My Story About The Feminine

When I was very young, I loved wearing dresses, bright pink lipstick and colorful headbands that matched my outfits

When I look at these pictures of my young self, I see her love, her light, her brightness and her joy in simply being her brilliant and happy feminine self

At some point though I learned that being feminine wasn’t great

I grew up in Brazil which I believe is a very patriarchal and sexist culture 

When I saw the women around me, I saw their light, love, passion and brightness, but I also saw how disempowered and undervalued they were (*writing this right now feels very emotional)

The women were dependent on men, talked down by men, financially managed by men and in many ways they had to comply with the “rules” or do things in hiding (for example hide money to buy the things they desired so they wouldn’t get in trouble)

On one hand I was very angry that they were being treated this way and on the other hand I was also deep down judging them for somehow being weak or allowing this to happen (*tears coming down as this feels very raw and vulnerable to share) 

After seeing and experiencing this, I made a vow and commitment to myself… this would NOT be my story… I would NOT be like them… I would NEVER depend on men

I would grow to be a financially successful business woman so that I could be independent, free and powerful

Since I didn’t see examples of women doing that, I basically decided to become very masculine

And with that I completely shut down and denied the feminine inside of me

In many ways this worked in helping me achieve my big career dreams of becoming an executive in Corporate

But I later realized that I had not only lost myself in the process but that I was also deeply grieving and missing all the parts of myself that had been locked up and suppressed inside  

The wake-up call came in the form of an early stage breast cancer diagnosis 10 years ago in my left breast (the side of our bodies where our feminine energies reside) which kick started my journey of inner healing and transformation

I knew that a big part of my transformation journey involved healing the feminine but I didn’t really know what that meant

Last year, as I was leaving my successful corporate career to follow my higher purpose and calling a lot of deep ancestral limiting beliefs came up to be healed 

When I first started journaling about it, I thought this was related to hard work, struggle or financial scarcity

But while those things had been patterns for my family, they didn’t feel as active within me anymore because I had already done years and years of transformative money and abundance healing work

Then when I was doing a powerful quantum coaching session, something came up as a download that shook me to my core (I could feel my whole body reacting and buzzing) 

The core limiting belief and wound that was coming up for me to heal was about the pain and subjugation of the feminine

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh my whole body screamed! 

Wow this felt so deep and massive inside of me, I couldn’t stop crying! 

Because this was not just coming from what I had personally seen or experienced… it was ancestral… this carried within so much pain from thousands of years of human history and my own lineage 

The subconscious fear that women are somehow inferior, not equal, not as worthy and victims of the patriarchy has been deep down running my life without me knowing 

While externally I seemed strong and successful, I was striving to achieve massive success in order to disprove all these deep seated limiting beliefs and fears within me 

As I follow my calling to build Rising Women, a mission-led coaching business focused on mentoring women to rise in their authentic power and purpose, I am being initiated first

I am being asked to challenge, release and transmute EVERY SINGLE limiting belief that has been holding me back from living a life of meaning, fulfillment and purpose 

As I healed within, I remembered and reconnected with the power, strength, beauty and magic of being a sovereign woman

You see, I had spent the last decade in Corporate trying to change the “old systems” and it was freaking exhausting 

I am no longer fighting against the inequalities and inequities of the old system

Yes the old system is broken, but when we truly get that we create our realities from our consciousness (thoughts) and frequency (energy), we realize that what we resist persists

When I was fighting against “the old”, I was giving it energy and unconsciously choosing to co-create more and more with that belief system… I was deep down still seeing myself as a victim and giving my power away 

So what has changed after I healed these wounds and transformed my belief systems?

I am no longer fighting against the old 

I am now standing for the new 

I am standing for the new world I am here to help create 

A world where we are all firmly standing in our authentic power, owning our authentic purpose, and shining our authentic leadership light brightly, boldly and unapologetically 

It is a new world created with love, light, freedom, sovereignty and abundance 

Can you feel this in your heart?

If so, I would love to hear from you! Please comment or DM so we can connect 

With so much love, 

Tatiana