Mother’s Day and the bias we pretend not to see

After the Mother's Day celebrations, we must continue to reflect on the role of women and women that are mothers in society and the job market: the challenges, the difficulties, and what needs to change so we can make our companies places that are more open to diversity, equity, and inclusion.

The workplace is not inclusive for mothers

Millions of women left the job market to care for their children during the pandemic. Data shows that the pandemic has impacted genders in different ways. The progress of an entire generation was erased in two years regarding women's participation in the workforce. While male workers regained all jobs they had lost due to COVID in the United States, a significant percentage of women either did not get their jobs back or are not looking for them. This is a phenomenon since women still hold the largest share of caregiver responsibilities. 

Deb Boelkes, author of Women on Top: What's Keeping You From Executive Leadership, says: "In many families, the lowest-wage-earning spouse chose to voluntarily resign to care for their at-home children or other family members." "Many women found juggling business responsibilities with homeschooling, child care, and eldercare simply wasn't worth the effort or the income to justify staying in the job."

Women are most commonly the "lowest-wage-earning spouse," which is not surprising. Considering the gender gap, the women's participation in higher-level positions and the pay gap makes the women's "choice" of leaving the job market not necessarily a choice they make. Still, a choice they have to make, taking into consideration several other variables. Leaving the workforce and leaving their careers affects beyond the immediate impact. It holds back years of progress, development, growth, and the opportunity to increase their earnings and women's earnings in general. "Opting out" perpetuates the idea that working is optional for women and that their income and career aspirations are secondary.

Digging deeper into the data, we can see that women of color left the job market in a higher percentage (close to 5% Latinas, 6% Black Women) and are now struggling to find work. Again, the most affected are women with disabilities (nearly 8% in January 2022, compared to 3.6% overall women unemployment).

The term "Working Moms" is excluding and biased

I've always struggled with the term "working mom." I have heard it much more since I moved to the United States. I think this term is excluding and biased. I don't hear as much "working parents" as I hear "working moms" because society once defined each person's place in a relationship, a family, a community, a culture, and the workplace. For us women, the caretaker role was established long ago, and although much has evolved in society since then, this still looks like a topic that deserves attention.

Using that term, women sound like exceptions as workers. It puts women that are mothers in two categories: the "stay-at-home-mom" and the "working mom." I don't recall seeing a man called "dad" in the workplace: "working dad." That would sound weird. The same happens when men are the prior caretakers. Not that men can't be a caretaker: "stay-at-home-dad." But when it happens, it's taken as an exception. For women, even unemployment is handled differently than men's unemployment. There is no urgency in filling that gap that gets easily and rapidly supplemented with unpaid activities. 

Where I come from – my personal experience

As a child, I've always dreamed of being a professional. My favorite toy was a Barbie "home and office" setting. My Barbie didn't have a Ken but dreamed about her road trips, all the places she wanted to go, where she wanted to study, and she had that corner office with a view. She also worked from home comfortably, and she traveled for work. And Ken was in the picture, but not always there. She had her own life and her plans. I loved playing "school" too. My Barbies read poetry, the news, and the encyclopedia (social media or Google were still not a thing). They learned Greek Mythology, the antique civilizations, ecology, arts, and science. They dreamed about seeing each of the seven wonders of the world and visiting all the art museums. Playing with baby dolls and caretaking was not my thing - I projected the things I dreamed for myself in my Barbies. 

Motherhood was presented to me by "fate." It was not a plan. It happened when I was on my last year at the university. And I embraced it with all my heart and energy to be a good parent and keep my dreams and career plans going. Being a single mom was a journey full of challenge, courage, risk-taking, improvisation, adaptation, learning, and guilt. There's no one mother that I know that doesn't mention guilt. 

In Brazil, where I'm from and where I lived and worked most of my life, almost 50% of households are financially supported exclusively by women. It corresponds to around 34.4 million homes where women are the providers. And these numbers grow every year. In approximately 90% of the cases, there is no man in the picture, and the woman has the sole responsibility for providing financial support, housework, and caretaking. Seven percent of the babies born in Brazil in 2021 (56.9 thousand babies) didn't have their fathers in the records. So being a "working mom" is not a possibility or a choice women make. It is the reality of their lives. 

