Our Connections – and what they teach us about ourselves

A few weeks back, I received a note from a woman I was close with in elementary and junior high school. She had read my novel, From Comfortable Distances, and tracked me down. After some back and forth, she told me about myself in those early years – she said that I was funny and that she laughed a lot around me. She told me that we were pen pals for a summer she lived in Florida; she told me that my mom loved romance novels and she remembered shelves in my house full of them. She wrote about us doing cartwheels and riding our bikes around Mill Basin, Brooklyn, without using our hands.

It was amazing to learn about myself through someone else’s eyes. I could see us as young children, full of hope, joy, and mystery, too, cruising around on our bikes on crisp fall days with so much promise in the air. Her comment about my mom and her novels was something I had misplaced and forgotten about, but it opened a flood of memories. My friend, now a physician, had moved away to Florida in ninth grade, so the memories ended there, but reading her email, I could hear her voice, see her bright smile, remember our infectious laughter.

My interaction with my old friend was a reminder that one of the most amazing aspects of social media is the power to reconnect with friends from our past. While it’s fun to reminisce and catch up, perhaps our old ties may also help us to forge forward. For one thing, old friends can help us to remember who we were. In some cases, our old selves no longer resemble our new selves, and that’s a good thing. However, sometimes in life we lose our way, and an old friend’s reflections can help us to find our way back. In my instance, my old buddy reminded me of a more joyous version of myself, which lifted my spirits and caused me to reflect and consider where I’m at, and what’s next, too.

It's likely we all have friends or colleagues that we have fallen out of touch with along the way of our lives due to moves, marriages, career shifts, and everything in between. While many of us likely consider getting back in touch with our connections – whether it’s to network or catch up – often, our own insecurities (what if they don’t respond, or are dismissive, or don’t remember me?) and being too busy pose hurdles. According to Jason Levin, whose recent book, Relationships to Infinity, explores the significance of staying connected, “ the desire to reconnect should be genuine…Even if nothing comes of a reconnection right away, you will have rekindled a relationship with someone you genuinely like, which is a benefit in and of itself.”

In a time when many of us are on a quest to improve our wellbeing and are trying to overcome pandemic induced burnout – or re-evaluate the next step in our lives and careers – reconnecting with friends may be just what we need to help spark reminders of where we have been, and plant seeds for where we wish to go. While old friends anchor us to our pasts, they also serve as bookmarks from where we have left off and may help us to get back on track.

One of the most fascinating aspects of life is that no one knows at the beginning of their story – or beginning of each chapter for that matter – what the middle  or end will be. We don’t have foresight into who will still be in our lives over time. Friendships may endure, or they may end, sometimes due to circumstances beyond our control. In a world in which reconnection is accessible due to the myriad of social media options, why not reach out? You just never know what gem of wisdom or insight an old friend may share with you – or how you may be able to inspire them, too. Someone out there may truly benefit from your outreach.