Measure What Matters: A Philosophical Take

I want to paraphrase a section from a book I recently finished reading, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*** by Mark Manson. This section of the book talks about good and bad life values. Additionally, I have shared my personal learnings and some food for thought on measuring life’s success.

Let’s begin with two short stories.

Story #1:

In 1983, a young guitarist by the name of Dave Mustaine was kicked out of a band just a week before they recorded their first album, leaving him heartbroken. He vowed that he would start his own band and become more successful than the band who had snubbed him. Mustaine went on to form the legendary metal band Megadeth, which sold more than 25 million albums! Mustaine became incredibly wealthy from the band’s success, toured the world several times, and is considered one of the most influential musicians in the history of heavy-metal music. Unfortunately, the band he was kicked out from was Metallica, one of the greatest bands of all time, which has sold more than 180 million albums across the globe. By all means, Dave Mustaine was a massive success. He had fame, money, ardent followers, what more could a rockstar ask for? In a rare intimate interview in 2003, Mustaine admitted that, in-spite of his monumental success, he still considered himself a failure, because he was still not as big as Metallica.

Story #2:

On the other hand, several decades earlier, in 1962 a similar situation arose where Pete Best, a drummer from an exciting new band, got kicked out of the team right before they signed their first record deal. He was replaced by Ringo Star and The Beatles took off to be the most popular band on the face of the Earth. Pete went into a deep depression because of this, turning to alcohol, attempting to sue the Beatles, and ultimately failing at any other attempts at being a musician. Unlike Mustaine, Best didn’t go on to become a global rockstar or make millions of dollars. However, in an interview in 1994, Pete admitted that he was happier than he would’ve been with the Beatles. Why? Best said that getting kicked out of the Beatles was the best thing that could have happened to him, because it led to him meeting his wife and starting a loving family, which is something the other members of The Beatles struggled with through their lives.

One would imagine that Dave Mustaine would be more satisfied with life since he achieved great fame and glory, but yet he felt like a failure whereas Pete Best didn’t become a superstar and yet he grew into a happy and healthy old man with no regrets. Instead of chasing glory and fame, Best sought out a happy marriage and a loving family. The difference between Mustaine and Best is that Best chose better values with which to measure failure/success. By adopting the bad values of happiness equals being more successful than his former band, Mustaine felt like a failure even though he was worth millions of dollars, had countless fans and made a career out of something he loved to do. As opposed to Mustaine, Pete Best learned to re-prioritize what he cared about and was able to measure his life by new values, such as a happy marriage and a loving family. Because of this, Best had a happy life.

Choosing Your Life Values

The point from the above stories is, by what standard do we measure ourselves? The metric should be not achieving more than Person X, not becoming richer than Person Y, etc as this gives us absolutely zero control over our own ability to fulfill them. Rather it should be becoming the best version of ourselves through continuous self-improvement or some other metric which gives you full control over your own achievements.

So what are the right values to have in life? Here is how Manson describes good life values.

Good life values are:

1. Reality-based
2. Socially constructive
3. Immediate and controllable

Let’s go on a tangent for a bit and we’ll come back to this discussion on life values.

According to multiple researches, solving problems makes us happy. To be happy we need something to solve. Happiness is therefore a form of action. True happiness occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving.

“Don’t hope for a life without problems, there’s no such thing. Instead, hope for a life full of good problems.”

Too many people are just looking for the end-result; the victory, the glory. They want to skip ahead to the good bit at the end. Be the overnight success when in reality we should look at the journey as the satisfying part. As evidenced already by many who are considered as having “made it”, those people find that “the end” was not what they had thought it was and were still dissatisfied. I wanted the reward and not the struggle. I wanted the result and not the process. I was in love with not the fight but only the victory. And life doesn’t work that way. It’s a never-ending upward spiral. And if you think at any point you’re allowed to stop climbing, I’m afraid you’re missing the point. Because the joy is in the climb itself.

Instead of choosing results, you should think about which struggles you are willing to endure and overcome. Who you are is defined by what you’re willing to struggle for. “What pain do you want in your life? What are you willing to struggle for?” Because that seems to be a greater determinant of how our lives turn out. People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who run triathlons, have chiseled abs, and can bench press a small house. People who enjoy long workweeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who fly to the top of it. People who enjoy the stresses and uncertainties of the starving artist lifestyle are ultimately the ones who live it and make it.

Here’s a framework for you to think about your life values that can help you lead a life filled with healthy challenges.

Questions to ask yourself:

• What are some things you want to achieve in life?
• Will you enjoy the struggle and not just the reward? Will you enjoy the process and not just the result?
• Is your value realistic (but ambitious), socially constructive, and completely in your own control?
• How will you measure success?

I will leave you with these final thoughts - I am convinced that the key to happiness and fulfillment is through setting good values and metrics to judge yourself by. Think about the legacy you want to leave behind – how do you want the world to have been changed by your presence. If you have good values, you want to leave the world better than you found it. This means believing in something bigger than yourself, and working to serve that something bigger.

Here are the life values I have identified for myself so far (it’s a work in progress)

1. Becoming the healthiest version of myself
2. Spending more time with my family

What are your life values? How will you measure the success of your life?