Although women are who provide sustenance for basically half of the Brazilian families, it does not represent any privilege. On the contrary, women are still heavily discriminated against, and most get their incomes out of the informal economy or low-paid jobs and have no access to minimum benefits. Despite having the same legal rights as men, Brazilian women still earn an average of 30% less than men, as the gender gap in Brazil is one of the largest in Latin America. Since the beginning of my career, I have felt it and witnessed it in so many forms.

One example was during my pre-hiring exams for my first job in Brazil. I was tested for pregnancy. It was a practice widely used by employers in the 90s and the beginning of the 2000s. If you're pregnant, you won't be hired. And it was not even questioned. I took the test "like everybody does" without understanding the meaning of that practice and its consequences. I accepted it and understood that it was their right as an employer. 

It was also a practice that decision-makers would think twice before giving a promotion or further responsibilities to women at a certain age (they might want to have a child soon). It was not a topic to talk about if you planned to grow your career. Women don't talk about raising a family because that could block opportunities. Women are seen as opportunists if they announce a pregnancy a few months after being hired or getting a promotion.

Something similar happened to me, and it was excruciating and harmful. Right after my son was born in 2005, my employer of five years communicated to me that "the company" thought I should take some time to take care of my newborn child. They then decided to terminate my employment. After five years dedicated to a company and going through a challenging and risky pregnancy where I had to be in absolute rest for ten weeks, I still thought they were in their right to do that. That culture is so impregnated that I understood that I was out of work for too long, and the company had to deal with my absence: a woman out of work for over two months, plus maternity leave! What an inconvenience. I lost my job, health insurance, and the only security I had to keep providing for my son. 

It sounds unreal, but it didn't stop there. It took me over ten months to literally restart my career. Most recruiters would ask me if I was still nursing, what I would do with my baby while working, and my plans if my son got sick. I don't think his Dad got the same interview questions. 

When I finally got a job, I pretended not to listen to jokes like "hot mommy" or comments about my breasts being about to "explode." "Men being men," I thought and just kept going. I even missed a mother's day event at my son's preschool because the week before, I heard a manager telling a man that he didn't think it was acceptable to miss a weekend work event because of his son's birthday party – "could that be so important?" If that happened to a man regarding his son's birthday, imagine what would happen to me if I missed a work meeting for my son's mother's day party – of course, this is something my son doesn't remember, but it's a pain and guilt that I carried over – of making the wrong choice. Still, the only choice I could make at the time.

Then, I worked for a large retail company's corporate office, with extensive women participation. However, there was something strange about their benefits plan: men could extend their benefits to their spouses, but women couldn't. That was the institutionalization of a woman as a second-degree, dependent individual who couldn't be the provider and a bread earner, which contradicts all the statistics in Brazil. In that same company, I heard from my leader that I should consider moving back with my parents to have more assistance with my son (after my son had pneumonia, and I had one myself right after him). It is not a surprise that it didn't take long to communicate I was quitting for lack of cultural fit. I was starting to understand my place as a woman in a society that still has a lot to evolve.

These things happened a long time ago, but these practices are not over. They are covert, but they are still there. Later in my career, already as a seasoned HR professional, I heard my boss voicing he had not considered a transfer to the United States before because he assumed that having a child wouldn't be part of my plans. I'm glad I took the initiative. Otherwise, I would still be sitting and waiting, assuming I was not being seen as a capable professional. 

How I used my experience to change the status quo

As an HR manager and a people leader, I've always tried to challenge the status quo and promote changes, especially regarding the inclusion of women in "men-dominated" workforces, often being reactively called an "extremist-feminist" by my colleagues.

Once, while working in the automotive industry, we faced a moment of total employment in Brazil. I heard from so many managers that there was "no one" to hire for production positions. But I received daily calls from women asking me if we had "female positions." The term "female positions" made me feel I allowed it to exist. I recognized I was being part of it and decided to be the agent of change – where I could, and I believe small actions can generate enormous impact – even if in one person at a time. 

I took it to a leadership board meeting and again introduced the topic of including women in the plant operational positions. We were fighting high turnover and high absenteeism at the time. There was no other way to go further than opening the minds of the leaders involved in that decision (there were two women in the plant leadership team!) to the fact that women were capable of doing the work. And that our focus should be on making the job good enough and light enough, and easy enough so "I" could do it. Yes, I used myself as an example (a 5.5 ft, 118 lbs woman): If I could do the work, almost any woman could. And it would make it more comfortable for men too, which would improve the experience of working in our plants. 

