

If we had communicated more openly and given each other the benefit of the doubt, we would have realized our behaviors had nothing to do with a lack of respect.

Understanding Jane's condition, I would have made an effort to be more considerate by remembering to close doors and drawers, showing respect for her needs.

4. Promote others' ideas and needs

Ever worked with a manager or leader who promoted your ideas to their boss? Who made you look good in meetings? Who spoke up for you when you couldn't speak up for yourself?

Think about the respect and the loyalty you felt for that person.

Now think about a person you worked for who never appreciated your work. The one who took undue credit for your ideas and gossiped about you behind your back.

Considering how each manager made you feel, which type of leader would you rather be in your organization?

Final Words

The heart of the matter is to determine what respect means to each individual in your organization—recognition, gentle tones, gourmet coffee, a good parking spot, etc.

Organizations, leaders, managers, and supervisors need to ask their direct reports what “respect” looks like for them, listen, and make changes based on the answer. 

When someone says, “I don’t feel respected,” it’s time to lean in, with humility, intention, and courage.

I dream of a world where we all feel respected, heard, and valued at work. Where we have mutually agreed upon norms and standards that create safety and innovation. That’s my dream.

And it has the dual advantage of being a huge competitive and growth advantage for organizations. Their dream is also realized when putting respect into their employee engagement equation.

Whether someone is engaged at work determines:

• How much discretionary output they give
• How long they stay with the organization
• Whether they promote it as a place to work
• Whether they promote it as a brand outside of work

…and on and on. 

That’s why Unleashing Potential works for us all.

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Date: Thursday, November 9, 2023 from 10:00 AM to 11:00 AM (PST)

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Presented by Jada Tobias: Jada is an Evolve the Com trainer and consultant with over 20 years in client-service. Her experiences span from giants like Google to start-ups. Jada excels in client communication, work-life balance, and storytelling - always emphasizing authentic human connection.

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