People Watching... Searching for Our Audience of One

I love people watching. As I write this, I am sitting at a café in Little Italy, downtown San Diego, called Bird Rock. It is funny that it is named after another part of San Diego. The whole world is becoming commercialized, is it not? It is unfortunate that once something becomes unique and special, it gets so often commercialized and loses what made it good in the first place. Yet here I am, sipping my coffee, watching people, and learning a lot... not just about them, but about myself.

I write because I believe everyone who has lived and experienced life has something worthwhile to share. As Marcus Aurelius, the Roman emperor and stoic philosopher, once penned, "We are always worried about what others think of us, yet those same people are mortal, finite, and will soon be dead... just as we will be. So stop worrying, and get on with living." There is something liberating in realizing that. We are here for a brief time. Why spend it as a supporting character in someone else’s story when we are meant to be the main actor in our own?

People watching reminds me of this. When we watch others, we are also watching ourselves. The things that catch our attention... whether trivial or profound... are reflections of what is important to us. Why else would we notice them? The world is a mirror, showing us the things we need to see, even if we are not always ready to face them.

In my life, I have had the privilege of speaking to audiences of over a thousand people. I have written articles that reached more people than I could ever imagine. I even found myself on television and radio programs back when people actually watched and listened to them. I only share this here to make a point—it did not matter. The only common denominator in all of it was me. And did I truly see myself through it all? No, not really.

As I get older, I realize that the audience I have been trying to reach all along is just one person. That person is me. For much of my life, I looked outside myself for validation. I chased the applause, the recognition, and the nods of approval from others. It was never enough. I discovered that you cannot receive true validation from others until you become your own audience. It is not easy. Seeing yourself fully... blemishes, dents, cracks, and all... and accepting it takes time.

Charles Bukowski, the poet, captured this perfectly in one of his works: "And when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. What do you call it, freedom or loneliness?"

I have thought a lot about this recently. I have been on my own for a few years now, and I see both freedom and loneliness in his words. Freedom is the chance to live for yourself, to see yourself for who you are. Loneliness creeps in only when we do not like the person we see.

Carl Jung, the great psychologist, defined projection as seeing in others the parts of ourselves that we have not yet faced. Until we stop projecting and start accepting, we will never truly know ourselves. And if we do not know ourselves, how can we invite the right people into our lives? How can we find a person who sees us, accepts us, and reflects back the best version of ourselves if we are running from that version?

The truth is, you cannot let another person in... especially the right person... until you accept yourself first. Once you do, you might find a person who, for some reason, sees you as you are and chooses to stay. That is the magic of finding your audience of one.

So here I sit, watching people, watching myself, and sipping my coffee. Life is not a perfect performance. It is a journey, one where the only applause that truly matters comes from within.

I am finally ready to step on stage and be the leading person in my own story. The question is... are you ready to be the leading lady or the leading man in the greatest story ever lived and told? Because it is your story.

Peter