Their most significant concern was not even that. It was the fact that women would have to deal with childcare, and they would have to deal with pregnancy, again, high absenteeism, and on top of it, the extended maternity leaves.

 It didn't take long for their concerns to be easily proved wrong. The women were paid equally and had the same benefits as the men in our assembly lines. It put them in better conditions than their partners at home. Moreover, women workers valued their jobs much more than the men in our plant because they gave them the security and the safety to care for their kids and families. Moreover, they were great influencers on the overall work dynamics.

Amanda* - a story worth sharing

Amanda was what I could call a "top employee." One of those you can count on for anything. She was part of one of the groups that helped ideate solutions for high absenteeism and helped us turn our focus to leadership development and create incentive programs based on accountability, with the simplicity of her straightforward, solution-focused, and dynamic personality. She was interested in topics beyond her scope, and she was not afraid of telling the truth. She had a real passion for growing and developing as a professional.

I heard some rumors about her being romantically involved with one of our team members. I wasn't concerned. She asked for a meeting with me and told me that she thought she wouldn't be able to be a mother for her whole life because of a health condition, yet she seemed happy. She confided she met someone (then she officially told me about being in a relationship with her workmate), and they would have a baby. She told me she was struggling with the morning sickness but believed it would be fine soon and that she wanted me to consider transferring either her or her partner to another shift so that they could organize their routine with the new baby. She could work on the day shift, and he could work nights, so they would only need childcare support for part of the day. Months in advance, Amanda had it all figured out. 

One or two months later, Amanda told me that her health condition had not improved. All that morning sickness she felt initially was even worse. She went to several doctors that said to her that "pregnancy is not an illness" and "suck it up" (and I could relate to all those sayings from my experience years earlier), affirming that she was fine and totally capable of working. But this is not how she felt: she didn't feel in conditions to work. 

It may be easier to get people's understanding when you're Kate Middleton, and you can't get up in the morning because your body recognizes your baby as a threat, but Amanda was "just" an assembler in an automotive plant that needed that job. Does anyone care? 

I discussed it with my colleague, the boss of her boss' boss. He and his wife had just had a baby, and he could especially empathize with the situation. We agreed that we would give her unlimited time off, keep her wages as she worked, and do the same with her health insurance and all other benefits. 

Unlimited time off in 2014 is not something you hear everywhere. We agreed that when she felt ok to show up, she would be welcome, and when she felt in "those difficult days," we wanted her to take care of herself and her baby. Her position would be still there, waiting for her when she was ready to come back to work. We wanted her to understand we were there for her and her family and that their health meant a lot more to us than the hours she could put in. 

Her partner, and her friends, were all workers there. Can you imagine how much more they worked to make up for her absence on the days she was not there? Imagine how much closer a connection they formed with the company – that was able to make that kind of decision in support of a mother.

Their baby was born healthy, and it didn't take long for her to be back to work, as the best advocate for the company's culture, along with all people that witnessed or heard about what happened. So she was back to work, working the day shift, while her husband worked nights, and they figured it out as working parents. 

How can thought leaders and innovative companies break the bias?

I wonder how many companies give their HR people and leaders the autonomy to make that decision. I wonder how many mothers, fathers, and caregivers had that opportunity we could provide Amanda. 

When we think about inclusive and diverse workplaces, we need to also consider that "out of the box" and "out of standard" decisions must be made, and we need to trust that our teams and leaders in the field can make good decisions. 

I believe change will only happen when women and men are put in equal positions, and it has to happen both ways. Providing men longer parenting leaves, child care benefits, and flex-time, for example, are ways of regulating the bias, so the "onus" doesn't fall all on women's shoulders. In addition, corporate leaders need to become more aware of society's gender dynamics and the impacts of these dynamics in the workplace that put one gender over the other in terms of capability, availability, and productivity. 

So much has changed since the challenges I met in the first years of my career. We're all looking for more gender equity in the workplace. Valuing what we are and our roles and recognizing our struggles is an important step. 

What are your thoughts? Are we already there? How can we reduce bias against mothers in the workplace, especially in this new remote and hybrid context? How can we reverse the trend that women's workforce participation is diminished? 

*Name changed for privacy purposes.