My Boss Doesn’t Listen, Now What?
Ken Carlson
Experienced Executive Coach and Leadership Trainer with a knack for working with Geeks; Specializing in Engineering, Science, Math, and Medical.
Since the beginning of time, learning how to get through to the boss has been a primary concern.
Still, there is no answer. No silver bullet.
But we keep asking.
Recently, I was speaking to a leader who was at his wits end in trying to influence his boss. He wants to move the projects forward, brainstorm ideas, and be strategic. His boss is set on his own way of doing things. When he approached him about creating a better way to work, the boss shared that he is Neurodivergent and so he must do things the way he does them. End of discussion.
Now what?
This is a question that occurs over and over for neurotypical leaders who are working with neurodivergent employees, peers, and more senior leaders. And it’s especially difficult with bosses.
So, what do we do? As you will always get with me—and will always get with a coach—you start with you. And the biggest question any coach asks is, “what do you want?”
So what do you want? I mean, what do YOU really want? Is it to be heard? To make a difference? To get promoted? To be seen as the best person on the team? Do you want your idea to succeed more than other ideas? Do you want your product to make it to market? Go ahead and make a list of the things you want. This is only for you—you can list as many things as you want. When you are done, circle the 2-3 things that you want the most.
Now make an honest assessment. Is it possible? With the relationship you have with your boss right now, is it possible to get the most important things?
I’m assuming that it’s not possible—which is why you are frustrated. The key is that it’s not possible in the CURRENT state of the relationship.
So it’s time to work on the relationship.
I don’t know how to do that in your circumstance, but my guess is it starts with empathy, listening, and alignment. This works no matter who you are talking to—and I admit that the more different someone is from you, the longer it probably takes. But keep at it.
The best homework I am giving out lately is something I call “listening sessions.” It’s when you sit with someone who you want to influence and just allow them to speak their mind. Do this with your boss and ask them what keeps them up at night. When you hear them, ask them what else and just keep listening.
Let me know how it goes.
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Past Articles: Neurodiverse Leadership Resource Library
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2moNavigating the dynamics between neurodivergent and neurotypical leaders can be challenging. Your insights on empathy and listening as tools for better communication are invaluable. How can we further foster understanding in these relationships to drive collaboration?